Author Archives: Kitta

Asinine questions submitted via my FAQ form amuse me. Take this gem for example…

Date: Nov 22, 2006 12:35 AM
Subject: FAQ
To: Kitta

Did you know that you can go to jail for saying cuswards

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Cuswards, what is this you speak of? Some form of a custard tart perhaps? I bet it tastes mother-fucking good.

Do you know that you can look like a complete twat for using IE and AOL and having spyware installed? Use Firefox and claim redemption from the net gods, and you might be able to save yourself from spam hell.

Below is a series of random events which I could have made into a blog entry on their own, but I have been too busy lately to blog about them, so here they are in their raw format for your perusal…

Matt has pre-ordered a Wii and it is by far the most amusing thing to talk about in public. Said to my mother in a line at the post office, “I can’t wait to play with Matt’s Wii (pronounced ‘wee’) in December” she looked at me and said “I know, you’ve told me about Matt’s Wii before” just as everyone in line turned too look at us in disgust, thankfully, there was a young guy behind us in the line that seemed to know know what a Wii was and nodded in acknowledgement. That, or he had some golden stream fetish and was giving me the ‘how you doin’ nod.

My SD memory card for my camera has suddenly passed away. So I am stuck with the minuscule 8MB internal memory on my camera. I had a look around and the cheapest I can find is $29, I also looked on eBay, but they all seemed to be terribly executed replications.

Candy, Matt and I all went to the local Spring Festival fireworks display held on the foreshore last Saturday. The fireworks pre-show entertainment consisted solely of a guy on a boat rapping about god. Quality family entertainment there. Whoever booked him seemed to have a precognitive notion that it was a terrible idea, given that they put said rapper on a boat with water between him and the audience, to protect him from drunks throwing flaming beer bottles or angry emo teenagers from pouting and slapping him. I am fine with religion and people wanting to follow whatever they please, but having a rapper preach to a public audience about repenting from sex and drugs at a family event – and then sugar coating it as entertainment – is not cool.

Twitter is addictive, follow me online or via SMS.

Recently, I went back to my allergy/respiratory specialist and was told that I have to endure more desensitising treatment every three weeks until about March next year, the first round of treatment has helped, but my allergies are still quite bad and I have had a few major reactions to various things. My doctor thinks the treatment will help in the long term. Meanwhile I take antihistamines and steroids if needed to stop the reactions and to keep me out of hospital.

A while ago I dragged Matt to see Devil Wear’s Prada. He was one of the scarcely few men in the cinema who were also dragged by their significant other, but unlike the elderly man in-front of us, Matt didn’t fall asleep and snore loudly during the movie. Matt now owns my soul for going with me, which he’ll probably eBay to pay for Wii games.

Gatorade watermelon chill, where have you been all my life?

Camp has her first stalker. The little girl who called me old lady waits in the same place each day to pat Camp as we walk by and make idle chit-chat with me. Camp is starting to get freaked out and is paranoid that the little girl saves her fur to make a shine in her honour.

After two and a half weeks my MacBook, Sabastian, is finally back from the Apple service centre.

They replaced his heat-sink and installed the firmware update, and since his return he has not suffered from the dreaded random shutdown. Since both the firmware and the new heat-sink were installed at the same time I have no idea which one worked. A combined effort, Captain Planet style, seems to have fixed the problems that was causing the RSS and I am happy that I no longer have to go through the daily shutdown routine, wherein I would swear a lot and fear the successive start-up sound.

I would like to say thank you to everyone who emailed me concerned and who expressed their thoughts on the issue, and to those who commented about the firmware update, yes, I have known about the update since the day it came out, but it was impossible for me to to download and install the update as my MacBook was at the Apple service centre. I could have tried telepathy via wifi, but I doubt my brain is compatible and it’s far too expensive to upgrade my brain.

Incidentally, I am now the in the top ten search result on Google for ‘macbook RSS’, this is a first for me, as I am normally in the top search results for a swear word or a shock site that I used in retaliation. The videos I uploaded to my YouTube account have also had far too many views for what they are, and one would think they were pterodactyl porn or such (I am so going to be a top search result for pterodactyl porn now).

I was telling my mother about it recently, how I blogged about the RSS that afflicted my Macbook and how I am now in the top Google search results for ‘macbook rss’, she turned to me with a concerned looked on her face and said “you can’t get in trouble for that, can you?” I laughed, thinking she was being sarcastic and when she didn’t reciprocate I questioned her reasoning, “what are apple going to do, sue me for saying they’re products are faulty when they have acknowledged the fault?” I said, she replied with a poignant “yes.” I was amused, “where did you learn about the law? Willy Wonka’s school of Wacky Law?” I said sarcastically, “no McDonald’s” she retorted and then mumbled “big companies… big money… sue people… little people”.

