Kitta.net - Don’t feed or spank the monkey » 2005

Nothing beats the monkey life, stabbing people with my monkey knife.

Ain’t Good Enough

Posted on Saturday, 30th July 2005 at 1:25am
11 Comments Ensuing

I turn into the next aisle at the supermarket and see two men and a young boy, one of the men is eating some bird seed, he puts the bird seed down and proclaims…

“If it ain’t good enough to feed a human, then don’t feed it to a bird is what I say.”

Ain’t that profound?

Deli Lady

Posted on Wednesday, 27th July 2005 at 3:08am
19 Comments Ensuing

The lady at my local deli doesn’t seem to like me.

Now I know that this shouldn’t bother me, but damnit, I want to have a friendly relationship with my deli lady. I wish for it to mimic the relationship I had with my previous deli lady - she was epitome of all deli ladies worldwide - ex-deli lady would make jokes about how anybody could beat her prices, but since everywhere else was closed I was screwed, so I better bloody enjoy the insanely over priced can of tuna.

The new owner is not the same, not at all, she always has this look about her, a look that says at any moment she could to pull out a rifle and yell “you steal gum you die motherfucker” and I don’t even like gum.

I’ve tried to get her to warm to me, by keeping my hands in clear view so she could see no gum stealing was in progress or by presenting the exact change for my purchases, but she still gives me a “die motherfucker” look.

Maybe she does this to scare off potential gum thieves (gum can be hard to obtain) or maybe she had some sort of plastic surgery disaster that makes her that way. What ever it is, I’m going to keep trying to crack her, get her to at least smile and release the grip on her gum bandit killing rifle, if only for a second…

But if she doesn’t warm up to me soon, I’m going to steal some gum just to fuck with her.

Right o

Posted on Friday, 22nd July 2005 at 7:30pm
13 Comments Ensuing

Kitta: Right o.
Sergio: Right o?
Sergio: Dude, you just lost like a gajillion points of cool.
Sergio: Right o… jeez.
Sergio: What’s next? “Tubular”?
Sergio: “Oopsie daisy”?
Kitta: Why don’t you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself.
Sergio: HAHAHAHAHA!
Sergio: I love pissing you off.
Kitta: I love retorting.
Sergio: You write so mean when you’re pissed off.
Kitta: Only for you, baby.
Kitta: Only you.
Sergio: It warms my heart, it does.

Blogiversary

Posted on Monday, 18th July 2005 at 8:25pm
21 Comments Ensuing

They grow up so fast.

One day you’re setting up their blogware and configuring their databases, the next thing you know they’re up for a bloggie and entering those difficult blogager months, during which they tell you how you’re sooo un-cool, the design you’ve given them is fugly, and that link your about to blog about was so, like, yesterday so you better not post it. Ahh blogs.

Today is my blogiversary, I’ve officially been blogging for 3 years, yet it feels like longer, much, much longer.

Thanks goes out to Rich for the hosting, GP for the ideas and my family and friends for allowing me to ~~make fun of them online~~ share our conversations online. And most importantly to you, yeah you, for reading my blog. Thanks.

As a special treat for today - and only today - you may spank and feed the monkey till your hand is sore and you no longer have any food to spare.

Birthday List

Posted on Friday, 15th July 2005 at 2:41am
24 Comments Ensuing

Mum: What do you want for your birthday?
Me: A digital rebel XT.
Mum: How much is that?
Me: About $1500.
Mum: So… What else do you want for your birthday?

Jade commented that it’s hard to think of something to give as a 21st gift and I have to agree - I’m still trying to find something perfect for Candy (start with the hints girl) - she suggested I should write a list, I have, and here it is…

Ashton AV442 violin
A FoofPod in blue split
Logitech MX 1000 cordless laser mouse
Computer tool kit (I keep stealing my brothers)
UGG boots
Hunna’s Under one roof and Natural Selection DVD’s
Curious Perfume
A Victoria’s Secret, Jinx, Thinkgeek, Threadless, Emitions or Game Head gift certificate.
Silk knitting needle case (in gold/lavender), needle sleeve (in lavender) or a knit one bag (in mandarin)

Cosi Girls

Posted on Wednesday, 13th July 2005 at 8:20pm
12 Comments Ensuing

Lynne Heming - the ugly duckling featured on several current affair programs â€“ in my mind, is quite a silly young lady.

First off, she had a few plastic surgeries and procedures to make herself resemble a Barbie doll. Fine, she’s a sports model, bigger boobs can be a great advantage in sports modelling and they might help her win a few competitions, possibly do more promo work (“three cougars thanks”) and hopefully pay back the money to recoup her investment. What annoys me is she went to Today Tonight with her story, in what seems like an attempt to help her career. Did she not fathom that the media is evil, especially current affair programs?

Google her name and you get a small mention on a sports competition site, maybe she should have boosted her web presence before her chest size (which, after I hit submit, I will have done for her).

Normally, I wouldn’t watch this sort of filth, but I have a cold and watching vapid cosi girls (girls who get so much cosmetic surgery that no one recognises them) get biased by the media is entertaining.