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Secret Present Agent

Posted on Saturday, 11th February 2006 at 10:09pm

I am not the girl you give a present to and ask kindly not to open it until a certain day.

I am the girl that on a warm sunny day a week before Christmas 1998 sat under the tree contemplating what was inside each of my carefully wrapped presents. I measured them, shook them ever so gently, and then thought about the likelihood of each present matching up to something from my wish list. After all the results were tallied and the bar graphs were finalised I decided to open the presents - for statistical purposes of course - I carefully peeled the sticky tape off the delicate wrapping paper and then took a peak inside each present and wrote down the results. I then wrapped them back up with sticky tape of the same proportions and placed them back under the tree in correspondence to the present map I drew earlier to avoid being caught and sent to present openers jail. I would make a fantastic secret present agent.

So when my boyfriend gave me my Valentines Day gift yesterday with strict instructions not to open it or shake it, I was worried that the secret present agent in me would come out again. So far it hasn’t, but we still have a few days to go and I could crack at any time. He should have given me contract to sign, stating terms and conditions of the present opening and punishment if those terms and conditions were broken.

Here I sit, contemplating what it could be, driving myself nearly insane and wishing I had laser eye so I could burn the wrapping paper and then be all “It was on fire, I had to un-wrap it to save the present, I am a hero.” I dare not shake it. He’s the kid of guy to implement hidden sensors attached to the wrapping paper and a SWAT team ready to deploy if I shake it too violently. So I poke it. He didn’t mention anything about not poking it.

I even rang my sort of psychic aunt to ask her thoughts on the present. She just said “Oooerrr love is in the air” and gave me no clue as to what I could be. Then I asked my mother her thoughts, who said just to open it, she wouldn’t tell a soul, hell, she will even open it for me! Clearly she was once a secret present agent too. I can just see her with the Farrah Fawcett hair do and hip sticky tape dispenser at the ready.

My bar graphs tell me that there is a 73% chance it’s jewellery, and my psychic advisor will get back to me if she has a dream about it.

Update…

We opened our presents at the stroke of midnight. It was jewellery, a beautiful white gold and diamond heart pendant, which I adore. I gave him a ‘Cookie Sutra’ book, a devil teddy and chocolates.

12 Responses to “Secret Present Agent”

xor Says:
February 11th, 2006 at 11:40pm
1. Break a leg
2. Take the present with you to the X-Ray room.
3. Profit!

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abena Says:
February 12th, 2006 at 8:10am
ur site is so coll, i love da layout

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Sad Says:
February 12th, 2006 at 1:06pm
open it! maybe it’s sexy underwear.

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Matteh Says:
February 12th, 2006 at 4:37pm
How did you know about the sensors hunny? I thought they were hid quite well…

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Haylz Says:
February 13th, 2006 at 5:21am
Lmao, the monkey caption is so cute and hilarious. I love the site.

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kris Says:
February 13th, 2006 at 11:41am
I think its psychic isn’t it? :/ Physics might help too though if you throw it up in the air and see how fast it drops.

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stu Says:
February 14th, 2006 at 1:53am
just open it just do it kitta, the tensions got to be a killer

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Nina Says:
February 14th, 2006 at 4:24am
Open it. Right now. Don’t think. Don’t contemplate. Any. More. Just. Open. It.

(Or, pester him with a lot of questions. )

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Snyke Says:
February 14th, 2006 at 7:54am
Do what I did:
- On February 13 (should be today) try to be at home with your boyfriend (or girlfriend in my case ^^)
- Wait for midnight + 1 minute
- Unwrap the present with him, that’s really the nicest thing you could do

Have a nice “expensive roses day” ^o^
Snyke

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kim Says:
February 14th, 2006 at 8:18am
I received my present early because I saw him take it out of the mailbox and mistakely said “is that for me?”.. =P

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war eagle Says:
February 21st, 2006 at 7:27am
When did u get a boyfriend? U have been holding out info. LOL
I thought u were one of those happly alone girls?

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Kitta Says:
February 21st, 2006 at 10:15pm
I started dating him on New Years Eve and we became a couple on January 31st. I don’t blog about every person I date because it’s not my style, I only blog about the special ones. I am Quirkyalone, not “happy alone”, someone who is Quirkyalone enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple.

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