I Am Heartbroken

If there is one thing I excel at in life, it is making brownies, no one I know makes brownies like I make brownies. So much so that they have been nicknamed ‘Kick Ass Brownies’, the nickname was given to them when a friend tried them for the first time and I asked them what they thought, their reply was simply “kick ass”. They are also known as ‘Marry Me Brownies’, due to the fact that when someone eats one the first words out of their mouth is normally “marry me Kitta”, to which I always reply “you just want me for my brownies”.

Today I learnt the shocking truth that one of my so-called brownie lovers has been cheating on me behind my apron tied back, he has been eating another womans brownies!

Noodlez: I am sorry to say, but I can’t marry you anymore.
Kitta: Aww.
Noodlez: Bec makes even better brownies.
Kitta: OMG that bitch!
Kitta: I am shocked!
Kitta: I…
Noodlez: Ha ha.
Kitta: You brownie cheater!
Kitta: You could have said “I think I need to eat other peoples brownies”, but no, instead you went behind my back and ate her brownies!
Noodlez: Hey! You kept saying no, so I went and found someone else.
Noodlez: Someone who would accept me for my brownie loving ways.

I had to end the conversation there, I was shocked and appalled, and his betrayal has left me feeling heartbroken and unloved. It’s as if he stabbed me in the heart with the chocolate covered knife I use to cut said brownies that he once claimed as his beloved. He brownie cheated on me, with her, the she-devil brownie making minx!

One day she will stop making him the brownies that he loves so dearly, and then he will come crawling back to me, begging and pleading for me to make him some brownies like I once did. But I won’t make them for him, I won’t let him eat a crumb or even lick the spoon, oh no, I have learnt a cruel lesson today that I will remember until the day I die. I will tell him to go find his brownies elsewhere, and he will end up in Thailand with a young girl that charges by the hour, uses unsanitary cooking implements and says “me bake for you long time”.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go jump off a very high building, the rejection is just too much to bear, and I can no longer live in a world where my brownies are no longer kick ass. 😦

26 Comments on “I Am Heartbroken

  1. Maybe you should branch out and start selling your brownies online. Share the kick-assedness of your browning with the world.

  2. mmmm, brownies… much better then cake or pie. I’m a big fan of Betty Crocker brownies…. my favorite! mmmm…. i’m hungry now.

    dang, i had something else to say, but for the life of me, i can’t remember what it is… I guess I will just go eat something then πŸ˜›

  3. I somehow adore you and your style :adore: Just, just keep writing πŸ˜€

    (And btw, if you say your brownies are that good, I promise I will never cheat on your brownies – just send them this way ^^)

  4. Men and their brownie-loving ways! *Fumes*

    Just don’t start going through the “brownie slutty” period where you cook brownies for all the boys in the neighborhood. It’s tempting to sow your wild brownie oats (flour?), but try to remain classy. ^_~

  5. hahah, you blog about brownie cheating and google ads matches this up with private investigators… I say we hire a PI to mess up Bec’s brownie recipe!

  6. Well at least I came out and told you. I figured you would rather hear it from me instead of from someone else.
    And to be honest, all you ever did was lead me on. Tempting me with the next time I would get to taste those brownies of yours.
    I just found someone who is willing to give me brownies anytime I want them.

    We can still be friends?

  7. Hi Kitta,
    It’s the She-devil brownie making minx. What can I say… I didn’t mean to ruin your life, please don’t jump! You see it’s partly HIS fault anyway (here’s the part where I start to blame other people) because he didn’t tell me that you were famous for your kickass brownies until he was stuffing mine into his mouth with crumbs cascading down. Granted, I could have taken action and pried them out of his hand at the thought of him brownie cheating on you, but at the time I was too scared of losing multiple fingers.

    Maybe mine aren’t the best anyway, maybe it was just due to the fact that he hasn’t been getting any from you for a while and had to settle in finding his forfillment elsewhere. It’s been so long since he tasted the source that a substitute seemed better than it actually was. Maybe it was the added frills like the fact that they had 3 different kinds of Lindt chocolate in the mix, was topped with raspberry sauce and connoisseur vanilla icecream. What can I say.. I know I’m a hussy but I just wanted his Love!!!

    You see I could also blame my friend Jen who’s recipe it is, and infact she makes them even better than I do. I even burnt them a little on top! I’m sure when it comes down to it yours are probably better and healthier too. If it came down to comparing, the shear thought of a bake-off would terrify me so much with all that pressure that I’m sure yours would turn out far superior. My lemon tart on the other hand…

    And babe, a reply to you. Just because the first came free, don’t think the next will. You have to EARN your brownie rewards. Don’t think you will get them whenever you want! It’s my way of making sure you stick around.

    In closing Kitta, I want a husband too one day, and this may have been the only way to secure it. I’m sorry, but I was desperate! You have so many men dying to marry you for your brownies that I thought you wouldn’t notice one slip. Please let this one go and I’ll promise to never make brownies for any other man besides him again πŸ˜€

  8. Sorry Natedog, I’m a one man only brownie maker. I have to be totally devoted, besides I promised Kitta that I would only steal one man from her marriage list. LOL
    Bec xx

  9. Bec: Thank you for clarifying the situation, I knew there were more ingredients to the story than Noodlez let on. And you can have Nate, I don’t want him. :p Just donÒ€ℒt put your brownies anywhere near my Matt and we’re cool. πŸ™‚

  10. C’mon now! It’s only fair that those of us who will never be able to show our devotion to you and your ‘Kickass Brownies’ be able to make them ourselves. Empower us and share the recipe!!! Those things look freaking awesome!

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  12. Bec has much to answer for.

    Stealing my brownie receipe and then *perverting* it with such things as raspberry sauce and vanilla ice-cream.

    I’m so terribly sorry, Kitta, that this disaster has occurred,and caused you such heartbreak.

    I shall raid Bec’s house and take back the stolen receipe, to ensure no such evil can be repeated.

    I too have issues with said man and his predilection for chocolate foodstuffs. Clearly bec could do better. And honestly – you’re much better off without him counted in your list of brownie suitors. ;-p

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