B00bies
Posted on Wednesday, 28th September 2005 at 10:30pm17 Comments Ensuing
For the past few years I have been meaning to participate in The Annual Blogger Boobie-Thon, but every year I hear about it at the last minute, not this year.
The Annual Blogger Boobie-Thon is an online charity event held in October, which happens to be breast cancer awareness month, the event entails bloggers showing a little bit (or a lot) of skin to raise money for charity. Since 2002 over $17,000 has been raised for charity during past Boobie-Thon’s. This year all proceeds will be donated to either The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation or American Red Cross (for Hurricane Katrina victim relief).
Submission are now open, and I encourage fellow bloggers (male or female) to show some skin for a good cause. Only covered boobs will be featured on the main page, the NSFW nakie boobies will be in a password protected area which will be accessible by those who donate generously. The event is set to kick off on October 1st and will run till October 8th, so be sure to check out Boobiethon.com for boobies galore and remember to donate.
And no, I will not be giving any hints as to which are mine. 
Cushionnnnns
Posted on Monday, 26th September 2005 at 2:45am14 Comments Ensuing
Things that make me want to beat people with big pointy sticks piss me off…
- Creditors - who keep calling for my mum all fucking day long while I am trying to do things. The answering machine is not there just to look pretty, leave a message you life fucking fiends.
- Centrelink - That one pretty much explains itself. When I am finally well again and not in need of sickness benefits, I am so going to go in there and tell them I am working with Goatse Corp as a Cyberspace User Naturalisation Tactician, just to fuck with them for once!
- My eyes - Focus damnit.
- Obnoxious TV Ads - Specifically that sale one at the Perth Convention Centre. Someone should go there and yell “cushionnnnns” while banging pans together loudly, see how they like their brains being forced to endure it.
- Paperwork - It has a knack of getting lost easily.
- Spam - Even with filters I am still getting offers for penis enlargements, grannies fucking dogs and other twisted things you really do not want to read in your email.
- Cold weather - Hurry up summer.
- Low blood sugar - Making me feel terrible (and yes, I asked my doctor about it).
- Bad stabbing pains - I really hope the MRI sheds some light on why I feel like shit.
Marry Me
Posted on Friday, 23rd September 2005 at 2:14am17 Comments Ensuing
I have had a few marriage proposals in my short 21 years of life, some drunken, others serious and a few plain insane, I even had a counter up on this site at one point to keep track of them all because it became some what of a running joke, but the one below from Sergio takes the cake…
Sergio: You know, I’m getting tired of all this dating stuff…
Sergio: You’re nice, and not too bad on the eyes. I can’t stand you, but at least I know you…
Sergio: Wanna marry me?
Nikita: Hahaha…
Sergio: That a no? Bugger.
Nikita: That’s a big flying fucking hell no.
Sergio: Dammit.
Nikita: I think the “I can’t stand you” part was the deal breaker.
Be still my beating heart. Sergio really knows how to woo the ladies.
Similarities
Posted on Monday, 19th September 2005 at 1:22am21 Comments Ensuing
All I need is the hat.
Dr Clown
Posted on Wednesday, 14th September 2005 at 9:05pm17 Comments Ensuing
I sat down in the waiting room at the hospital and scrolled through my iPod looking for a podcast to listen to, I settled upon Dunstan’s recent adventures in small gasless and mapless towns. As I sat there listening to the podcast I noticed two clown doctors walk up to the reception. The nurse giggled as one made a balloon animal for her while the other clown doctor walked over to waiting area and picked up a magazine, he announced loudly “lets see who’s next on the list, Tom Cruise, is there a Mr Cruise here?” an old man in front of me put up his hand and said “I’m Tom”, the clown doctor gave a relived sigh and walked over the old man to start a conversation. “Hello Mr Cruise” he said, then he looked over at the old mans wife and exclaimed “and this must be Katie Holmes, you lucky man you” with a wink. Katie Holmes giggled like a school girl as Dr Clown asked her husband “what can we do for you today Mr Cruise? We have a special today on operations, buy one get one free!”, the old man laughed and replied “that sounds like a good deal”, Dr Clown retorted “oh yes, but I must warn you, I’ll be performing the free one” with a menacing look one his face. Dr Clown suddenly reached into his pocket, as if he had forgotten something, and brought out an array of red noses, presenting each one with glee. He offered one of the noses to Tom, who accepted it, Dr Clown then held a rubber chicken to his side and said “Let me just make sure the body hasn’t rejected the nose”, he grabbing the nose and made a squeaking sound with the rubber chicken. Katie asked if Dr Clown wanted any money for it, he replied “oh not it’s free, but I do take tips” with a smile.