Fight the man, mother. Fight the man.

Things that a horde of drunken partygoers at my neighbours house have said in the last five minutes…

“Fucking whoreeeeeeeee.”
“Noooo, set it on fire!”
“You have to make it bigger.”
“Noooooooo… fuck yeah!”
“That cocksucker!”
“And then she wanted to go get pizza.”
“Eat the dog! Eat it! Eat it!”
“Woooooohooooooo!”
“It’s an orange.”
“Weeeeeeee are the championsssssss my frienddddddsssss and we’ll keep on fuckingggg till the enddddddd.”

I would love to know what this stimulating conversation is regarding.

My beloved MacBook, Sabastian, is just over two months old and is the only computer I use in day to day life, I am extremely happy with it… Or should I say was? Recently, it has suffered a series of random shutdowns after being turned on, which quickly deteriorate into a refusal to start-up at all. It is apparently part of the 12% of 1.83GHz MacBook’s that suffer from RSS (Random Shutdown Syndrome).

Fan-fucking-tasitc.

It started doing this last Saturday, as I was checking email it suddenly shut down, I didn’t think much of it at the time as everything was fine up until that point and wasn’t very concerned. The next day I struggled to turn it on and heard that bloody start-up sound about fifty times before it was stable enough to use. Matt is going to take it back to Apple Care for me this week and he is lending me his iBook to use while it’s away being fixed or set on fire and dropped off a six story building.

I recorded the above videos incase he can’t get it to demonstrate RSS in store (which I highly doubt) and also to demonstrate how fucking frustratting it is to work with a system that shuts down randomly. Hopefully it will be fixed or replaced quickly without much delay.

I now despise the sound of a MacBook turning on.

Update…

Matt took my MacBook in on Wednesday, he said the guy who served him was a bit of a n00b and didn’t seem to know about the RSS problem, a problem which Apple has acknowledged and that is so huge people are planning filing lawsuits against Apple. Guess he is more of a Today/Sunrise news kind of guy than a /. or Digg guy. It had to be sent away to the service centre, as they don’t fix them in-store, and it may take between 7 to 17 days. 😦

Matt and I were talking about his rancid nuts today…

Kitta: What are you chewing?
Matt: Peanuts. They weren’t very nice, I think they are a bit stale, I kinda wish I didn’t eat them now.
Kitta: Do nuts go stale?
Matt: Yeah, then they go rancid.
Kitta: Mmm, rancid nutty goodness.
Matt: You don’t want to eat them when they’re rancid…
Kitta: Oh no, I do, I love the taste of rancid in the morning.
Matt: You can’t really tell from what they look like…
Kitta: Actually, I just like saying the word rancid, it’s such a cool word.
Matt: Just a little off colour, but they are nuts – they do that – then you eat them and you feel like vomiting for like an hour.
Kitta: Rancid man!
Matt: Sweetie…
Kitta: Yes?
Matt: What have you been taking?
Kitta: Rancid peanuts.

The truth is I’m drugged up on head cold medication to stop my head feeling like it will explode.

I was one of the lucky 10,000 Flickr Pro users to score some of the free Moo MiniCards, I ordered them a few weeks ago and they arrived today!

So very cool and addictive, so many uses and everyone I’ve shown them them wants one, I might have to order some of the 100’s to hand out. ;o)

I sat in the sun in a park today, throwing Camp a ball for her to fetch in an attempt to tire her out and give her some daily exercise, go fetch required the least amount of effort from my body that is currently stricken with a lingering cold.

I saw a little girl approaching to my left, she was dressed in plastic pink kitten heels and carried a black beaded evening bag, she asked me “is you’re dog friendly?” and before I could reply Camp was giving her a welcoming lick, I smiled and replied “yes, she loves meeting new people”. She patted Camp as she talked about her own dog, she then asked if she could play with Camp for a bit, I said for her to go nuts and laid on the grass soaking up the late afternoon sun. A few minutes passed and I said it was time for Camp and I to go home to start dinner. She turned and looked at me and asked “which school do your kids go to?”

I wanted to say “I’m only 22!” in disgust or “my kids are in college” as a joke, “I don’t have any kids” I told her with a laugh – she seemed amazed by my answer. She strutted over the road towards her home with her evening bag glistening in the sun, her mother asked her where she had been, “the nice old lady let me play with her doggy” she replied.

The old lady.

When did I become a lady?
When did I become old?
When did I start looking like I have given birth multiple times?
Do I look overly motherly?
Are wrinkles appearing already?
Is my hair a motherly shade of brown?
Does Camp look like a dog owned by someone who has borne children?

Twenty two does not maketh an old lady.

How was your day today?

Mine was fine. I replied to some email, did some washing, paid some bills, and oh yeah… nearly got hit by a car.

