The F Word

I was hunting through Valleygirl recently looking for a bargain. I found a few dresses that I liked and headed towards the change room. I waited in line and tapped away at Zombie Farm on my iPhone. Grow, invade, grow, invade. In front of me was a young couple, the man waited patiently and tried to say the right things at the right moments.

“Is this cute?”

“Depends what you mean by cute,” he replied while rubbing the sheer material together to see if it was durable.

“Cute, like, good cute, not bad cute,” she said while trying to explain the definition of girl world cute.

“I guess it’s good cute, this part here, what do you call it?”

“The straps?”

“Yeah, they’re a bit, strappy,” he said with a serious stap talking look on his face.

“Strappy?”

“Umm, bad starappy?” he guessed.

“You’re right, it is bad strappy, but still cute.”

The man was confident with his girl translation achievement, he decided to wet his fashion palette more.

“This one is a bit small, you should get it in a bigger size for when you get fat.”

The entire store stopped and stared; jaws dropped, hangers crashed to the ground, a lady opened the change room door to visualise the guy who called his beloved fat…

Did he just say the F word?

“Pregnant fat! She’s pregnant! I’m buying her pregnant clothes, she’s not fat, she’s pretty and pregnant, good fat not bad fat!” he quickly explained to the entire store full of females hungrily waiting to defend their fellow vagina-card carrying sister.

Everyone laughed and put down pointed objects once the F word was explained in detail and awkwardness was averted. The sales girl wished them good luck as he proceeded to purchase a five bags of good cute clothing for his soon-to-be good fat beloved pregnant partner. It takes a brave man to patiently wait by while their significant other try on varies sizes, colours and types of the same dress to decide which is good cute and bad cute.

6 Comments on “The F Word

  1. That story is so (good) cute. I actually love going dress shopping with a girlfriend. Probably the second-gayest thing about me actually. The gayest thing is that I’m really good at it. 😛

  2. Whew, he dodged a bullet on that one. I once took things too far, underestimating the room’s sense of humor.

    A friend was playing Wii (I think bowling) and was blocking my view from the couch. I missed something on the TV and remarked that I couldn’t see, “because her big ass [was] in the way.” She thought it was hilarious, the rest of the ladies in the room, not so much. 😉

    p.s. My company network blocks your site… I find that ridiculous.

  3. *lol* What a fabulous story!! I want to ‘retweet’ at this point, but I don’t have a button for that. 😉

  4. A friend was playing Wii (I think bowling) and was blocking my view from the couch. I missed something on the TV and remarked that I couldn’t see, “because her big ass [was] in the way.” She thought it was hilarious, the rest of the ladies in the room, not so much.
    +1

  5. I didn’t know there was such thing as “bad cute” I thought “cute” was a description of “that looks nice” … more fool me.

    Aww bless the guy, we should probably stop thinking that everything that rolls out of their mouths is mean and undermining. I cannot really take my boyfriend shopping because he is brutally honest and if I look like a hippo then he will say “you look like a hippo” rather than sugar coating it as “maybe you should try a different shape”.

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