He left Tom and Katie be and moved on to serenade a few ladies behind me - he played Frank Sinatra songs on his tiny guitar - mid serenade he suddenly stopped to ask “how does a guy drown in his cereal?” the whole waiting room looked around shrugging, then the good Dr finally said proudly “he got caught in a strong current”. Just as I cringed at the joke my name was called.
The appointment wasn’t long; all I was there for was to get a simple number. You see, I have been waiting since June for a MRI scan that would hopefully diagnose what is wrong with me, but paper work got lost, and I was never booked in for the MRI. So I had to attend another appointment to get a number and book another MRI appointment for early October.
I was quite excited about the MRI, I know that is not a normal response, but I hope that it will shed some light on what has been troubling me for the last six months. And then I told Candy about it…
Candy: Are you going to be conscious?
Nikita: Yes.
Candy: Wow, I couldn’t do that.
Nikita: Why?
Candy: They would have to sedate me; it’s like going into one of those things where they store dead bodies at a morgue.
Nikita: I think I’ll be ok.
Candy: But it’s like a tunnel.
Nikita: You know, I was totally fine about this until you mentioned the morgue part.
Trust Candy to turn ‘excitement’ into ‘totally-mother-fucking-freaked-out’.
Charlie and the Cold Medicine
Posted on Saturday, 10th September 2005 at 1:33am19 Comments Ensuing
Here’s a tip…
Never ever - even if it sounds like a good fucking idea at the time - go to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory while doped up on cold medicine. I sat there tonight thinking “why are they called Oompa Loompa’s, they are not terribly Oompaish”, the Oompa Loompa’s dance sequences really made me wonder if I had accidentally overdosed on said cold medicine and I am concerned that my dreams will be full of evil dancing Oompa Loompa’s tonight.
Candy joined me (with her own cold in tow) and wore her beloved fluffy boots. As we were waiting to buy highly priced stale popcorn a middle aged man leant in and said to her “I like your boots, I thought they were going to bite me for a minute”, she replied “they will in a minute” and shot him her Evil Candy Stare™.
We are the kind of people annoying fuckwits that make sarcastic comments throughout the movie to amuse ourselves. As the credits rolled at the start and Helena Bonham Carter’s name flashed across the screen I informed Candy “whenever I see Helena Bonham Carter all I can think of is Fight Club, and how she was meant to say “I want to have your abortion”. While the Oompa’s were shaking their Loompa asses we could be overheard whispering “how is this trippy shit PG?” and “I so want some chocolate right now” to one another. Half way through the chocolaty fun Candy leaned over and said “you would not believe how much popcorn I have down the front of my top right now” to which I replied “Candy, you’re meant to eat the popcorn, not put it down you’re top”.
My thoughts on the movie: It is dark, way too dark for PG. Johnny Depp plays a fantastic Wonka, I liked that the character had more depth and history. The whole ‘happy family’ ending was nice, a bit too Disney for my liking though.
The true highlights of the night were after the movie when I convinced Phobia that Candy and I were at a strip club watching lesbian mud wrestling instead of at the movies (truth be told, Wednesday night is really mud wrestling night at Connections, not Friday) and finding out Candy used her school captain powers to rig an Easter raffle that I thought I had won fair and square in primary school. My one claim to winning something is a forgery.
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