I will be turning 23 years old on August 2nd, a pirate themed birthday party is in the making to celebrate, yarr, and my friends and family have started enquiring about my desires in the present department. I have a feeling that my mother will be giving me a Nintendo DS Lite because, well, I have been brainwashing her since about January with Nintendo propaganda. My brother and I have birthdays only weeks apart, so every year my mother complains about how insensitive we are to have been born so close together, and how she has to pick one to spend more money on…
“Your birthdays are too close, I never have a payday between them to buy your presents.”
“You say that like it’s our fault,” I replied.
“I should have waited a few more days to have you, so there was a payday between your birthdays.”
“I’m sorry that my lungs developed too quickly and my impending birth wasn’t synchronized after payday. If I had womb wifi, I could have checked my Googlegaga calendar and then I would have known to spawn slower to allow for a payday, but I was a tad busy growing major organs at the time.”
“Always an excuse,” said my mother, who managed to own my rant in only three words.
“Did you not learn anything from Aston Kutcher movies?”
“Demi Moore’s boyfriend, in the Butterfly Effect.”
“Oh, him, I thought he was her son.”
“So does the National Enquirer.”
Only my mother could take a conversation from birthdays to incest in a matter of seconds.