I sat down in the waiting room at the hospital and scrolled through my iPod looking for a podcast to listen to, I settled upon Dunstan’s recent adventures in small gasless and mapless towns. As I sat there listening to the podcast I noticed two clown doctors walk up to the reception. The nurse giggled as one made a balloon animal for her while the other clown doctor walked over to waiting area and picked up a magazine, he announced loudly “lets see who’s next on the list, Tom Cruise, is there a Mr Cruise here?” an old man in front of me put up his hand and said “I’m Tom”, the clown doctor gave a relived sigh and walked over the old man to start a conversation. “Hello Mr Cruise” he said, then he looked over at the old mans wife and exclaimed “and this must be Katie Holmes, you lucky man you” with a wink. Katie Holmes giggled like a school girl as Dr Clown asked her husband “what can we do for you today Mr Cruise? We have a special today on operations, buy one get one free!”, the old man laughed and replied “that sounds like a good deal”, Dr Clown retorted “oh yes, but I must warn you, I’ll be performing the free one” with a menacing look one his face. Dr Clown suddenly reached into his pocket, as if he had forgotten something, and brought out an array of red noses, presenting each one with glee. He offered one of the noses to Tom, who accepted it, Dr Clown then held a rubber chicken to his side and said “Let me just make sure the body hasn’t rejected the nose”, he grabbing the nose and made a squeaking sound with the rubber chicken. Katie asked if Dr Clown wanted any money for it, he replied “oh not it’s free, but I do take tips” with a smile.
He left Tom and Katie be and moved on to serenade a few ladies behind me – he played Frank Sinatra songs on his tiny guitar – mid serenade he suddenly stopped to ask “how does a guy drown in his cereal?” the whole waiting room looked around shrugging, then the good Dr finally said proudly “he got caught in a strong current”. Just as I cringed at the joke my name was called.
The appointment wasn’t long; all I was there for was to get a simple number. You see, I have been waiting since June for a MRI scan that would hopefully diagnose what is wrong with me, but paper work got lost, and I was never booked in for the MRI. So I had to attend another appointment to get a number and book another MRI appointment for early October.
I was quite excited about the MRI, I know that is not a normal response, but I hope that it will shed some light on what has been troubling me for the last six months. And then I told Candy about it…
Candy: Are you going to be conscious?
Candy: Wow, I couldn’t do that.
Candy: They would have to sedate me; it’s like going into one of those things where they store dead bodies at a morgue.
Nikita: I think I’ll be ok.
Candy: But it’s like a tunnel.
Nikita: You know, I was totally fine about this until you mentioned the morgue part.
Trust Candy to turn ‘excitement’ into ‘totally-mother-fucking-freaked-out’.