Found
Posted on Tuesday, 13th May 2008 at 11:21pmAmongst all the chaos of the last few months; the break-up, tears, arguments, unwarranted weight loss, depression, headaches, death, cancer, life changes and challenges…
I seem to have found my creativity again.
A week ago I stumbled upon a box full of findings and beads on sale. I dug around the box, found a few items, and decided to buy them without intention to use them. “They’re cheap and I might use them one day,” I assured myself. Then my creative energy flowed and during a five hour beadathon yesterday I created an array of bracelets.
My new found creative energy could be linked to the fact that a dear friend of mine suddenly found out some devastating news regarding the health of her baby, news that took me days to comprehend and acknowledge. Her beloved seven month old baby boy has numerous incurable cancerous tumours all over his body. Four in his brain, one wrapped around his heart, another wrapped around his windpipe and spine, no major organ is free from the cancerous tumours. I cried for days. The entire situation seems so unfair and surreal. His mother celebrated her first Mother’s Day by his side in hospital, hoping for a miracle and asking for resolve. Weeks earlier the young family had moved into their new home, they were looking forward to a holiday and planning a first birthday later this year. This week doctors and family prepare for the inevitable. When I first heard the news it felt like a bad dream, because I never knew such an aggressive cancer could attack a baby in such a manner. It’s everywhere. The doctors are performing chemotherapy not to cure the cancer, but to possibly shrink the tumours and make him more comfortable, he is in pain, pain that he cannot vocalise given how young he is. A miracle has been questioned, as everyone involved clings to hope, doctors are regrettably confident that even if all of the multiple tumours could be shrunk and/or surgically removed, the cancer would return within months given it’s aggressive nature.
Aggressive. I hate that word.
The recent events have made me realise how cruel and unfair life can be, forcing me to contemplate mortality in great detail, leading towards sleepless nights and rumination.
“To die is poignantly bitter, but the idea of having to die without having lived is unbearable.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
14 Responses to “Found”
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Keg comments: May 13th, 2008 at 11:31pm
Those rule
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Nezz comments: May 13th, 2008 at 11:32pm
I’ve had to grasp the realisation of mortality too. Two deaths within a week was pretty rough. It’s funny how you know that people can’t live forever, and there are things that can strike without warning, but when it hits you, it really hits you.
I hope you feel better soon, and that the family can get through it with all the strength in the world.
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Skuba comments: May 13th, 2008 at 11:47pm
That is soooo sad that someone that young and innocent has to endure something as tragic as that.
Those bracelets are awesome! Will you be selling them?? I really like the green one!
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Chris LaBossiere comments: May 13th, 2008 at 11:56pm
Kitta:
There are no words for such a sad actuality, but I hope that your friends eventually feel that life is a miracle, no matter how short lived.
“Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”
Sad for you nonetheless…keep creating…
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kalen comments: May 14th, 2008 at 12:16am
i daily struggle with my own understanding/interpretation of death.
i feel horrible for your friend… that is nothing they deserve to go through.
i gave up understanding things like that - the seemingly horridly CRUEL things. i just have faith that they have some meaning beyond all this.
i think it’s nice that something so beautiful (your bracelets) came from it all. maybe you could make a special one for your friend to bless her & bring her some strength and good vibes?
take care. honestly.
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Luckydevil69 comments: May 14th, 2008 at 7:09am
Stories like this one fill me with fear. My daughter is 4 and is as healthy and happy as i could ever dream of, but the thought of something like this happening to her and her being taken from me prematurely, fills me with dread.
There are no words that will ease your pain, the poor parents will be numb by now, sadly this will not be an isolated case, but the sky will be blue, the sun will still shine, the rain will still fall and the world keeps on spinning.
One day you’ll hear the birds sing and the warmth of the sun on your face and realize that for every horror like this there are a thousand joys that you just couldn’t see until now.
Until you reach that day……….
A big huggle commin at ya from the uk
Colin
xxx
(Ps. that’s a cross between a hug and a cuddle and has a more intense loving factor than the standard versions and is saved especially for emergencies like this)
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Sassamifrass comments: May 14th, 2008 at 7:37am
Those are really beautiful. I’m glad you were able to do something like that despite the negative experiences you have had and witnessed of late.
I seem most driven to create when something around me is breaking. It’s like my urge to put something beautiful in the world only stems from a fear of losing beautiful things, if that makes any sense.
My thoughts are with your friend and her baby.
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Tom comments: May 14th, 2008 at 1:32pm
Such a sad sad thing. My heart goes out the baby and family and also to you, because you suffer with this as well. It is true that death knows no age and that we should live each day like it’s our last. But try not to dwell on mortality or it will take away all the beautiful things that life gives.
I love that you have channeled your energy to something you have loved to do for a long time. Your creations are beautiful. Maybe someday I will be able to give someone I love an original Kitta.
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Bob comments: May 14th, 2008 at 6:23pm
As time wears on for me, for any of us, we experience the events in both our life cycles and those of others. Knowing it, understanding it, nevertheless makes it less poignant.
Such a sad situation you are sharing.
As for your creative spark, well you know I have always longed for something created by your hand. Maybe a memento in my own life to trigger pleasant thoughts of one of the many peaks in my own life by simple acquaintance.
“Life goes on within us and without us.” George Harrison
Life is about experiencing the moments. Good, bad, joyous and painful. It’s purpose is inclusive to itself and unique to each of our own levels of awareness. We share it will humanity and build upon those lives of past and those anticipated in the future, with is essence in the here and now.
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Talk about blowing a line….
“Knowing it, understanding it, nevertheless makes it less poignant.”
Should have read “Knowing it, understanding it, nevertheless NEVER makes it less poignant.”
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Mya comments: May 17th, 2008 at 5:21am
Wow after reading this I’m very much ready to cry…
Excuse me I’m going to go hug my daughter profusely. My prayers are with your friend and her poor little baby, god its just so fucking unfair.
m
p.s. beautiful braclets. I quite like the wire work.
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shenae comments: May 17th, 2008 at 2:09pm
You and your friend’s baby are in my thoughts and prayers Kitta. I think Shakespeare said “Tis better to have loved and lost than never loved.” Count your blessings because I have yet to have a relationship longer than the one I normally have with a bottle of wine. LOL
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Davide comments: May 27th, 2008 at 1:35am
oooooohhh I lovee Australiaa!!!! One my dream is come in Australia! I’m italian boy..I never seen a kangaroo!!!
Do you want talk me about Australia and about you?? I’m a student e jornalist..see soon!!
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Carolyn Stephens comments: July 14th, 2008 at 12:25am
The earlier we come to grips with mortality, the earlier we can begin to cherish life. This from a late learner.
Your story is sad. Your bracelets are beautiful - especially the one loaded with beads. Lovely. I appreciate that you chose to work through your grief by creating beauty and writing thoughtfully.
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