On behalf of Firefox

The phone rings and I pick it up, because that is what one does with a phone…

Telemarketer: Hi I’m calling on behalf of [Insert phone company which calls so much it could be classified as stalking], would you be interested in changing over to [Insert stalkers name again]? If you change over now we’ll pay half of your existing bill.

Bugger.

Nikita: Half you say?
Telemarketer: Yes, half.

I was reeling her in, giving her a taste of a sale and then…

Nikita: No, I wouldn’t, but let me ask you a question. What is your current web browser?
Telemarketer: Excuse me?
Nikita: Web browser, the software you use to view websites, most people use Internet Explorer.
Telemarketer: Ahh yeah, I umm, think I use that one.
Nikita: Ok, well did you know that there is an alternative?
Telemarketer: No.

That no had a strong ‘you have got to be fucking kidding me’ tone attached to it.

Nikita: Firefox is one of the alternatives. It’s safer, faster and a hell of a lot cooler.
Telemarketer: Ooookkk.

Tone now more of a sarcastic ‘you’re insane and I’m so about to hang up’.

Nikita: If you’d like more information go to Getfirefox.com.

Silence hung in the air for a few seconds, and then I could hear her rustling around, possibly looking through the manual on what to do if the person you’re calling tries to talk you into something.

Telemarketer: Um, sur-k…

I beleive that is a new word, a mixture of sure and ok, that oddly enough sounds like a great name for a breakfast cereal. “Sur-K, it’ll put the Sure in your K.” Possible explanation for the new word: She was contemplating why she was a telemarketer when a tiny section of her brain that knew it was wrong exploded and the ‘e’ never made it from her brain to her vocal cords and out of her mouth. It was then that I decided it was time for me to go.

Nikita: Thanks for your time and remember, use the fox.

I had to go, I had other telemarketers to try and covert, such as the insulation dude who was due to ring any minute to enquire if I’m hot in summer and cool in winter and offer to reverse it for me. I also had to make cookies in the shape of the Firefox logo to hand out to the Mormons when they stop by way too early next Sunday morning.

“No I don’t believe in god, but tell me this, do you believe in the great almighty Firefox?”

55 Comments on “On behalf of Firefox

  1. Kitta, you are my new hero! I worked as a telemarketer for one summer (because the job application said “Reservation Agent” and the pay was decent) and hated when people would get angry on the phone (just say no and hang up). But this… reversal would have made my day! It’s low on hostility and high on the “wtf factor.” This is (by far) the best thing I’ve heard for dealing with telemarketers.

    PS: Long time reader, first time caller

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  2. hehe this is actually a brilliant idea. Now, I know what’s a good way to counter annoy those telemarketers that I can’t stand wasting time with on the pphone. Good job and funny

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  3. …The phone rings, I answer…”Hello”…

    Telemarketer: Hello Mr. Ed I’m calling on behalf of the Brand X credit card company and we’d like to offer you a chance to sign up for our new Titanium card…
    Me: *silence*
    Telemarketer: Hello, Mr. Ed are you there?
    Me: No, Mr. Ed isn’t here. I’m Mr. Smith, Mr. Ed’s landlord, and that no good bum owes me 6 months back rent! If you hear from him will you let me know?
    Telemarketer: Uuuuummm, OK Mr. Smith, sorry to bother you…CLICK.

    They don’t call me anymore.

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  4. lol last time i was in a telemarketing place there was actually a card on the wall telling them what to do in certain kinds of situations such as that, one of them actually suggested that they cry like a baby. Go firefox!

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  5. LOL, that was good. I get so sick of those darn telemarketers. That one got a taste of their own medicine. LOL… and I bet they won’t call again either.

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  6. That’s awesome. I hate getting calls from Telemarketers and I will generally just hang up. I think I’m going to try what you just did to have some fun.

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  8. Oh my, I don’t know whether to bow down, throw petals at your feet or sing hali-kitta-ulah!! 😛

    That is the coolest thing I’ve heard all year.

    ROFLMFAO <— see? I never type that, ever…

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  9. I like your method…. I might use it someday, although I think I might try to sell them on Opera. I use Firefox for gmail, but find Opera wayyyyy more cooler. Especially with the new version that uses voice commands!!! How cool is that???

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  10. I like your method…. I might use it someday, although I think I might try to sell them on Opera. I use Firefox for gmail, but find Opera wayyyyy more cooler. Especially with the new version that uses voice commands!!! How cool is that???

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  11. I love it! One telemarketer phoned and asked if she could ask me one question, I said sure, she asks if I have double glazing, I say no, she then preceeds to ask if I’d ever consider it, at which point I inform her I’ve answered her one question and that in reflection, it probably wasn’t the best…

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  12. i LOVE to mess with the telemarketers! there is no greater joy than seeing the ‘unknown’ pop up on my caller id durring dinner… as any sympathy for the telemarketer i may have had is instantly dissipated by their interuption of my dining! i don’t get many calls these days.. maybe i’m on a list.

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  13. Nice one. I would do that here but there’s two problems.
    One: telemarketers are, for the most part, recordings. Yes, people are that lazy here.
    Second: I’m one of the 20 people that knows how to use the internet, let alone a computer.

    Of the other 19, most use Firefox.

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  15. That’s awsome. My technique was yell at them and tell them to leave me alone. But trying to convert them to something is a better idea. Messing with peoples minds is wickked fun.

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  16. LMAO! I have been thinking of new ways to amuse myself when those god awful telemarketers call! You have given me inspiration! I think I might just convert them into Mac users….. 🙂

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  17. That was great. I never tried to convert them but I have used the tactic of acting insane, generally telling them about my pet dog and his habits ( I don’t have a dog , but I am a bit crazy) They eventually get tired of listening to me and hang up. I think I may try this on the next Mormans that visit. Thanks Kitta for the insight.

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  19. ROFL, this is a great idea, I once saw a sheet on the net of research someone was doing for a thesis, on how to question and extract info from telemarkerters, had fun with that. Will have to try the idea of selling stuff back to them 🙂

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  20. just reading back through entries…

    all i can say is that i love you beyond all human measure for comfusing telemarketers in such an amusing and worthwhile way 😀

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  21. I thought I was the only person who did that that kind of thing to telesales people.

    I once tried to sell someone our old falling apart metal shed, they were very confused and hung up on me.

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