Things Matt Can't Have

Matt and I have been together for six months today – I will now pause for you all to let out a “dawwww” – and since I have known him not a week has pasted without him asking if he can have random silly things, as most are animal based I always reply with a stern “no”. It’s not that I’m being mean, sure, if he had a farm with a salt lake he could have a Dolphin and a Zebra, but since he rents a townhouse I doubt his landlord or his housemates would be very happy about a Dolphin being in the bath or a Zebra in the kitchen. I now present you with a list I have kept of things he can’t have…

Things Matt can’t have

  • Helper monkey
  • Baby panda
  • Pod racer
  • Pet Jar Jar Binks
  • Penguin
  • Beaver
  • Baby polar bear
  • Baby lion
  • Lion
  • Dolphin
  • Baby seal
  • Cheetah
  • Zebra
  • Eagle
  • Hawk
  • Raven
  • Pet midget
  • Squirrel
  • Chipmunk
  • Turtle
  • Fox
  • Lemur
  • Mongoose
  • Tortoise
  • Quokka
  • Giraffe
  • Musk ox
  • A flux capacitor
  • $3000 LCD TV (apparently one needs a $3000 TV for an Xbox 360’s graphics to look any good)
  • Matching scooters and scooter jackets
  • A robot ATM (like the one on the ANZ bank TVC)

“Why don’t you ever want something normal, like a puppy or a hooker” I asked him one day, to which he replied “would you let me have a puppy or a hooker?”

Note to self: Never take Matt to the zoo.

18 Comments on “Things Matt Can't Have”

  1. I’ll be really worried about him!! He a little to much into animals!!! You better not take him to the zoo, he might get to excited lol lol he be humping the animals lol lol

    that great 6 months a a great start. I am sure the two of you are happy .

    Maine, USA


  2. I was just joking about that kitta and matt. Hay matt, how about some bigger things like a 64 foot boat 🙂 hmmmm yess!


  3. Matteh: wow she let you have that thats good. she look good up ther on the bow with her bikini lol lol.

    Maine USA


  4. Dan, not only do you type like an 8 year old from a foriegn country, but you’re also trying way too hard to impress Kitta/Matt. In hopes of becomming an “inner-circle” friend?

    Keep it real. You apologised for seemingly no reason, simply because neither Kitta nor Matt replied to your first comment and you, being paranoid, insecure and self-concious, made yourself believe that you’d upset them somehow.

    Good Day~

    – Your Resident Psychologist


  5. Heehee, you so have to let him get a helper monkey. *pictures Matt playing his XBox360 on his $3000 T.V while a monkey picks at his hair and combs crumbs out of his four-day-old beard*.


  6. The $3000 TV will not just make the 360 graphics look any good, but SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good, you will think you are there….so really, you’d be paying $3000 for a lifetime of awesome expiriences. Sounds like a deal to me.


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