It's a Boy!

I receive some strange emails from time to time, ones that contain incoherent grammar and life stories about a dog named Jed who likes ice cream and I should totally meet one day, others contain nothing but questions that are so confusing it would take a crack team of code breakers to interpret. And from time to time I receive emails that clearly aren’t meant for my consumption…

From: Tammy
To: Nikita
Date: Jan 27, 2007 4:02 PM
Subject: Crossing Guards needed for January 29 – February 2

Please let me know if you can help out with this.

Tammy

I thought that informing the sender that they had the wrong email would be the swiftest way to stop future crossing guard spam. So I replied.

From: Nikita
To: Tammy
Date: Jan 27, 2007 5:46 PM
Subject: Re: Crossing Guards needed for January 29 – February 2

Tammy,

Sorry no can do, given that I am not a crossing guard and I have no idea who you are or why you are emailing me.

Kitta

One would think that would be equivalent to a “sorry wrong number” and the sender would get the idea. But not our Tammy.

From: Tammy
To: Nikita
Date: Jan 27, 2007 7:00 PM
Subject: Re: Crossing Guards needed for January 29 – February 2

I’m with the Kodiak Football League and once a month we do crossing guard duty to make money for the league. I received your name due to you having a boy in football.

Tammy

This Tammy, she is one smart cookie, she saw right through my reply. She knows that I am trying to get out of being a crossing guard at my imaginary boys football game. I thought it was about time to show Tammy who’s boss.

From: Nikita
To: Tammy
Date: Jan 28, 2007 1:00 AM
Subject: Re: Crossing Guards needed for January 29 – February 2

I have a boy? Last time I checked, I was sure that I have never given birth, and even if I did, I’m sure he would be more into CSS and surfing than football. That is how I imagine my imaginary child to be, a CSS ninja that surfs by day and codes by night. What is my imaginary child’s name?

And who is this person who gave you my name and said I am with child? I would like to talk to them about defaming my childless character and clear my child free name.

Kitta

Tammy has yet to reply.

Come on Tammy, be a good sport like your child and play along, don’t leave me wondering what my imaginary child is like. I just want to know his name! Just a name!