Dr Clown

Dr Clown

I sat down in the waiting room at the hospital and scrolled through my iPod looking for a podcast to listen to, I settled upon Dunstan’s recent adventures in small gasless and mapless towns. As I sat there listening to the podcast I noticed two clown doctors walk up to the reception. The nurse giggled as one made a balloon animal for her while the other clown doctor walked over to waiting area and picked up a magazine, he announced loudly “lets see who’s next on the list, Tom Cruise, is there a Mr Cruise here?” an old man in front of me put up his hand and said “I’m Tom”, the clown doctor gave a relived sigh and walked over the old man to start a conversation. “Hello Mr Cruise” he said, then he looked over at the old mans wife and exclaimed “and this must be Katie Holmes, you lucky man you” with a wink. Katie Holmes giggled like a school girl as Dr Clown asked her husband “what can we do for you today Mr Cruise? We have a special today on operations, buy one get one free!”, the old man laughed and replied “that sounds like a good deal”, Dr Clown retorted “oh yes, but I must warn you, I’ll be performing the free one” with a menacing look one his face. Dr Clown suddenly reached into his pocket, as if he had forgotten something, and brought out an array of red noses, presenting each one with glee. He offered one of the noses to Tom, who accepted it, Dr Clown then held a rubber chicken to his side and said “Let me just make sure the body hasn’t rejected the nose”, he grabbing the nose and made a squeaking sound with the rubber chicken. Katie asked if Dr Clown wanted any money for it, he replied “oh not it’s free, but I do take tips” with a smile.

He left Tom and Katie be and moved on to serenade a few ladies behind me – he played Frank Sinatra songs on his tiny guitar – mid serenade he suddenly stopped to ask “how does a guy drown in his cereal?” the whole waiting room looked around shrugging, then the good Dr finally said proudly “he got caught in a strong current”. Just as I cringed at the joke my name was called.

The appointment wasn’t long; all I was there for was to get a simple number. You see, I have been waiting since June for a MRI scan that would hopefully diagnose what is wrong with me, but paper work got lost, and I was never booked in for the MRI. So I had to attend another appointment to get a number and book another MRI appointment for early October.

I was quite excited about the MRI, I know that is not a normal response, but I hope that it will shed some light on what has been troubling me for the last six months. And then I told Candy about it…

Candy: Are you going to be conscious?
Nikita: Yes.
Candy: Wow, I couldn’t do that.
Nikita: Why?
Candy: They would have to sedate me; it’s like going into one of those things where they store dead bodies at a morgue.
Nikita: I think I’ll be ok.
Candy: But it’s like a tunnel.
Nikita: You know, I was totally fine about this until you mentioned the morgue part.

Trust Candy to turn ‘excitement’ into ‘totally-mother-fucking-freaked-out’.

18 Comments on “Dr Clown

  1. Wishing you the best of luck. Hope they find out what is wrong, so at least you can learn to live with it better. I think i would be scared about going into one of those machines awake. I’ve had one, but i wasn’t concious. Those clowns though….freaky.

  2. I think I could handle going into a MRI.. being in confined spaces doesnt really bother me. Though the having to keep still could be a problem.

  3. I always thought of the mri as being stuffed in a tube with lights and a nice little mirror so you could see that you were stuck in a tube with lights. But, If I were you, I would also want to know what was going on and this is just a little inconveniance that may shed some light on the problem. Hope you don’t have a fear of small spaces. Take care of yourself and best of luck to you.

  4. MRI’s are kinda fun lol, well the whole injecting dye into u isn’t that crash hot. But once your in there they have the radio playing and they talk to you.

    The only annoying thing is you hear banging a lot which is the machine doings its bizzo.

    I had my MRI on my shoulder and it cost me $900 bucks, hope thier cheaper these days.

    & they would only do it at this place in Subiaco for some reason. Although now i am sure there is more variety on places.

    Good luck with it all, i hope it can give you a clear diganosis on everything.

  5. Don’t worry about it. I’ve had three MRI’s myself, and they’re not too bad. One BIG thing though, is to be sure to ask the attendant for earplugs before you get into the machine. They make some seriously loud noises and your ears will be ringing if you don’t protect them.

  6. What’s there to worry about? They’re only going to insert you into a giant metal tube, inject chromatic dye into your bloodstream and then ravage your brain with ethereal sonar waves.

    It’ll be just like listening to rap music, only less painful.

  7. It’ll be fine, I reckon. You lie down, they back you in, you keep still for a while, they slide you out again, end of show. Rockin’

  8. Oh come on. lol. I’ve had one of those. No biggie:)
    But the clowns…that would thoroughly “mother-fucking-freak-me-out.” Good luck!
    Beautiful writing, by the way:)

  9. Hi Kitta!

    I had MRI too, and it was absolutely painless. I got the earplugs, and had to keep still for 15 minutes (ok, that was a little difficult). I found it really funny for some reason. At a point I swear I had to hold myself back ’cause I had this urge to burst out laughing hysterically. I don’t really know why you have to go ( I missed tat entry probably ), but i hope it’s nothing serious. I read about Candy’s problem. Tough. I hope you’ll both be fine!

  10. There was a news story here in the states not too long ago about a little boy being crushed to death because an oxygen tank had been left in the room and the magnet pulled it into the tube at a blazing speed…so.. please…please..look for metal objects..or at least remind the staff to look for them.

  11. Don’t worry about the MRI: they’re not bad at all. I actually thought it was a little entertaining. The earplugs are a necessity, but I didn’t get any headphones for music (probably would have interfered with the MRI of my brain). By the end of my MRI (one hour), the machine sounded like an old school Nintendo game: all beeps and clicks and whirs. Good luck!

  12. I hope you feel better soon. I had a MRI , some years ago, it’s nothing.
    Good luck ! ( Merde as we say in French)

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