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Kitta would make an awesome washed-out pretentious 50's ex movie star.

Stop, Trolley Thief

Posted on Monday, 19th March 2007 at 11:04pm

Dear Trolley Thief,

We met today at the supermarket. Do you remember? I left my trolley full of food and some of my mail unattended for only a few seconds with the belief that no one is desecrate enough to steal another shoppers trolley. Oh how I was wrong.

As I looked at turkey steaks in the meat section you did just that, you broke The Supermarket Rules ™ by sneaking in and whisking my trolley away down an aisle. It’s squeaking wheels were muffled by the shrieking sounds of “I Think I’m In Love With You” by Jessica Simpson playing over the speakers. By the time I realised what had transpired you had already starting filling said trolley, my trolley, full of cheap cuts of meats and potato chips to blend in with the food buying crowd. You can’t trick me Mr Trolley Stealer. I checked every trolley in the supermarket and finally found you after you eluded me for ten minutes in the canned good section.

It was easy to pick you out. The blueberries and tampons gave you away as they don’t fit with your beard, long unwashed hair, tacky plaid shirt and male genitalia look you have going on.

When you were caught, you looked guilty and wouldn’t make eye contact, you tried to use some story about how you were merely escorting the trolley to the front of the store to report it as lost, that Doritos and chunky beef style soup just happened to fall into it on the way to the front of the store, then you became so dazed and confused by the magical moving food that you yourself became lost and couldn’t work out the front from the back of the store. I saw right through your magical food facade. I demanded you cease and desist holding my trolley hostage, at which point you ran like the potato chip loving little girl that you are.

The only logical reason I can determine for the supermarket aisle robbery is the fact I had mail in my trolley ripe for the picking. Granted, I am aware that one should not leave anything valuable in their trolley, alas, if you had looked more closely you would have seen that my mail consisted of no real value. Besides bills, the only item of worth was a Kath & Kim magnet set I purchased on eBay. I know it felt heavy and you probably thought it was drugs, but I can assure you, there was nothing of worth and the magnet set wouldn’t have been your cuppa tea.

Mr Trolley Stealer, if I see you again in the fruit section I would duck if I was you, because I’m highly protective of my trolley and retaliation comes in the form of a flying pineapple being hurled at your head.

Love and blueberries,
Kitta xoxo

14 Responses to “Stop, Trolley Thief”

Nina Says:
March 19th, 2007 at 11:21pm
The hell…? A trolley thief? Does anyone have any shame any more?

Perhaps he was envious of your expert grocery-picking skills, because he lacked any at all. I often find myself envying the contents of other shopping carts, but I’ve never been so ballsy as to STEAL one.

Strange indeed.
Kitta Says:
March 20th, 2007 at 12:37pm
Nina, the boyfriend also thought that my expert grocery-picking skills may have been the reason why I was targeted for trolley theft.
Ryan Says:
March 20th, 2007 at 9:52pm
what is the world coming to.

I think he probably had to buy tampons for whichever miscreant allows him to sleep with her, but he didn’t have the balls to explore the feminine hygiene department
Carles Says:
March 21st, 2007 at 7:24am
Your theme is like google personalized page updated today!
TheBachelor Says:
March 21st, 2007 at 8:11am
Perhaps this is just the beginning of a growing movement of extremist shoppers… maybe an off shoot of the rightwing shopping cart liberation cartel? Or maybe he was just a part of a smaller faction of anarchist shoppers? Congratulations on stifling the rebel uprising before they spread!
kate1976 Says:
March 22nd, 2007 at 7:22am
I am lazy, ok? I KNOW lazy. But stealing someone else’s trolley so that you don’t have to go round the aisles yourself? That is just Extreme Lazy.

By the way, a Kath and Kim magnet set sounds DIVINE.
GenericGeek Says:
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:36pm
Maybe he was trolleyed. Who knows how close you could have been to a full-on Trolley-jacking. Scary.
C Says:
March 23rd, 2007 at 4:43am
This just proves the fact that people are weird. Steal your unpaid groceries? Stupid.
Susannah Says:
March 24th, 2007 at 12:02am
I’m laughing so hard. I love your blog.
I was in the grocery store earlier this week and thought I was only grabbing a carton of milk. One armful of heavy items later, I came across an empty abandoned trolley in the Diet Coke vicinity. I lurked in the aisle for five minutes before claiming it as my own, and I still felt guilty.
Who takes a grocery cart in use? I agree with the person above who said the guy didn’t want to been seen in the tampon aisle.
atxcats Says:
March 24th, 2007 at 2:01pm
Something similar happened to me a few years ago — only the guy left his cart/trolley and walked off with mine. I grabbed his and manically chased him up and down several aisles before I finally had him cornered. “Sir,” I gasped, “I believe that cart is mine!”
“No, it’s mine. Let’s see, I picked up tomatoes, eggs, strawberries, corn tortillas, salsa . . .”
“And tampons?!” I blurted — “You have tampons?”
“Oops,” he said as he hung his head and surrendered the cart. I handed over the cart he’d left behind with tomatoes, eggs, strawberries, corn tortillas, salsa, sans tampons.

On second thought, I should have invited him over for breakfast.
Lola Says:
March 24th, 2007 at 7:08pm
How bizarre. I’ve never considered that people may steal trolleys before people have paid for the items. The world is getting weirder.
Chrissie Says:
March 24th, 2007 at 11:52pm
Aw, that’s so cute atxcats. It’s like you were a perfect match made in heaven.

Well Hopefully kitta’s trolley stealing friend likes pineapple’s that’s all I can say.
Jenny Says:
March 25th, 2007 at 8:31am
HAHAHA that was nuts. I’da kicked his butt and yelled for all to hear.
talia Says:
March 30th, 2007 at 9:44am
This is only like the funniest thing I have heard all day! All week even! And I work with prep kids- they ALWAYS say funny stuff.

VERY funny. Tops.

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