Established in 2002
My brother and I were watching Russell Coight’s celebrity challenge. Chrissie (the model) was sitting with a Powerbook in her lap, tapping away while explaining her website to one of her fellow campers…
Me: I didn’t know they have WIFI in the outback.
My Brother: Yeah, but not WIFI, there’s ports in all the trees.
Me: So the cables go through the roots?
My Brother: Pretty much.
I sat on the bed in the treatment room. The bright fluorescent lights were hurting my eyes, so I looked at my shoes dangling below the bed. I tried to remember the last time I wore high heels. “Oh strappy sexy shoes how I miss you.” I thought. I’m interrupted from my shoe remembrance ceremony by the nurse, I’m to have a lung function and she is to perform it. Fantastic. After some instruction on what to do I take a deep breath – well more like a piss weak breath – and blow as hard as I can, which is also piss weak. Two more piss weak breaths later I’m inhaling some Ventolin and the nurse says…
“Now, if you feel shaky, like you’ve just been surprised, or you feel dizzy and possibly nauseous, don’t worry. It’s just the Ventolin.”
Why do they never tell you about the adverse side effects beforehand? “By the way, you’re head might explode in the next five minutes, but don’t worry, we have a bucket just in case.” No, I’m not worried at all. I don’t really like my head that much anyway.
“I didn’t want to tell you about that before, in case it freaked you out.”
Freak out? I can hardly breathe at the moment so if I even contemplated freaking out I’d probably pass out, but one would like to know of such side effect beforehand if it’s at all possible.
The lung function was necessary to see if the lung infection might have caused a slight case asthma, and would explain the breathing troubles I’m having. As it turns out, I don’t have asthma, after I was given the Ventolin it made my breathing worse, not better. I was informed that was good news, while I was trying to cough up my lung to clear my airway.
After I coughed up a lung, I was sent home with three new prescriptions to fill, including a sleeping pill which I decided not to fill because it contains lactose (lactose is used as a binding agent or coating in medications). which is a pity, it would be nice to be able to get some sleep.
Remember how I blogged about my doctor telling me that I looked like shit? Well, it turns out that she actually wrote that down in my medical file…
“Possible lung infection. Patient looks like shit.”
Let this be known as the looking like shit phase.
My first big spam attack, 60+ comments, and my baby caught them all.
“You look like shit.” My doctor said that to me last Wednesday and I think it sums up the last two weeks perfectly. I’ve never felt so shitty in my life, I doubt I even felt this level of shittyness when I had influenza a few years back, or that horrible UTI which knocked me off my feet last year.
The blood results came back yesterday, they called to tell me that I’m negative for whooping cough. So hopefully people will stop making up excuses like “oh, I can’t come round because, umm, I just cut my legs off” to stay away from me. I can’t get in to see my doctor until next Monday, “she’s not in” I was told. Not in? Aren’t doctors meant to be superior beings who never get sick and because of this they are forced to write so poorly?
I’m guessing that I should keep taking the antibiotics I’m on since she didn’t really cover what to do if it wasn’t whooping cough. They (the antibiotics) cover most respiratory problems and seem to be helping. I am slowly starting to feel better. I’m sleeping a solid five hours at night and today was the first day that the clouds in my mind had cleared and I could get some work done. Glorious clear mind, how I missed thee.
I am quite annoyed with this mystery illness, so far, I’ve missed Perths first blogging conference (which I hear was fantastic) and Halloween. Melbourne cup day also passed me by today. My cup day shoes and dress sit in a draw crying silently, the shoes can be heard mumbling something about how my feet aren’t good enough for them. I promised I’d make it up to them, take them out for a night on the town when I’m well, they just pouted their heel.
If I get worse I’ll try to get in to see another doctor, otherwise, all I can do is watch Oprah and knit more scarfs to add to the pile. I’m turning into one of those people who watch way too much TV and say “Oprah said…”
It’s scary.
I went to the doctor again today, my throat infection is better, but my doctor thinks that I now have whooping cough. Which would explain the horrible coughing fits and why I have only been able to sleep for an hour or two during the night, I no longer sleep, I just cough and cough and cough…
If you know of anything that can help with the cough please leave a comment, I’m so exhausted. 😦
Kitta is not well, not well at all. She has a terrible throat infection and hasn’t been able to talk in days. She wishes she could do a virus scan and re-install on her body and she’s not sure what’s worse: mind numbingly high temperatures or day time television.
I was looking up information on the Murdoch University website (ever noticed University websites just go round and round in circles?) when I saw a list of their new courses starting soon, and one of them caught my eye – Security, Terrorism and Counterterrorism (which I’d love to link to, but in true University style their site is going up and down like a $5 hooker). Clearly, terrorism is such a hot topic that teaching organisations are now providing courses on security, terrorism and counterterrorism.
“This course provides students with a critical understanding of the nature of security, terrorism and counterterrorism measures in Australia and other parts of the world. It defines security broadly to incorporate the protection of individuals and their values, norms, rules, institutions and property from military and non-military threats. It explains terrorism as a threat to security, but suggests a multiple approach to the ‘war on terror’, involving diplomacy, development, capacity building and military force.”
The unit ‘Spies, Saboteurs and Secret Agents’ intrigues me the most. I can just imagine how one of the classes would go…
Teacher: Now class today I am going to show you a slideshow of some of the worlds top spies, you can all learn a lot from them, so please do pay attention…
Teacher: Here we have Bond, James Bond. Known for being the only man who can save the world, get the girl, drink quite a bit and not get his clothes dirty or wrinkled in the process.
Teacher: Next we have the shagadelic Austin Powers, he combines 60’s style and jokes about shagging into all his work. It is not known if these are tactics, or if he really is like that.
A picture of a naked Britney Spears appears on the screen. The students laugh and someone can be heard whispering “now that’s my kind of spy!”
Teacher: And here we have… OH MY! She’s not a spy, not a spy at all.
Teacher: Ok, who was the smart ass who put that in there? This is serious you know, we are trying to learn about Spies, Saboteurs and Secret Agents!
Teacher: Now, where was I, oh yes, Spy Kids…
I pulled open the door and walked into the computer store, there was a line so I waited behind two guys in front of me while they talked to the sales dude behind the counter. The two guys were clearly looking for a new computer, all the classic signs were there; one hand was clutching a ton of brochures, while the other hand massaged a growing headache. The conversation went like this…
Guy #1: “Does it come with speakers?”
Sales Dude: “Yes it does.”
Guy #2: “Can I run it through my stereo?”
Sales Dude: “Yes you can.”
Guy #1: “I heard it can mess up the stereo if you do that…”
Sales Dude, trying his best not to laugh: “Umm, no.”
The guys look at each other, nodding in acceptance of the information they just received. “Ok, we’ll think about it and get back to you” they say, to which the sales dude replies “Cool”. They were just about to leave the store to contemplate speaker options when one of the shiny skyhawk cases caught guy #2’s eye.
Guy #2: “Whoa. Check that out! It has a window and lights!”
Guy #1, in a trance from the lights: “Oooooooo.”
Guy #2: “Does it come with that?”
Sales Dude: “No it doesn’t, you’ll have to pay more for that case.”
More nodding.
When they finally leave, I walk up to the counter smile, laugh and exchange ‘they have no bloody idea’ look with the sales dude.
Kitta.net