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Army Of The Expectant

Posted on Monday, 14th May 2007 at 4:12pm

I was reading an article in a newspaper today about the increase of births taking place in hospitals instead of home, it quoted an associate professor on the subject, who said, “Women are using things they don’t need, things like epidurals.”

Did I ever share with you, dear Internet, that I am blessed with psychic abilities? No?

Well, I totally am… No, I can’t read your future or your mind, but I do predict that the person who was quoted in the article will meet a mob of crazy-ass pregnant chicks (two of whom are pregnant friends of mine, that pray to the anaesthesia god daily) late one night in an alley way, they will be armed with breast pumps and wearing nappies as ninja face masks to hide their identity. The mob will proceed to break the professors legs and then ask if they would like to kindly retract that statement.

I also predict rain on Wednesday.

10 Responses to “Army Of The Expectant”

Keg Says:
May 14th, 2007 at 4:40pm
This calls for a Coupling quote.

Steve: There’s going to be pain…
Susan: Yes.
Steve: Pain for which relief will be offered…
Susan: Yes.
Steve: But which, apparently, you won’t want…
Susan: Yes.
Steve: This is not an intelligence test that anyone should fail!

May the monkeys bless the BBC and Jack Davenport
emmer84 Says:
May 14th, 2007 at 6:46pm
I had a baby, without an epidural. I had pethadine during the contractions and nothing while i pushed him out. THe epidural restricts you from moving around lots cuase you have a massive horrible needle in your spine. My mom had 3 kids she had an epidural when she had me the third, and she said it was shit. It’s not worth it. You forget the pain anyhow after hte pushing the kid out. I’m anti-epidural
amorson Says:
May 15th, 2007 at 6:59pm
When I read “The mod/b will proceed to break the professors legs and then ask…” I thought it’s going to be “Would you like anesthesia, or prefer to limp on your own broken legs back home?”

LOL, thats just too funny.
Susannah Says:
May 15th, 2007 at 11:08pm
The girls at work and I just had this discussion and the ones who already had children swear that the epidural is the best thing ever.
You just know that that article was written by man who will never, ever have to deal with the indignity of squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grape.
Adam Says:
May 17th, 2007 at 7:41am
Wednesday came and went, but no rain for me!!

Beware the false soothsayer!
Cecilia Says:
May 18th, 2007 at 8:23am
i’ll def. get an epidural, i dont have much of a high telerance for pain, especially giving birth to a baby would be harsh.
Tiffany Says:
May 19th, 2007 at 12:40am
Women have been having children without epidurals for thousands of years, why would they suddenly need them now? Besides, there’s evidence that they aren’t as safe as many people thought they were, and that they do negatively effect the baby.

And someone is sticking a huge needle in your spine! Yech.
Aglaia Says:
May 22nd, 2007 at 9:35am
Actually, I took a women’s health class in college a few years ago and I learned a lot about pregnancy and childbirth and I was surprised by a lot of things. I have a really low threshold of pain and always figured I would be the one screaming “give me drugs!” but after the class I strongly encourage women to learn more about natural childbirth. I think there’s so much we don’t consider when it comes to epidurals and more importantly, hospitals and doctors don’t seem to take the time to discuss a woman’s option and instead assume (or insist) on the epidural. I’ve never had a child and I would never judge someone negatively for getting the epidural I just think it’s important to know what’s out there.
Ed Says:
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:26pm
I’ve heard it said…”If you want to know what childbirth feels like, grab your upper lip and stretch it over your head.”
Matia, breast pump expert Says:
May 25th, 2007 at 3:19am
I had seven children with no epidurals, because I hate needles and I am more afraid of needles and anesthesia drugs than I am of my own body. Enough said.

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