January 2008 – Kitta.net

Kit Without The Kat

One of my boyfriends highly professional workmates purchased a KitKat at work, and to his amazement, it had no wafers present amongst the chocolatey goodness. Shock and horror was felt among the workers to find a waferless KitKat. As my boyfriend likes to fight against evil doers and injustice in the workplace – occasionally when I forget his job description, I just say he works for Torchwood – he decided to call Nestle and transcribe the entire conversation, and then email it to me for my perusal and enjoyment…

“Hello, how can I help you?”

“Well, I just had a disappointing experience with one of your chocolate products.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, which product was it?”

“The KitKat.”

“Was that a standard KitKat?”

“It was branded as such, but I soon discovered it was substandard.”

“So what was the problem with the KitKat?”

“I guess you could say it had no Kat in it.”

“No cat in it?”

“Yes, it was missing the delicious chocolatey wafer Kat centre.”

“Oh, that definitely would have made the experience less enjoyable.”

“Definitely. It was a disappointment to find the absence of the wafer inside. I mean, I would say that would be the whole point of the KitKat, wouldn’t you?”

“I’m very sorry to hear that, Sir. We will have a refund out to you with an apology letter as soon as possible.”

“Thank you, I trust that my experience with your confectionary in the future will be much more satisfactory.”

True to their word, Nestle sent a $5 cheque in the mail for the anguish caused by the Kit being Katless and they have yet to figure out how to spend the immense sum. Another injustice solved.

Sexiest Geek

According to Wired’s third annual Sexiest Geeks list, I am one of 2007’s sexiest geeks.

I’m unsure what one is meant to say when they receive such a prestigious and esteemed nomination.

Every year, Wired nominates the smartest, sexiest and most Wired men and women of the year. I’m up there with the sexy greats; Danica McKellar, Kary Byron, Amber MacArthur, Kary Byron (her clone), Morgan Webb, Olivia Munn, Leah Culver, Veronica Belmont, Felicia Day, Leah Culver (another clone), Kristen Bell, Alyson Hannigan and Joss Whedon. Who sadly seems to be the last man standing in the top-rated list. Whedon must possess some awesome fanboy powers or have hundreds of monkeys to do his evil biddings.

And then there is me, somewhere in the middle of it all, with 830 positive and 476 negative votes. Accompanying my photo is a short description which claims that I possess “mad CSS skillz” and that I enjoy playing WoW. Mad CSS skillz, that is such a nice thing for you to say… I mean, my code is really depreciated. I know, I’ve been wanting to release my re-design into the wild, but I’m trying to overachieve with it, do something amazing, which is a bit like trying to bend a spoon with your mind when you have no mind to bend it wit… Wait a minute.

Since when do I play WoW?

I’m pretty sure I have never played World of Warcraft, as I prefer FPS over MMORPG’s. So unless my WoW playing friends have drugged and kidnapped me for the horde or someone is posing as me on WoW (which would be a new level of weird that has yet to be achieved by my fakers/posers), I’m pretty sure I have never played WoW.

Does this mean you were lying about the “mad CSS skillz” too?

Update…

I have been cloned. There are now two of me present on Wired’s Sexiest Geeks of 2007 list. Can you pick which one is the cyborg?

2008 Predictions

I’ve never been a fan of resolutions made hastily while celebrating the start of a new year. Why not embark on resolutions throughout the year, instead of making unreachable resolutions to cease bad habits, then proceeding to give them up before the Easter bunny is due? I prefer predictions.

So ladies, gentlemen, drunk people who are waking up from NYE induced paralysis, ninjas, and pirates; here are my 2008 predictions for your perusal…

Imitation beer flavoured Coca Cola; no alcohol, no sugar, no fat, no point.
An American man tries to eBay his wife’s brain. He claims she no longer uses it.
Cookie Monster comes out of the closet and admits he really loves brownies, not cookies.
Amy Winehouse is arrested for kidnapping a four year old boy. She maintains the boy curled up and fell asleep in her beehive hairdo, and that she was too drunk to hear the screams of terror upon his waking in the darkened beehive of doom.
Signs used during the writers strike announce that they will be striking until demands of better hours and conditions are met. One sign says he was left on the side of the road while a writer went for Starbucks. The unnamed sign now suffers from PTS (Post Tarmatic Stress).
An American lady tries to eBay her husbands penis. She claims he doesn’t know how to use it properly, and she would rather it be owned by a more experienced user.
Britney Spears starts her own blog. The tag line reads, “Dis iz ma buloowwg ya’lll” and confuses readers with her intoxicated ramblings.
Google releases a ‘Britney to English’ translator.
Oprah starts Twittering.
President Bush is excited when he finds Bin Laden. The joy is short lived when his advisors point out that he has found Wally, not Bin Laden.
Twittering is finally acceptable at the dinner table because Oprah is doing it.
Apple releases the iSuck. A vacuum cleaner that analyses your household dirt to alert you of any pathogens lurking under your feet.
2-girls-1-cup; the musical.
A young man in England discovers a hidden achievement for Guitar Hero 3 on Xbox Live after his girlfriend smashes his guitar during the 759th performance of ‘Through the Fire and Flames’. He said he was shocked to see “Achievement Unlocked: Owned :p” appear on the screen.
Humans now cooler than Ninjas and Pirates combined.
Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline hook up. Oh… Wait, too late.