My predictions for 2007…
- Lindsay Lohan fancies herself as a politician, moments later she finds a stray dog to play with and then contemplates being a dog washer.
- Water flavoured Coca Cola; no calories, no sugar, no fat.
- Michael Jackson and Paris Hilton hook up. He impregnates her and the whole world hopes there will never be a sex tape and that the baby isn’t male.
- Miss USA contest now scours MySpace for suitable skanky contenders. Entrants told to reveals as much as possible and cry like a baby when asked about revealing photos from their past, they will also be required to pose for playboy after having a press conference saying they regretted said revealing photos.
- McParis meal; stick of celery, 1/2 a cup of water, small peeled baby carrot and an annoying yappy little dog toy.
- A TV network funds a new reality TV show called ‘Nigerian Prince’ in which ladies must compete to win the heart and millions belonging to the prince, millions that he claims are hidden from secret agents and family members, only one lucky lady will be given the honour of handing over her bank account.
- Britney Spears starts an underwear line called ‘Upskirt’ so she will never be without a pair again.
- Oprah starts Vodcasting.
- People finally know what the word Vodcast means because Oprah is doing it.
- Rosie and Donald resolve their issues in a Wii boxing match. Rosie kicks some ass and Donald says that it just proves she is a man. Entertainment Tonight broadcasts the event and the IQ of everyone watching drops dangerously low.
- Apple releases the iTooth, their smallest version of the iPod that fits into a cavity in your tooth. Users can jam anywhere without the need of headphones. It also releases iMint mouthwash every hour to keep your mouth iMinty fresh.
- Two guys make millions from some .com they cooked up in their basement filled with rats, hundreds of completely frivolous beta’s pop up, their owners hoping that they too will be bought out by Google.
- Some guy knocks himself unconscious with his Wii remote and lies dead for days in his apartment. Wii now know as an extreme gaming console and only available to purchase with proof of identification. Wii’s now overtake sales of kidneys and baby on the black-market.
- Playstation developers contemplate making their controllers deadly to improve sales, spikes and replacement of rumble packs with electrocution packs considered.
- Rabbits now cooler than Ninjas and Pirates combined.