The Adventures Of Bruce
Yesterday I was cleaning Bruce’s tank. I have a procedure for changing the water that involves two containers and a net to catch him. I fill one up with new water, then use the other to put the old water in and scoop him out into the new one. It’s a process that worked well.
Until he decided to go on an adventure.
As I was pouring his old poop filled water into the container, he suddenly jumped out and into the sink beside me, I yelled “dude!” at him in surprise, and before I could grab him he wriggled his fishy ass down the sink. I stood there for a moment not sure what to do. I have a head cold, so my reaction time and intelligence is clouded by the lust for Lemsip and a warm bed. I had three options…
- Twitter it – Which, although funny, wasn’t the most helpful option.
- Ask my brother to help – Which would probably result in Bruce being flushed down the pipes when my brother accidentally turned on the tap to wash his hands before helping.
- Call Candy – The person who gave me the fish, who is also a fellow owner of a Siamese Fighting fish.
I called Candy.
As the phone rang, I pondered what to say, “Hey Candy, Bruce has decided to leave me via the sink” or “Hey Candy, I can haz new fish?” She finally answered and the conversation went a little bit like this…
She answers her phone like a cat. She also leaves messages on my answering machine like a cat.
“Hey Candy… Umm… Bruce has gone on and adventure down the sink.”
“I can see him, he’s swimming around in there, what do I do?”
“Ok, you need towels…
I ran to get towels as instructed, feeling a bit like an expectant father that is not sure what the towels are for, but is fetching them anyway.
“We have towels!”
“Put them on the floor because there may be water.”
“Is it an S-bend?”
“Yes, it is. Bruce is in the S-bend.”
“That’s good. You can save him. You need to take off the S-bend. Make sure to unscrew the middle one first and tilt it towards you as you unscrew the top one.”
As you can see, Candy has had bountiful experience with losing things down the sink. I followed the procedures, found Bruce swimming happily in the S-bend, poured him back into his home (with some fresh water) and told him that next time he was to ask before diving head first into an adventure.
I swear when he jumped I could hear him says, “Yippy-Kay-Yay-Motherfucker!”