Army Of The Expectant

I was reading an article in a newspaper today about the increase of births taking place in hospitals instead of home, it quoted an associate professor on the subject, who said, “Women are using things they don’t need, things like epidurals.”

Did I ever share with you, dear Internet, that I am blessed with psychic abilities? No?

Well, I totally am… No, I can’t read your future or your mind, but I do predict that the person who was quoted in the article will meet a mob of crazy-ass pregnant chicks (two of whom are pregnant friends of mine, that pray to the anaesthesia god daily) late one night in an alley way, they will be armed with breast pumps and wearing nappies as ninja face masks to hide their identity. The mob will proceed to break the professors legs and then ask if they would like to kindly retract that statement.

I also predict rain on Wednesday.

10 Comments on “Army Of The Expectant

  1. This calls for a Coupling quote.

    Steve: There’s going to be pain…
    Susan: Yes.
    Steve: Pain for which relief will be offered…
    Susan: Yes.
    Steve: But which, apparently, you won’t want…
    Susan: Yes.
    Steve: This is not an intelligence test that anyone should fail!

    May the monkeys bless the BBC and Jack Davenport 😀

  2. I had a baby, without an epidural. I had pethadine during the contractions and nothing while i pushed him out. THe epidural restricts you from moving around lots cuase you have a massive horrible needle in your spine. My mom had 3 kids she had an epidural when she had me the third, and she said it was shit. It’s not worth it. You forget the pain anyhow after hte pushing the kid out. I’m anti-epidural 😀

  3. When I read “The mod/b will proceed to break the professors legs and then ask…” I thought it’s going to be “Would you like anesthesia, or prefer to limp on your own broken legs back home?”

    LOL, thats just too funny.

  4. The girls at work and I just had this discussion and the ones who already had children swear that the epidural is the best thing ever.
    You just know that that article was written by man who will never, ever have to deal with the indignity of squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grape.

  5. Women have been having children without epidurals for thousands of years, why would they suddenly need them now? Besides, there’s evidence that they aren’t as safe as many people thought they were, and that they do negatively effect the baby.

    And someone is sticking a huge needle in your spine! Yech.

  6. Actually, I took a women’s health class in college a few years ago and I learned a lot about pregnancy and childbirth and I was surprised by a lot of things. I have a really low threshold of pain and always figured I would be the one screaming “give me drugs!” but after the class I strongly encourage women to learn more about natural childbirth. I think there’s so much we don’t consider when it comes to epidurals and more importantly, hospitals and doctors don’t seem to take the time to discuss a woman’s option and instead assume (or insist) on the epidural. I’ve never had a child and I would never judge someone negatively for getting the epidural I just think it’s important to know what’s out there.

  7. I’ve heard it said…”If you want to know what childbirth feels like, grab your upper lip and stretch it over your head.”

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