Kitta.net - Don’t feed or spank the monkey

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Kinky Monitor

Posted on Tuesday, 4th July 2006 at 11:57pm

I’m a few weeks into my onslaught of needles and I have only experienced minor reactions so far consisting of itchy skin and hives. Alas, my doctor isn’t satisfied with just sticking me with needles, oh no, this past week he has attached a multi-day holter monitor to me day and night.

Is it just me, or does ‘holter monitor’ sound semi kinky?

I have been experiencing palpitations for over a year now, they happen a few times a month and last about 8 to 15 hours, and I also experience dizziness, shortness of breath and slight chest discomfort. At first I put it down to a virus, anaemia or just stress from illness, but my doctor wants to investigate to make sure there are no arrhythmias; he thinks there’s nothing to worry about.

Last Friday I had the monitor ‘installed’ by a technician who must have done a thousand of them by the way he rushed through it all, “it’s not rocket science” he joked as he placed the right leg electrode on my lower abdomen. Indeed it isn’t. It is quite annoying to sleep with it though - I get about 20 to 30 minutes sleep before I wake up twisted in wires and with one of the electrodes pulled out - and I’ve felt very sleep deprived all week. I’ve had a lot of questions about it over the past week, such as…

Q. Does the monitor make beeping sounds or show you what your heart is doing?
A. Nope, neither sound nor recordings are visible or audible via the unit, it is all recorded to a memory card in the unit.

Q. Does it play Tetris?
A. Sadly, no.

Q. Will it interfere with your phone?
A. No, it’s not a pacemaker or an aeroplane.

Q. Is it WIFI compatible?
A. Again, no.

Q. Can you shower or bathe?
A. Yes, the technician gave me enough replacement ECG electrodes to have three showers this past week, I simply un-hook the monitor, take off the electrodes, shower, replace the electrodes with new ones and re-attach the monitor.

Q. When you shower won’t it show up that you’re dead?
A. No, they know I’m not dead when I re-attached it.

Q. Have you thought about hooking it up to a chipmunk to freak out your doctor?
A. No, due to the fact that we don’t have chipmunks in Australia and that if we did Matt would want one as a pet.

Thankfully, tomorrow afternoon I return the less than three monitor and return to normal, I shall celebrate with a long hot bath and sleeping uninterrupted on my stomach.

22 Responses to “Kinky Monitor”

stu Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 12:32am
sorry but ijust got t ask,,, will it monitor an orgasam
Ron Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 12:34am
Respectfully, I have to say - I envy the monitor.
Dan Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 12:57am
Come on now!! You know your Matt’s one and only Pet! Wow that means, now wild sex when you have the monitor on lol lol that freak the doc’s out lol lol Darn, no Internet on that think? How about Am and Fm?
boy, that does look like a kinky toy lol lol there you go Matt
Kitta Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 1:14am
Yes, the orgasm and “you can’t go near Matt or your heart will go nuts and they’ll want to know why” jokes have been made many times already. :p
Bob Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 2:50am
It is not just you, â€˜holter monitorâ€™ sounds semi kinky to the rest of us perverts too,
stu Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 2:53am
wired for sound, dig it
mice Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 3:40am
I have worn one of these before. It is not really all that much fun.

http://www.miceland.com/index.php/weblog/holter/

I took pictures but they were kept from the public so as not to start an outcry.
Nina Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 9:33am
Yikes –do the electrode thingies must leave icky, sticky black gunk on your tum when you take them off?
Nina Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 9:59am
Oh yeah! Now that I notice — Kitta, do you use a plugin for your cocomment box below *points down* or do you use straight javascript? I can’t seem to implement mine. =P
skribe Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 1:08pm
I always wanted to know how they verify this sort of research.
Mark Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 2:16pm
I bet Apple could make the same thing but smaller, whiter and trendier. Then everyone would want one.

Hope the results come back okay.
Ed Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 3:19pm
Have you been able to hear my radio station on it? I’m only running 1 kilowatt but, I have been heard in WA before.

In all seriousness Kitta… I sure wish you a speedy recovery.
Matteh Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 4:38pm
She had to use “Kicking her boyfriends ass at Literati” as one of the reasons… Now even the doctor will know she kicks my ass!
Little Red x Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 8:10pm
Hey Kitta - you really are having a rough time huh?

I have crohn’s disease and get those kind of ‘palpitations’ once or twice a month….hmmm - the joys of undiagnosed chronic diseases - you will end up knowing more about modern medicine than most of the junior doctors treating you…

x
nickadonian Says:
July 6th, 2006 at 12:04am
The answer is in your heart!
demoncocker Says:
July 6th, 2006 at 5:27am
If you went to japan now you’d be a high fashion priestess with that look.
Get well sooner rather than later honey
xxx
Dan Says:
July 6th, 2006 at 5:54am
She beats you Mateh? wow what a brut!! hahahhaha she must keep you inline?
Ron Popeli Says:
July 6th, 2006 at 10:16am
Right, now you’ve posted many posts about u being sick and all or one thing and another…

Do u have some random disease doctors don’t know about? Heh, maybe you have a NEW disease and after being diagnosed u save the world of a horrible epidemic!

Think of it, u could save the world!
Lien Says:
July 7th, 2006 at 12:06am
Last year I had a thing like that too! Everybody tought it was like a huge iPod or something, until they saw the wires and when they realized it wasn’t an iPod (shock.) they started to pop those questions you wrote
I hope they’ll find what’s causing the palpitations..
Jackie Says:
July 7th, 2006 at 2:47am
I just discovered your site which is pretty cool. The weird thing is. I LOVE BEADING, and you sorta look like me….. I’ll be back for sure. I’m in the process of opening up my own site myself. drop me a line if you have the time
Crystal Says:
July 7th, 2006 at 6:13am
oh man, what a pain. I hope all is well though. At least your doc wants to be safe though and check out everything just in case.

Q. Does it play Tetris?
A. Sadly, no.

This made me laugh, though
Milos Says:
July 8th, 2006 at 7:58pm
Whats this? Really amazing look

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