I Am Heartbroken
If there is one thing I excel at in life, it is making brownies, no one I know makes brownies like I make brownies. So much so that they have been nicknamed ‘Kick Ass Brownies’, the nickname was given to them when a friend tried them for the first time and I asked them what they thought, their reply was simply “kick ass”. They are also known as ‘Marry Me Brownies’, due to the fact that when someone eats one the first words out of their mouth is normally “marry me Kitta”, to which I always reply “you just want me for my brownies”.
Today I learnt the shocking truth that one of my so-called brownie lovers has been cheating on me behind my apron tied back, he has been eating another womans brownies!
Noodlez: I am sorry to say, but I can’t marry you anymore.
Noodlez: Bec makes even better brownies.
Kitta: OMG that bitch!
Kitta: I am shocked!
Noodlez: Ha ha.
Kitta: You brownie cheater!
Kitta: You could have said “I think I need to eat other peoples brownies”, but no, instead you went behind my back and ate her brownies!
Noodlez: Hey! You kept saying no, so I went and found someone else.
Noodlez: Someone who would accept me for my brownie loving ways.
I had to end the conversation there, I was shocked and appalled, and his betrayal has left me feeling heartbroken and unloved. It’s as if he stabbed me in the heart with the chocolate covered knife I use to cut said brownies that he once claimed as his beloved. He brownie cheated on me, with her, the she-devil brownie making minx!
One day she will stop making him the brownies that he loves so dearly, and then he will come crawling back to me, begging and pleading for me to make him some brownies like I once did. But I won’t make them for him, I won’t let him eat a crumb or even lick the spoon, oh no, I have learnt a cruel lesson today that I will remember until the day I die. I will tell him to go find his brownies elsewhere, and he will end up in Thailand with a young girl that charges by the hour, uses unsanitary cooking implements and says “me bake for you long time”.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go jump off a very high building, the rejection is just too much to bear, and I can no longer live in a world where my brownies are no longer kick ass. 😦