My Inner Voice
I was given an Easter card this morning from my grandmother. It was a pretty little card, with bunny rabbits and eggs on the front. After about a minute or so I said “I don’t get Easter cards”, and the moment I said it the voice inside my head started to scream “WTF are you doing, she just gave you a card and you bagging it? Think quick you wanker”.
Nikita: “I mean, why have a card for it?”
Nikita’s inner voice: “That wasn’t very, good try again”
Nikita: “It’s just they have cards for everything these days!”
Nikita’s inner voice: “Do they have one that an inner voice would give to someone that won’t be quiet?”
My mother gives me a look, a look which my inner voice would probably also give me if it could, a “shut the hell up” look.
Nikita: “I saw a card a while back, it said ‘sorry to hear you got fired’, that was silly”
Nikita’s inner voice: “Would you like me to help you dig that hole you’re in?”
Nikita’s inner voice: “I do hope that means you’re done”
I do this all the time. I’m known for saying daft things right after someone gives me something, it’s a sickness. At Christmas my Aunt and Uncle came over, they gave me a book and a nice pair of handmade earrings. They were simple earrings, so I started telling her how you easy it is to make them.
Nikita: “They’re really easy to make, just get the wire and some beads and crimps here and here”
Nikita’s inner voice: “Oh no, here you go again”
Nikita’s aunt: “Oh…”
Nikita: “Yeah, really simple”
Nikita’s inner voice: “I really do wish I had a stun gun in here to shut you up at times like this”
Nikita’s aunt: “Well, they’re still a nice pair of earrings”
Nikita’s inner voice: “She thinks you hate them, say you love them, that you’d sell your soul for them”
Nikita: “Oh yes, they are”
Nikita’s inner voice: “I think it’s best to just shut up now and change the subject”
Nikita: *mumbles* “Me too”