Author Archives: Kitta

I receive some strange emails from time to time, ones that contain incoherent grammar and life stories about a dog named Jed who likes ice cream and I should totally meet one day, others contain nothing but questions that are so confusing it would take a crack team of code breakers to interpret. And from time to time I receive emails that clearly aren’t meant for my consumption…

From: Tammy
To: Nikita
Date: Jan 27, 2007 4:02 PM
Subject: Crossing Guards needed for January 29 – February 2

Please let me know if you can help out with this.

Tammy

I thought that informing the sender that they had the wrong email would be the swiftest way to stop future crossing guard spam. So I replied.

From: Nikita
To: Tammy
Date: Jan 27, 2007 5:46 PM
Subject: Re: Crossing Guards needed for January 29 – February 2

Tammy,

Sorry no can do, given that I am not a crossing guard and I have no idea who you are or why you are emailing me.

Kitta

One would think that would be equivalent to a “sorry wrong number” and the sender would get the idea. But not our Tammy.

From: Tammy
To: Nikita
Date: Jan 27, 2007 7:00 PM
Subject: Re: Crossing Guards needed for January 29 – February 2

I’m with the Kodiak Football League and once a month we do crossing guard duty to make money for the league. I received your name due to you having a boy in football.

Tammy

This Tammy, she is one smart cookie, she saw right through my reply. She knows that I am trying to get out of being a crossing guard at my imaginary boys football game. I thought it was about time to show Tammy who’s boss.

From: Nikita
To: Tammy
Date: Jan 28, 2007 1:00 AM
Subject: Re: Crossing Guards needed for January 29 – February 2

I have a boy? Last time I checked, I was sure that I have never given birth, and even if I did, I’m sure he would be more into CSS and surfing than football. That is how I imagine my imaginary child to be, a CSS ninja that surfs by day and codes by night. What is my imaginary child’s name?

And who is this person who gave you my name and said I am with child? I would like to talk to them about defaming my childless character and clear my child free name.

Kitta

Tammy has yet to reply.

Come on Tammy, be a good sport like your child and play along, don’t leave me wondering what my imaginary child is like. I just want to know his name! Just a name!

I found out today that I have been nominated for Best Australian or New Zealand Weblog in the Seventh Annual Weblog Awards, which is quite fitting given that it is Australia Day today. If you have a moment to spare, please vote for my blog, voting will close on February 2nd and winners will be announced on March 12 at SXSW.

Australia Day celebrates the day that Captain Arthur Phillip unfurled the British flag at Sydney Cove and proclaimed British sovereignty over the eastern seaboard of Australia in 1788. Nowadays, it’s predominantly about 40 degree days, BBQs, drinking, fireworks, cricket games and the Australian of the Year being announced.

Very few know the true history of that fateful day, many are to believe that Byron Bay was the location where Captain Arthur Philip unfurled the flag, I thought I would provide a timeline of events surrounding Australia Day for those who enjoy trivia and history…

• 1788 – Captain Arthur Phillip unfurls the British flag at Sydney Cove and proclaims British sovereignty over the eastern seaboard of Australia.
• 1808 – First recorded celebrations on 26 January.
• 1818 – Governor Macquarie holds the first official celebrations on 26 January, marking 30 years of white settlement.
• 1836 – First ‘Anniversary Regatta’ held on Sydney Harbour. Now called the Australia Day Regatta, it is the oldest continuous regatta in the world.
• 1838 – Fiftieth anniversary of Captain Phillip’s landing and commencement of traditional ‘Australia Day’ public holiday in NSW.
• 1888 – Centenary celebrations for Anniversary Day.
• 1901 – Federation of the Commonwealth of Australia.
• 1931 – ‘Australia Day’ adopted in Victoria.
• 1932 – ‘Australia Day’ adopted in NSW, only to be reversed to ‘Anniversary Day’ by the incoming state government.
• 1935 – Commonwealth Government and all States and Territories, except NSW, adopt ‘Australia Day’ as the official title for our national day.
• 1938 – 150th anniversary celebrations across the nation.
• 1946 – All States and Territories celebrate January 26 as ‘Australia Day’.
• 1960 – Sir Macfarlane Burnet named the first Australian of the Year.
• 1968 – Lionel Rose becomes the first Aboriginal Australian of the Year.
• 1979 – National Australia Day Council formed, incorporated in 1990.
• 1988 – Bi-centennial celebrations and for the first time a united public holiday on January 26 across the nation.
• 1992 – Inaugural Survival Concert held at La Perouse, now an annual event.
• 1994 – All States and Territories begin to celebrate Australia Day on January 26 for the first time.
• 2006 – Paris Hilton is paid million by an Australian beer company to party and look hot.

And for those of you that don’t care for history and would much rather a good addictive flash game, the ‘Rocky the Cocky’ game is highly addictive and amusingly named.

Happy Australia Day.

Something very strange and mystical has been happening to me lately. For the last few months I have had a radio present in my bathroom so I can listen to the radio while I have a shower, and every time I turn on the radio to have a shower a Nickleback song is playing.

Every. Single. Time.

Different variables do not matter; times of day, radio station, (Nova, 92.9, 96fm, CoastFM, I swear even Triple J has forsaken me) none change the outcome. The Nickleback monster always intrudes upon my shower just as I lather my shampoo.

