Monthly Archives: February 2007

MySpace, for years it has been a platform for angry depressed emo children to express how much life totally sucks and for old men to play girl pokemon by collecting as many female profiles as humanly possible. Apparently, it’s now also a platform for students to cheat with. I received this plea for help via MySpace recently…

From: C.A.R.M.I.N.E.
Date: 16 Feb 2007, 07:26 AM
Subject: hey hows it goin

Im a student at CCM in NJ– i work 80 hrs a week and i have NO time to finish my critical assignment . Im lookin for someone to make a simple XHTML website for my class by this monday 2/19— Easy 5 page website- and one element of javascript— i have all of the pictures, it can look like crap— i just need the code- Quick, Easy money.

Im offering around $100- $150

lemme know!

thanks, Carmine

I know some people might jump at the chance to throw up some code and rearrange it’s regurgitated bits into something that resembles five crappy pages for a quick $100, but I don’t condone plagiarism as mush as I don’t trust a random person on MySpace to pay me. I pondered the the above correspondence for a few days, and then replied with a helpful message comprised of years of experience…

From: Kitta
Date: 27 Feb 2007, 07:56 PM
Subject: Re: hey hows it goin

Dearest Carmine,

Maybe you should drop some ecstasy, I hear that Zeldman does it when he’s between a rock and a hard place, and an ecstasy trip was how the horrendous MySpace design came about, it’s pretty crap, which is the exact look you said you were going for. Just don’t freak out if your Div’s eat your tables, they’re totally meant to do that.

Good luck,
Kitta

Today is Pancake Day, a day when everyone oils up their pans, beats their batter and makes sugary or savoury pancakey goodness. What do you get if you mash-up Talk Like a Pirate Day with Pancake Day?

Yarr, pirate pancakes me hearties!

For Valentine’s Day, the boyfriend gave me a gorgeous white gold ring with a heart shaped cubic zirconia, he also sent me a beautiful bouquet of red roses, a first, as I have never had anyone send me roses on Valentine’s Day in the past.

The gifts were accompanied by an amusing and complimentary card, it reads…

For my girlfriend,

I have always admired your beauty and grace,
Your sparkling eyes and your sweet smiling face.
But the reason my feelings are so hard to curb…

…Is your boobs are fantastic and your bum is superb.

Step 1.

Wake up to find election spam on your doorstep.

Step 2.

Gather up the numerous ‘vote for me or midget bats that fire peanuts from their ass will kill you’ pieces of paper, including duplicates, and fold them up into a neat package.

Step 3.

Write a little note to Mr Graeme Coleman that reads ‘stop being a vote whore’ to express how much you appreciate his election tactics of sending minions to ring your doorbell at 8am and spam your letterbox daily.

Step 4.

Put said note and all pieces of paper into an envelope and mail it back to Mr Graeme Coleman, as you have already voted via postal vote and wish for them to be recycled onto another unsuspecting doorstep or turned into toilet paper.

Step 5.

Blog about it.