I was walking Camp in the warm afternoon sun – I was on the home stretch and Camp was tired and giving me that ‘you know, you could totally carry me home’ look – when I heard a loud bang and saw a car take the corner in front of me at a ridiculous speed, the car went over the curb and onto the sidewalk we were walking on. They didn’t correct and kept driving straight for us. There was a small patch of grass and a fence to the side of us so I quickly yanked Camp’s lead and jumped against the fence just as the car flew past where Camp and I were walking merely seconds earlier. As the car full of four young men speed past me, only a foot or so from where I stood, they looked at me and laughed. I don’t know about you, but I don’t find nearly killing someone funny, I guess that’s the difference between myself and a car full of bogans. After they passed me the two men in the back seat looked back at me, I had a ‘what the flying fuck’ look on my face and Camp was cowering against the fence (yeah, she’s ferocious, big bad Camp), then the bogan mobile’s driver spotted another corner in his sights, he again took that corner at full speed and hit the curb. Hilarity ensued for them and no one else present.

A guy heard the commotion and came out of his house just in time to see what happened. He asked me if I was ok; yes, I was fine, shaken and very pissed off given that there were kids walking home from school at the time and a child might not have moved as quickly as I did. He asked if I saw the license plate; no, I was more concerned with my safety than a license plate. He then started ranting, “fucking idiots, they’ve done this before, they’ll kill someone one day” and went back inside his house while ranting about a baseball bat and bricks in milk cartons.

I decided to walk on the other side of the road, not on the sidewalk, incase they drove by again trying to kill people instead of doing something constructive.

To the hoons of the world that think this kind of behaviour is cool…

You are a bunch of dickheads. You are not cool, classy sophisticated women do not like wankers with bogan mobile’s who try to run people over and then laugh, one day you will kill someone, and hopefully that person will be you and not an innocent person walking their dog or a child coming home from school. So stop trying to impress your equally dickheaded friends.

Every week I sit in the treatment room at the doctors office waiting the standard thirty minutes after my having my Hyposensitization treatment, to see if I have a reaction. It is possibly the most boring thirty minutes of my life. I normally read a book and sometimes when I’m bookless, bored and totally delirious from allergens coursing through my veins, I will be forced to read a trashy gossip magazine about how Britney was caught fucking a donkey while her husband watched or about how the real reason Paris was arrested was because she retorted, “that’s hot” after being asked for license and registration. I can feel my brain cells curling up in my frontal lobe and rocking themselves slowly when I read those kinds of magazine.

Ever since I purchased my iPod video Maiya things have changed, no more catatonic brain cells, I can now watch vodcasts to kill the time. I tend to always miss The Chaser’s War on Everything so I download missed episodes via iTunes, along with some Diggnation (yes, I am part of the small percentage of cute geeky chicks that watch Diggnation), Ask a Ninja, Naked Scientists and Dr Karl.

Recently, I decided to catch up on some missed episodes of Diggnation to kill the thirty minute wait, episode #57 to be precise, it was the one where Kevin was talking about the old porn lady who has the Sex Talk show and her tip about pearls, where you buy a girl a lovely set of pearls then use them in a manner the jewellery designer probably wasn’t intending for them to be used in and have her wear them as a reminder.

See ladies, Diggnation doesn’t just feature geeky news, they also talk about fashion. 😉

I was sitting in the uncomfortable chair that is missing padding on it’s right corner (a child chewed it off after being told the blood test fairy was to visit him I presume) with one headphone in my ear and the other sitting on my lap so I could hear the nurse ask me if I’m, like, dying yet. I was trying my hardest not to laugh when Kevin was talking about the dirty old porn lady – I was in public and laughing at seemingly nothing isn’t taken well by others – when I realized that the young blonde haired guy sitting near me waiting for his infected thumb to be attended to was laughing. I thought maybe something funny had happened that I missed, like the doctor made yet another glove innuendo to the nurse, but Blondie was looking at me and laughing. It was then that I pulled out the headphone in my ear and realized the sound was up high enough that you could make out Alex saying “you’re looking up old lady porn?!” Blondie asked what I was watching, “Diggnation” I replied, he grinned and said “is it porn?”

For a brief moment the torridly evil part of my brain (which is about 83% for those wondering) wanted to tell him that, yes, Diggnation is indeed porn*, and inform him that he too could watch it at lemonparty.org – then I thought about it some more and concluded that it was far too evil. Even for me.

I laughed and replied, “no, it’s a weekly vodcast about popular stories on digg.com” he looked disappointed and went back to studying the asthma chart on the wall. I decided to switch to Dr Karl and watch the rest of Pornnation at a later date.

* I actually do have porn on my iPod. When I first purchased Maiya I needed a video to convert in iSquint so I could test it on my iPod. Porn was all I had.