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2008 Predictions

Posted on Wednesday, 2nd January 2008 at 4:30pm
8 Comments Ensuing

I’ve never been a fan of resolutions made hastily while celebrating the start of a new year. Why not embark on resolutions throughout the year, instead of making unreachable resolutions to cease bad habits, then proceeding to give them up before the Easter bunny is due? I prefer predictions.

So ladies, gentlemen, drunk people who are waking up from NYE induced paralysis, ninjas, and pirates; here are my 2008 predictions for your perusal…

Imitation beer flavoured Coca Cola; no alcohol, no sugar, no fat, no point.
An American man tries to eBay his wife’s brain. He claims she no longer uses it.
Cookie Monster comes out of the closet and admits he really loves brownies, not cookies.
Amy Winehouse is arrested for kidnapping a four year old boy. She maintains the boy curled up and fell asleep in her beehive hairdo, and that she was too drunk to hear the screams of terror upon his waking in the darkened beehive of doom.
Signs used during the writers strike announce that they will be striking until demands of better hours and conditions are met. One sign says he was left on the side of the road while a writer went for Starbucks. The unnamed sign now suffers from PTS (Post Tarmatic Stress).
An American lady tries to eBay her husbands penis. She claims he doesn’t know how to use it properly, and she would rather it be owned by a more experienced user.
Britney Spears starts her own blog. The tag line reads, “Dis iz ma buloowwg ya’lll” and confuses readers with her intoxicated ramblings.
Google releases a ‘Britney to English’ translator.
Oprah starts Twittering.
President Bush is excited when he finds Bin Laden. The joy is short lived when his advisors point out that he has found Wally, not Bin Laden.
Twittering is finally acceptable at the dinner table because Oprah is doing it.
Apple releases the iSuck. A vacuum cleaner that analyses your household dirt to alert you of any pathogens lurking under your feet.
2-girls-1-cup; the musical.
A young man in England discovers a hidden achievement for Guitar Hero 3 on Xbox Live after his girlfriend smashes his guitar during the 759th performance of ‘Through the Fire and Flames’. He said he was shocked to see “Achievement Unlocked: Owned :p” appear on the screen.
Humans now cooler than Ninjas and Pirates combined.
Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline hook up. Oh… Wait, too late.

8 Responses to “2008 Predictions”

Vince LaMonica comments:

January 2nd, 2008 at 6:08pm

Great list! Thanks for making me smile this evening. Your “Where’s Wally”/Bush prediction is my favorite. It is beyond sad he is still president.

Now I just wish all of those “best of” and “2008 predictions” lists were as funny. Keep up the good work!

Luckydevil69 comments:

January 3rd, 2008 at 8:17am

Humans now cooler than Ninjas and “Pirates” combined.

Ninja’s maybe, but pirates?…..c’mon, where do you get this rubbish from?

Yarrrrrrrrrr

Kitta comments:

January 3rd, 2008 at 4:45pm

It amuses me that you find the ninja/pirate the most controversial.

Luckydevil69 comments:

January 4th, 2008 at 8:06am

The rest may be controversial but sadly in this day and age, they are all weirdly believable and i look forward to seeing most of them on Jerry springer
Colin

Ps your GH3 prediction may be my cousin in about another 212….wait, errr what time is it, aha….another 173 performances.
Yarrrrrrrr Rock on me beauty or yea’ll walk the plank yarrrrrrrr

(yes i need sleep……….please god)

bob comments:

January 5th, 2008 at 6:30pm

apparently wired likes you

Axel comments:

January 5th, 2008 at 8:41pm

Hi Kitta, you are on the kist of the most sexy geeks:
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/news/2007/12/YE_sexy_geeks

Kitta comments:

January 5th, 2008 at 9:05pm

Bob & Axel, I was aware of my nomination. I’m about to blog about it and the fact that I don’t play WoW.

shenae comments:

January 6th, 2008 at 10:20am

I have my own prediction: Kitta will go to rehab…for Twitter. You know the slippery slope of twitter leading to crack.

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Kitta

Nikita (Kitta) Kashner is a 20-something year old girl who lives in Perth, Western Australia. Trained blogger, photographer, jewellery designer, writer, gamer, sexy geek and monkey tamer, who spends her spare time trying to stop the Little Red Monkey from taking over the world. So far, she's stopped him 43 times... Continue?