November 2007 – Kitta.net

Wrongfully Single

Another day, another person stealing my photos and posting them on a dating website.

This time, it’s a dating advert on Craigslist, entitled “Beautiful Girl Needs Someone!”

At least this time I’m not into group relationships or grannies. This time, I desire quiet evenings in front of the fire cuddling and watching a movie, I lust after someone who will go on a bike with me and allow me to cook a real meal for them. I’m not sure what I mean by ‘real meal’, possibly I was into imagining food at some point, and have since moved onto real food.

“I enjoy having a good time am told that I am a lot of fun to be with. I like to be spontaneous and spur of the moment is ok with me. I like to do crazy funny things.. Yet, I also like quiet evenings in front of the fire cuddling and watching a movie. Would like to meet someone of same interests, Someone to go on the bike with, someone to cook a real meal for, someone to just spend time with and hang out and talk with.”

I’m sure the flock peeps will love the free publicity. Myself, on the other hand, hope that I don’t have to post an entry entitled ‘wrongfully engaged’ after a reader emails me about my photos being used on a Russian mail order bride website.

Thanks goes out to a secret ninja, who prefers to remain stealthy unknown, that emailed me about the Craigslist advert. I shall sleep sound at night knowing there are ninjas in the world protecting the internets.

Wrongfully Gay

Apparently, I’m a 5'6" lesbian living in the UK, looking for 18 to 99 year old single gay woman, female gay couples and groups for a relationship or 1-on-1 sex. I work in the media and have a rather average bust. Above all, I’m looking for honesty.

That is what a profile on gaydargirls.com says. It was brought to my attention by a reader who recognised the photos as mine and sent me an email regarding the profile. I have emailed gaydargirls.com asking for the profile to be removed. I’m not sure what aggravates me the most; the fact someone stole my photos or that they said I’m 5'6" and seeking a 99 year old woman.

The rest of the biography on the profile is literary genius…

“Like so many others i have been caught out after i have given my address to someone on here! So i expect some bloke to turn up at some point, scary stuff! makes a change to take a knife with me to bed instead of a woman! Whats the point in describing yourself when you have a pic?? What i like is a different story, women mainly, surprise surprise! seriously im a normal sort of girly, very fem, whjo like to drink hard, play hard and live life to the full, after all, we only get one shot at it.”

It never ceases to amaze me how the people that are the least honest always play the honesty card.

What Women Want

I was perusing my postal vote ballet paper for the 2007 Australian federal election today, and one party caught my eye, as I’m sure it will do so with other postal voters and the rest of Australia on election day…

There is a party called ‘What Women Want’ in this years election.

First thing that came to mind was Mel Gibson waxing his legs while drunk in the aptly named movie. Then I started to ponder their policies…

Free tampons.
Laws against partners coming home later than 1am after drinks with the boys.
Chocolate and red wine added to the PBS.
Tax free shoes.
Low interest home loans for any guy that builds a girl a house like in The Notebook.
Paid toil days for that time of the month.
Emergency manicure and pedicure treatments on Medicare.
Support line for women who think they are fat/ugly/alone/lacking chocolate/etc, that is operated by caring gay men that have obtained Cert III in Gay Caring For Premenstrual Women from TAFE.

And yes, I am aware that by making these jokes about women – and their wants – I’m setting us back ten years, but they started it by naming their party ‘What Women Want.’

As always, first party to buy me an LCD HDTV will win my vote.