An open letter to my back

Dear lower back,

Hello, how are you today? We’re having some really cold weather lately, aren’t we…?

Ok, let me get straight to the point. I know that I’ve royally fucked you up in the past by falling on you and such, and that it’s taken me a while to sort out what was wrong with you, but do you have to keep telling me about it? The chest pains a few months ago, middle back pains for the past few weeks and the headaches this week are truthful not needed. I get it.

I’ve been trying to get you fixed too, attending physiotherapy sessions and even letting friends do strange healing on you, but all you can do is complain. There’s no “thanks mate”, no sign at all that you notice, just sharp stabbing pains. All I ask for is a nice warm feeling, just to show that you care.

Anyway, I don’t understand why you’re being like this, we’ve been together for nearly 20 years this August, I’ve always treated you well by bending at the knee’s when lifting and putting heat packs on you during cold nights. Maybe you’ve forgotten about all that. It seems to me that you’re being very selfish, all the other parts of my body totally agree, even the feet. You might have noticed that the hands have completely ignored you over the past few months, they’ve had it with you, and some of the major organs are pretty close to doing the same thing.

You, my dear back, can be a total wanker some days. If you want to be like this, fine, but remember I can always take some pain killers to shut you up, even if they do make me forget my shoes and see creatures that look like water bottles during the night. I’ll so do it!

Listen, cut the crap or I’ll get a new back on eBay!

Love always,
Nikita

20 Comments on “An open letter to my back

  1. I so empathise with you kitta… I had a skateboarding accident years ago, and fell half on, and yet half off a street curb… Right on my coxicks (or whatever) lol… So my back pretty much groans at me all day, even now… I just ignore the bitch and get on with it mostly but some days, you just wanna rip out your spine a put in a new one!!

    Back Pain… worthy of a GRRR!!!

  2. My sister recently had an 8 foot tall bookcase fall on her. Her back didn’t appreciate it and has been letting her know about it for some time now. Damn backs…….

  3. HANG IN THERE KITTA!! i KNOW i HAD PAIN WHEN I TRY TO EN-BOMB MYSELF. I was working in a chemical company and was drawing some chemicals they use for em-bombing and the spike came out and dump it all over my close and front. I had first degree burns and was out of works for a long time. SO hang in there.

    P/s maybe you can tall us what you friends do? what type of healing thing?

    Dan M.
    Salem,MA USA

  4. I pop a disk in my back once, I had nothing but trouble with back pain until I found these:

    Reiki (Japanese Energy Therapy)

    Chakra Clearing & Energy Balancing

    Sounds “new age” but it realy works !
    There must be some place around you that has this type of approch. Some times drugs provide a temporary solution, but require that you keep taking them and often don’t address the root of the problem.

    Reiki Precepts for daily living:
    • Just for today, do not worry
    • Just for today, do not anger
    • Honor your parents, teachers and elders
    • Earn your living honestly
    • Show gratitude to every living thing

  5. Maybe your back has signed a pact with the little red monkey ^^;
    like : “You make her suffer real pain so I am free to dominate the world.”

  6. You tell that son of a bitch Kitta! Not that I’m calling you a bitch. Or it a male. Ohhhhh dammit, I’m so confused!

  7. Question for Bruce regarding this quote: “I pop a disk in my back once”… Was it it a floppy disk, or a CD? Cause my computer is having trouble reading floppy disks, so if you can get your back to read one, you should be able to help me with my computer problem.

  8. I think there is a spinal conspiracy. I get back pain whenever I run more than a mile, (which has been pretty frequent lately) If they have spines on ebay I want one like Dr. octupus. then I could massage myself and someone else at the same time.

  9. Bad spelling = funny visualizations

    Let me rephrase that: I “popped” a “spinal disk” once.
    There, that’s it.

    I respect my teacher!
    Bye

    P.S. I can try to help you with your computer if you want, Just don’t count on my spelling!

  10. Well, i for one would not be upset at your lower back, why? well, sure it would get annoying and a pain in the ass(back) sometimes(maybe all the time) when it keeps ‘telling’ you that its ‘hurt’. However, if the lower back would stop telling you that its in pain, then how would you know if its healed or not? You said you go to physiotherapy. But how would you know when to stop going if the lower back were to stop ‘telling’ you it was in pain? That is, if the lower back were to somehow stop ‘telling’ you its in pain then you would asume its healed and thus not get any treatment because you think its all better – when its not.
    Final words, pain lets you know your alive πŸ˜‰

  11. Nail ’em kitta nail ’em! I refer of course to that DISGRACEFUL usage of your picture…

    It almost makes me want to take the mouse pad off my store too, in case people think I’m guilty of the same crime… Yes, I think I’ll do that… I haven’t up til now cos it was on your linkies but…

    Oh nail ’em up I say!

    It’s just wrong… WRONG!! And what a horrible website…
    *gasp* who do you REALLY meet if not you?!?
    Just plain bizarre AND wrong… *shakes head* The world’s gone mad… That whole website should be destroyed… lol…

  12. OMG this is brilliant!!!!! it had me larfing so loud at work, when i read it this morning. Classic!! this is award winning stuff, thanks for your humor bebe <3 Aimz

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