It has been over a week and I still can’t talk, I think it’s safe to say I am with virus. My once dormant asthma is now chucking a party in my lungs where breathing is not invited, meanwhile my throat is busy being sore, and I’m having to spend large amounts of the day and night trying to cough up my lungs instead of sleeping. My plan is to cough them up and upgrade to v2.0 lungs.
So-called friends and loved ones are enjoying my inability to talk, they keep informing me “it’s so nice and quiet when you can’t talk” with a smile, I retort with a ‘don’t make me decapitate you with a bendy straw’ look and cough over them in hopes they too will know what it feels like.
The worst thing about all of this is I can not rant at people, they could do some of the stupidest most immature things ever – like strapping some roasted lamb to their leg and swimming with crocodiles – and all I can do is sit back, glare, and wish I had laser eyes of doom like Keg. Oh if only I could rant!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s about that time of day when I have to hack up a lung.