Batteries Not Included

I was standing in Dicky Smiths today, contemplating what cables to purchase to increase productivity and decrease the amount of times that I knock my head on the desk above me and swear like a banshee whilst plugging in USB or headphone cables, when I overheard an elderly lady talking to a salesman about a USB thumb drive…

Old lady: Where do you put the batteries in?
Salesman: Nowhere, it doesn’t need batteries, you just plug it in.
Old lady: Ohhh.
The salesman nods and smiles.
Old lady: But what powers it, it must take batteries, really small ones it looks like.
Salesman: Nope.
Old lady: Are you sure?
Salesman: Yes.
Old lady: Hmm. I don’t know about this, it must take batteries; I’ll have to ask my husband.
Salesman: Ok, come back when you find out if a thumb drive takes batteries.
Old lady: Oh, I will.

I love old people. 🙂

24 Comments on “Batteries Not Included”

  1. Old people are wonderful, she seemed very sweet. 🙂

    (Found this through the Bloggies page, in case you were wondering. Very nice site! The little monkey is great.)


  2. Funny stuff. I wonder how the converation between her and her husband went:

    Old Lady: Pawpaw, you know that Thumb Drive thingy little Jacob wants? Well, the salesman says it doesn’t need batteries!
    Old Man: Mother, you know them salesmen will do anything for a sale. It doesn’t need batteries? How’s it work then?
    Old Lady: Mmmm, hmmm. That’s what I told him. N00b.


  3. Keith, what about the conversation between them and Jacob:

    Old lady: Jacob, I know you wanted a thumb drive, but we had some trouble finding the right batteries, so we got you something much better…
    Jacob opens his present.
    Old man: It’s a floppy drive!
    Jacob: Oh… Yay.
    Old lady: Look, it’s internal and has a green LED, which I hear is funky these days.
    Jacob: The excitement… it’s just… too much.
    Jacob mutters “0|d13z” under his breath.


  4. It’s a well documented, but little-publicised fact that old people actually DO know everything. They are also highly skilled drivers and have an extremely well-developed sense of mischief. However, they are extremely good at hiding these traits from the layman, which bestows on them greatly enhanced powers of irritation.

    I have it on very good authority that the following exchange was heard in the old lady’s house when she arrived home:

    Ethel: I went down to Dick Smith’s today to give that n00b salesman the shits.
    George: Really? Good on ya, Ethel! How did it go?
    Ethel: Well, I had him going for a little while, but he didn’t really bite in the end.
    George: Shame…
    Ethel: Yeah, shame.
    George: He’s not cut out for customer service then?
    Ethel: Nah.
    Ethel: OK, I’m off to pull out of parking spaces at high speed without looking, then trundle off in the middle lane at exactly 12 km/h below the speed limit.
    George: That’ll f**k ‘em.
    Ethel: Yeah. Damn straight.

    I am in awe of old people, and hope to become one as soon as possible so that I too can bug the crap out of know-it-all teenagers and young adults.


  5. lol, if it’s Dick Smith Rockingham you’re talking about I’m not surprised. Those dudes are total n00bs doing a n00b trade in n00balicious products. Dick Smith must be rolling in his grave.


  6. Hah! Like the husband is going to know anymore about a thumb drive.
    If he was a “true” salesmen and not the altruistic fellow that he is the batteries would have come in the form of an iPod battery extender.


  7. I would have told her that the “computer” powers the thumb drive and then convinced her that she needed a new computer, if I were the salesman.

    (I’m new here, BTW — you have a very nice site. =))


  8. Whenever I see an older person (mid-60s to 70s), I always want to drop everything and just hug them. If they seem grumpy then I have to convince myself it wouldn’t be advisable. 😉

    Have you ever looked at an old man or woman and focus on their features – smooth out their wrinkles in your mind – wondering what they looked like when they were younger? I tend to do that as well.


  9. I love old people. My grandad has had a computer for years now… stil doesn’t understand ‘minimize’ just closes one window before opening another.. and then wonders where it’s gone


  10. lol. Spyder – Dick Smith isn’t dead, but we can totally dig a hole for him and get him to roll around in it some if that makes things easier on your mind. I’ll tee it up for Thursday.


  11. They were both right and both wrong equally actually. USB thumb drives do have batteries. You just can’t change them, when you plug them in they “recharge”.


  12. That is so funny!!

    Reminds me of the time a nanna on the bus had just got a mobile, it started to ring and she tapped me on the shoulder asking “which button do i press? the green or the red?”.


  13. LOL I think Tandy went out of business, which is a shame, because it made staff at Dick Smith look good! Actually, Dick Smith in Adelaide used to have some damn foxy (and knowledgeable) staff. Don’t know whats happened!


  14. Err… ‘thumb drive’?
    Is that what we call a ‘memory stick’ or do I finally have to face the fact that I’m not as young as I feel?


  15. Ramses, you’d make a great old person.

    Nina, I got the feeling he really couldn’t be bothered.

    Kartooner, I do that more than I’d like to admit.

    Dante, you can change iPod batteries if you have a few hours to spare and a replacement battery.

    Ella, Tandy is still alive and kicking in W.A., Dick Smith and Tandy are under Woolworths Limited, so it’s pretty much the same stock (even the item numbers are the same) under a different name.

    Richard, ‘memory stick’ is the name of sony’s memory cards. Thumb drives are the name given to small memory drives that are about the size of a thumb, but people call them a variety of names.


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