It's not you, it's me

I was thinking about some good excuses that people use when breaking up. I don’t mean “It’s not you, it’s me”, which is universal for “It’s so fucking you”, I mean really good, clever, funny ones. I asked the LRM forum member’s and here are a few we may have used in the past or wish we had the guts to use…

Dogmatix: “I don’t see how I could ever love someone who cheated on me with Everquest II. Did our questing in Azeroth mean nothing to you?”

Dexter: “My mothership has returned to get me and I must leave. Pay no attention to my android double when you see it.”

Candy: “I’m sorry, but I like girls, I just wanted to see if I liked boys or not and I don’t.”

Lore: “What, you thought this was a relationship, oh shit sorry, I just wanted sex.”

Metao: “I love you more than anything, but you’re more like a sister than a girlfriend.”

Metao: “This is a pre-emptive break-up.”

Finally Metao shared with us the shortest and possibly most effective of all break up lines…

Metao: “I fucked your Mum.”

And here are a few of my own…

Nikita: “I have a confession to make, I’m really only 14, well more like 13 and a half, but I’m sooooo mature for, like, my age.”

Niktia: “I cant see you anymore, you’re code isn’t valid.”

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

36 Comments on “It's not you, it's me”

  1. The one from metao is great but I guess you could always use: “Yeah…. I got this rash and im sure its your fault” I am pretty sure that an accusation like that would get you on your way.


  2. I like “This has been great, but my wifes beginning to suspect something.” This one works unless you life in a small town, because everyone know everything about everyone else.


  3. I am breaking up with you now before you get too attached to me….so I am doing you a sort of favour, aren’t I?


  4. “Given current market conditions, it’s very difficult to remain competive. I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.”


  5. I had a dream you turned into a frog, and being astrologically fire, I feel I am incompatible with amphibians. Plus I fear you’ll someday carry eggs on your back.


  6. This one is sure to get an eyebrow from the ladies:

    “I work for the government. I’m a spy and I have to go on a mission. It’s dangerous work and you’re likely never to hear from me again. It would be in your best interest to never speak of me or the time we shared again.”


  7. Hahaha! These r all great, especialy Metaos.]

    I got one:
    ‘The voices in my head just don’t like you, so sorry…’

    Simple, no questions asked. She’ll probably want to be the one braking up…..unless she has voices of her own, then your screwed…


  8. Don’t dump them.
    Make them dump you!
    You don’t need to come up with an excuse, and you get to have a little fun for a couple of days.

    Heck! If it’s an emergency(or you’re specially gifted at being a jerk) you can get them to dump you in 5 minutes. AH! Now there’s a bestseller waiting to happen!


  9. “we should have a temporary break… i’ll always be here for you…”

    and then the next time you hear of him, is when he is ‘about to’ break up with his ‘latest’ girlfriend whilst already going after another girl a week before

    “it’s a battle i will refuse to fight, even if i can win”

    same person, same e-mail, talking about the girl’s parent’s reluctance for her to be with him.

    utterly charming.


  10. I’ve got you beat Chris I actually said nothing once and when the girl I was dating came to see me she sat with me for about 5 minutes and then left afer I refused to talk never saw her again.


  11. Your kisses are so sweet..but sweets are bad for my diet.. so for the sake of my health I’m going to have to leave you.


  12. “the herpes we share is forever, but my love of you isn’t.”

    “thanks for the great ride. game over!”


  13. This isn’t so much a break up line but a why we aren’t together line, i find it a classic.

    “your too good for me”

    This was followed by me having lock jaw from the amount fo time it was open. IN SHOCK.



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