Out Of Sight

You know you need to book an eye appointment when you put on you 52 year old mothers (36 in Mum years) glasses and can see out of them perfectly, crystal clear. You have a moment or two where you switch the glasses on and off trying to figure out just how bad your eyes are, focusing on a far off street sign, and you finally laugh nervously about just how bad your eye sight has become.

You blame your eyes, good for nothing eyes, they should have paid more attention to the thousands of mail outs that the optometrist has sent you over the years - “where are you, are you dead? Think of your eyes, make an appointment today!” the letters scream from their glossy housing on the leaflet that also promotes a buy one pair get one free offer - and less attention to the camera house brochures. You dare not go back to the optometrist. You fear they will take your eyes away from you because you have neglected them so badly.

You've been a terrible eye parent.

Technorati Poll

A few days ago I received a package from Ryan, it contained some Technorati stickers and a shirt that I begged asked him for. In return he asked me to post photos of them on Flickr, so I did, and I am now going to be forever remembered as that technorati tummy girl. As Ryan said, of all the things he's accomplished at his internship at Technorati, him sending me a Technorati shirt and me modelling it will probably be the one everyone remembers.

There has been some speculation as to who wears their Technorati swag best, Paolo and Ryan suggested a poll to find out who looks more sexy in their Technorati swag. So here it is...

Who is the hottest Technorati swagger?

Myself, well more like my tummy, looking sexy in a white short sleeved Technorati shirt.

Paolo who isn't actually wearing a Technorati shirt, but since he went to so much effort making a fake one he's being including. In the above picture he is trying to recreate my now famous tummy pose. I think this is a start of a meme.

Eris is sporting a lovely transparent Technorati sticker on her chest which is framed nicely by her silky hair.

Niall is wearing a black short sleeved Technorati shirt and doing an alluring 'leaning on the desk' pose.

Matt is wearing the black long sleeved Technorati shirt and expressing the 'go away coding' look.

Leave your vote in the in the comments, voting closes on Sunday the 14th of August 2005. May the best swagger win.

Vesna’s Vagina

Is it just me, or does anyone else think Vesna from Australian Big Brother talks about her vagina a bit too much? She's been washing her vagina, scared for her vagina's well being, singing about her vagina and talking non-stop about her bloody amazingly multitalented vagina. I predict her vagina will be more famous than she will on her depart from the house...

Gretel: "Please welcome, Vagina! Oh, and umm... Vesna."
Crowd, who are all dressed as vagina's: "Wooohooo, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina..."

Look out for vesnasvagina.com.

Update...

Adam couldn't resist registering vesnasvagina.com and re-directing it to this entry. I should have seen that one coming.

The Funeral

As I was getting dressed this morning I looked through all my black clothes and I came across my "I'm blogging this" shirt and contemplated wearing it to my grandfathers funeral for about five minutes. I mean, it is funeral standard black and I am clearly blogging about the event right now, so why not advertise while I'm at it? Then I remembered that I really adore my "I'm blogging this" shirt and wearing it to my grandfathers funeral would deem it un-wearable in the future because of the memories that would be attached to it... That and my mother would kill me. So I picked a pair of black pants, a simple black top and my ouchie shoes (uncomfortable black shoes that I never wear), I would later spend 3 hours swearing at said ouchie shoes for being just so fucking uncomfortable. I was ready to mourn.

We arrived and were greeted by the funeral director who was as quiet as a mouse, I don't understand why funeral directors always say "sorry for you loss" it reminds me of hookers in Thailand who say "me love you long time" and don't mean any of it.

It was a lovely service, my favourite part was when he said "he was a armchair sportsman" about my grandfather, it made us all laugh and kept things light hearted, which is what he wanted. I kept thinking all through the service about how when I was little I used to cut his hair - with imaginary scissors of course - I would make idle chit chat about the weather and cut away with my fingers. I couldn't believe he is really gone.

One of my mum's many cousins (my grandfather had 11 sisters and brothers) came up to me after the service, she grabbed me and proceeded to squeeze every bit of air out of me while saying "he was a great man your pop", I was thinking "who are you?" I hardly knew any of his family; there are just so bloody many of them that it's hard to keep track of them all.

Here is my kit to get through a funeral...

• Panadol - For headachy badness.
• Excuses - As to why you haven't rung aunt what's-her-face in years.
• Tissues - Rent a truck and fill it with boxes of tissues, better yet, rent a plane to drop them from the sky.
• Umbrella - Because it always fucking rains.
• A confused look - To be used when your mothers cousin grabs you and starts shaking you while saying "you've grown up". Well, yes, people tend to do that.

As we were driving home my mum said "how much do you think the funeral director gets paid?" To which I replied "I'm not sure", she then started talking out loud to herself, "It would be quite a nice job" she informed herself. She kept pondering and finally said "I think that would be a good job for me".

Leave it to my mum to think about future job possibilities at a funeral.

21

The rumours are all true, I turned 21 years old today. Happy Birthday to me.

Even as a baby I was plotting things. If I could have blogged straight after birth, I'm sure it would have sounded like this...

"Yes, first I will get out of these diapers, a good world dominator can not wear diapers, they must poop unassisted! Then I must do something about this lack of walking. Hmm. Then a secret lair must be obtained. So much to do, I'm sort of sleepy now. Baby yawn. Will plot more tomorrow."

Today wasn't what I had expected my 21st birthday would be like. There was no celebration, joy, jubilation, nor any birthday fun. The reason why all those wonderful birthday feeling were absent is because my grandfather passed away on Monday and I spent today - my 21st birthday - making funeral arrangements with my family. People keep asking me "how does it feel to be 21?" and all I can say is "shitty". I have such a mix of emotions going on right now, I don't know what to think; am I meant to be sad about my grandfather passing away or happy about my birthday? I've been in shock and it didn't really hit me that he was gone until I opened my birthday card - which my grandmother wrote weeks ago - and read the last line...

I think even if she had of wrote it later and left him off the card it would have still hurt the same, if not more.