Top Bloke

Do you know Dan?

I got to know Dan quite well this week while waiting for an appointment, I sat in a waiting room for about 20 minutes listening to the guy behind me have a conversation with a younger girl about The Great Dan, who is a top bloke by the way, even if he does break shit a lot when he’s not smoking.

Guy: All my friends are top blokes.
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Josh, now Josh is a top bloke.
Girl: He’s bit of a pot head.
Guy: But he’s still a top bloke.
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Dan’s a top bloke too.
Girl: I don’t know, he seems a bit… on edge at times, like he’s going to kill me with an axe at any moment.
Guy: Yeah, he’s quit smoking again, every time he quits smoking he breaks everyone’s stereos.
Girl: Oh.
Guy: He just goes nuts without the fags.
Guy: He’s a top bloke though.
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: You know how his windshield is cracked?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: He cracked that the last time he quit smoking while he was trying to kill a fly by punching it.
Girl:
Guy: We told him to just keep smoking, it’s not worth quiting.
Girl:
Guy: Top bloke that Dan though.

It was at that point in the conversation that I my name was called, which is a pity, I was really enjoying hearing about the adventures of nicotine addicted Dan. He’s a top bloke you know. They could make a drinking game out of that guy, every time he says ‘top bloke’ you drink a shot, you would be plastered in no time.

13 Comments on “Top Bloke

  1. Even potheads, axe-murderers and nicotine freaks need friends. Still, I wonder what stuff people say about me before they add that I’m a top bloke…

  2. I love how, after this post, there are Google ads on the page for techniques to stop smoking. The Quit campaign must regard Kitta as a top bloke.
    Can you tell the uninformed among us how this happens, or is it black online voodoo?
    David “top bloke” Cohen

  3. My ex-flatmate once cracked his windscreen by punching a fly.
    I thought he was the only person stupid enough to do it.. he’s a top bloke though.

  4. wow ” He goes nots with out a fag” Wow i guess fag must have a different meaning there then here in the states.

    Dan

  5. I know a guy called dan….hes a top wanker…but he has never smoked a ciggie in his life…that could be the reason!

  6. I really take offence to the misuse of the term Top Bloke. You can be sure that if you use the words “but” or “though in conjunction with “top bloke” that the person you’re referring to as a top bloke, isn’t really a top bloke eg. “he likes to beat up old ladies but he’s a top bloke”.

    I suppose there is no strict definition of a top bloke but you can include someone who always buys you a beer without you asking, a mate who helps you fix your car without asking for anything in return etc… not really someone who smashes car windows cos he needs a ciggie.

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