Charlie and the Cold Medicine

Here’s a tip…

Never ever – even if it sounds like a good fucking idea at the time – go to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory while doped up on cold medicine. I sat there tonight thinking “why are they called Oompa Loompa’s, they are not terribly Oompaish”, the Oompa Loompa’s dance sequences really made me wonder if I had accidentally overdosed on said cold medicine and I am concerned that my dreams will be full of evil dancing Oompa Loompa’s tonight.


Candy joined me (with her own cold in tow) and wore her beloved fluffy boots. As we were waiting to buy highly priced stale popcorn a middle aged man leant in and said to her “I like your boots, I thought they were going to bite me for a minute”, she replied “they will in a minute” and shot him her Evil Candy Stare™.

We are the kind of people annoying fuckwits that make sarcastic comments throughout the movie to amuse ourselves. As the credits rolled at the start and Helena Bonham Carter’s name flashed across the screen I informed Candy “whenever I see Helena Bonham Carter all I can think of is Fight Club, and how she was meant to say “I want to have your abortion”. While the Oompa’s were shaking their Loompa asses we could be overheard whispering “how is this trippy shit PG?” and “I so want some chocolate right now” to one another. Half way through the chocolaty fun Candy leaned over and said “you would not believe how much popcorn I have down the front of my top right now” to which I replied “Candy, you’re meant to eat the popcorn, not put it down you’re top”.

My thoughts on the movie: It is dark, way too dark for PG. Johnny Depp plays a fantastic Wonka, I liked that the character had more depth and history. The whole ‘happy family’ ending was nice, a bit too Disney for my liking though.

The true highlights of the night were after the movie when I convinced Phobia that Candy and I were at a strip club watching lesbian mud wrestling instead of at the movies (truth be told, Wednesday night is really mud wrestling night at Connections, not Friday) and finding out Candy used her school captain powers to rig an Easter raffle that I thought I had won fair and square in primary school. My one claim to winning something is a forgery.

19 Comments on “Charlie and the Cold Medicine”

  1. Ok, Ok. I’l admit it. I did believe until Kitta sent me the sms saying they were watching lesbian mud wrestling. I could believe Candy and Kitta going to a strip club but not watching lesbian mud wrestling.. Now if Candy had said she was watching lesbian mud wrestling I would have believed that.


  2. Having seen this movie, I must agree that this is a dark version of the story, maybe even too dark for younger folks. I wasn’t on cold medicine when I saw it, but that was one strange looking oompa. The movie didn’t make me want any chocolate, but I suddenly have a strange craving for candy popcorn….


  3. Phobia: Why just Candy? Am I not the LMW type? We will watch lesbian mud wrestling one day just to prove you wrong! (And also because we think it would be funny.)


  4. While it may suck watching it while on cold medicine, I will tell you watching this movie (well at least the old version) while high as a kite is pretty damn fun.

    Now, this was back in my high school/early college party days… but heh.

    Another I recommend is the Wizzard of Oz. WHOA.

    Just don’t watch them back to back or you will have dreams of midgets running down yellow roads chasing cats and dogs with lollypops.


  5. I can’t think of anything to say. I’ve tried to think of witty comments about the man, the popcorn and oompa-ass shaking, but nothing springs to mind.

    Except I want to see a director’s cut with Oompa Loompa mud-wrestling. And something about popcorn…


  6. You don’t have to be on cold med to think that the oompa loompa’s are evil and a little freakish, lol. I was on NOTHING and still felt strange while watching it…very…very weird…and scary :0


  7. I don’t know, i reckon i like the first one the best, even though i haven’t seen the second one. I don’t know if i can go against the first one. that is where my nick came from, augustas gloop= gussy.


  8. I watched it yesterday because we were ever so bored at garden city and i was surrounded by children and i was the only person to crack up laughing over the comments about cannablaisim. I had a rude little girl tell me to shut up :/
    I thought it was ok, although a lot of the humour so went over peoples heads.


  9. Yeah, that kind of movie wouldn’t mix well with some good ol’ cold medicine.

    How weird, I went to see that movie and there was more popcorn down my shirt than I ate! lol


  10. I had a choof and thought i was an oompa loompa any way as dark and brooding as it is the original is better because of W.W’s cynicism of humanity and utter loathing of the kiddies.
    The original oompas are truly evil and still scare me


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