Do I take this as a sign? I don’t know. Is the radio cursed by a voodoo priest that prays to the Nickleback gods? Maybe. Are tiny little trolls that live inside my radio trying to turn me into a Nickleback loving zombie? Possibly. Is Nickleback paying Perth radio stations thousands of dollars to ruin my showering experience? Totally. Will I get indexed on Google under ‘Nickleback Zombies’? Fuck yeah.

All I know is that if I hear one more Nickleback song I’m going to smash the radio (and it’s trolls) into tiny little bits, then put the bits into a container and attach lead weights to it and let it corrode at the bottom of the ocean.

Then we shall see who has their pants around their feet!

It’s Bloguary, the month formally know as January, that special month right after Christmas when every civil blogger turns into a crazed zombie that groans “awarddddsssss” in comments. They crave Bloggies like they are gold statues filled with sweet, sweet virgin baby blood, when in reality it’s an accolade printed on a bit of paper. Winners of Weblog of the Year were once given a shiny golden star that sort of resembled a rock, a few years ago I asked Ernie about the coveted golden rock that he won, he said “it would make a good paperweight.”

I was reading the nominations for the Australian Weblog Awards and saw one that has to be the most snide, delicious, and devilish nomination ever to grace it’s pages…

I nominate “Iain Hall, Heterdox Man” in the following categories:

• Best Illiterate Blog
• Best Try-Hard Blog
• Best Comment-Free Blog
• Best Performance by an Internet Stalker (twice)
• Best Dial-up-from-a-Queensland-cow-farm Blog

Bourbonboy – Thu, 2007 – 01 – 04 07:29

Happy Bloguary, may the best blogs win and inspire.

I have been quite busy lately; killing zombies with buckets, racing cars at absurd speeds, kicking little Asian girls asses in surreal tropical surroundings and sneaking up on rats in deep dark caverns.

As you can see in the above picture, I am now the proud owner of an Xbox 360, it was given to me by the loving boyfriend, Matt, as a Christmas present. Also, you should note that my nails are very long, very real, and very pink. I can officially say that I am spoilt, beyond spoilt in fact, it’s my belief that I’m in another universe of spoilt. I resemble the sun commanding the other planets of Spoiltopia to yield to their allocated courses or succumb to being flung into oblivion. Matt disputes the nirvana of Spoitopia. His argument is that he loves spoiling me and that I should enjoy it, so I shall.

Xavier is the name I have given my shiny new Xbox 360 (I name everything with a HDD) and we have become great friends. Alas, my friends and family have informed me that it was time to come up for air and catch up on email, blogging and life before everyone thought I had died of food poisoning or a firework gone awry.

Christmas was extremely hot, and also very peculiar given that Candy was not present on the day, she flew out to San Francisco on December 17th for a holiday. On Christmas Eve I took Matt to meet my extended family. He still has all limbs attached so one could say it went particularly well. We slept in late on Christmas day and enjoyed a late lunch consisting of turkey, ham, roast vegetables and all the trimmings. My mother cut into the turkey while it was upside down and became concerned when she found no meat, she was relived when I flipped it back over to show bountiful amounts of turkey meat. I received a Fantasy perfume gift pack and Lost box set from my mother, a Palmer’s body butter pack and Body Shop goodies from my grandmother, ‘Next’ by Michael Crichton from my brother, a Dymocks gift card from Matt’s parents and I am still awaiting the arrival of a present from a friend overseas. I am amazed at the sheer amount of thoughtful presents I received for Christmas.

New Years Eve was our first anniversary. We decided that due to the heat we would spend it having a roast dinner and watching some movies. We missed SoaP when it was out in the cinemas and had been anxious to see all the snakey plane action. Matt gave me gay porn and love cuffs, that are not intended for children under three years, as an anniversary gift.

My new years resolution is simple: finish my bloody re-design before my current design becomes mouldy and decayed.

We recently received a mass produced Christmas card from Kim Beazley. When I opened it all I could think about is the time he attended our school assembly.

It was your typical kissing-the-ass-of-a-politician event; mothers who work in the canteen dressed up like hookers in case they happen to be in the background of a photo, photographers bored out of their minds and wishing they were photographing bikini clad models in Hawaii, and kids fidgeting while being whisper yelled at by their over caffeinated teachers. After the principal had made introductions, fluffed his egocentric embossed feathers and managed to make half of the student population fall asleep, the Australian national anthem started playing over the speakers and none of us, not even the choir, knew the bloody words. Blushed and bemused the principal apologized to Mr Beazley.

To this day I am not sure what pissed off the principal more; that we didn’t know the lyrics to the Australian national anthem or that some of the older kids started singing the Burke’s Backyard theme song with some added pot related lyrics.

The latter would explain their inability to remember the national anthem.

I have been featured on the site 25Peeps.com, actually, it’s my tummy and Technorati shirt that has been featured on 25 Peeps. It’s an interesting site where people upload an image accompanied by a URL in hopes of being featured as one of the 25.

Viewer beware, one of the top peeps on the site is not what they seem.

Update…

I am now no longer featured on 25peeps.com, I graced it’s pages for three whole net days.

You have no idea how strong the urge is to decorate her cone with Christmas tinsel, mistletoe, ribbons and flashing lights. Must. Not. Humiliate. Dog.

Interesting.

The moment I think my blog is lacking substance and my readership has dropped because I no longer blog as much as I used to… I find out that I have become a finalist for Best Australia or New Zealand Blog in the 2006 Weblog Awards.

Vote for me if you think I am worthy of such a title, I promise to blog more if you honour me with it. Voting starts today and ends on the 15th of December and you can vote once every 24 hours. May the best blog win.