An open letter to my back
Dear lower back,
Hello, how are you today? We’re having some really cold weather lately, aren’t we…?
Ok, let me get straight to the point. I know that I’ve royally fucked you up in the past by falling on you and such, and that it’s taken me a while to sort out what was wrong with you, but do you have to keep telling me about it? The chest pains a few months ago, middle back pains for the past few weeks and the headaches this week are truthful not needed. I get it.
I’ve been trying to get you fixed too, attending physiotherapy sessions and even letting friends do strange healing on you, but all you can do is complain. There’s no “thanks mate”, no sign at all that you notice, just sharp stabbing pains. All I ask for is a nice warm feeling, just to show that you care.
Anyway, I don’t understand why you’re being like this, we’ve been together for nearly 20 years this August, I’ve always treated you well by bending at the knee’s when lifting and putting heat packs on you during cold nights. Maybe you’ve forgotten about all that. It seems to me that you’re being very selfish, all the other parts of my body totally agree, even the feet. You might have noticed that the hands have completely ignored you over the past few months, they’ve had it with you, and some of the major organs are pretty close to doing the same thing.
You, my dear back, can be a total wanker some days. If you want to be like this, fine, but remember I can always take some pain killers to shut you up, even if they do make me forget my shoes and see creatures that look like water bottles during the night. I’ll so do it!
Listen, cut the crap or I’ll get a new back on eBay!