It’s not you, it’s me
I was thinking about some good excuses that people use when breaking up. I don't mean "It's not you, it's me", which is universal for "It's so fucking you", I mean really good, clever, funny ones. I asked the LRM forum member's and here are a few we may have used in the past or wish we had the guts to use...
Dogmatix: "I don't see how I could ever love someone who cheated on me with Everquest II. Did our questing in Azeroth mean nothing to you?"
Dexter: "My mothership has returned to get me and I must leave. Pay no attention to my android double when you see it."
Candy: "I'm sorry, but I like girls, I just wanted to see if I liked boys or not and I don't."
Lore: "What, you thought this was a relationship, oh shit sorry, I just wanted sex."
Metao: "I love you more than anything, but you're more like a sister than a girlfriend."
Metao: "This is a pre-emptive break-up."
Finally Metao shared with us the shortest and possibly most effective of all break up lines...
Metao: "I fucked your Mum."
And here are a few of my own...
Nikita: "I have a confession to make, I'm really only 14, well more like 13 and a half, but I'm sooooo mature for, like, my age."
Niktia: "I cant see you anymore, you're code isn't valid."
Feel free to add your own in the comments.
Nikita is a 20-something year old geeky girl that resides in Perth, Western Australia. She is currently studying and working in the health industry. She spends her spare time blogging sporadically, taking photos, gaming, volunteering, geocaching, making jewellery and trying to stop the Little Red Monkey from taking over the world. So far, she's stopped him 36 times.
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Minions
There are currently 6 of the Little Red Monkeys minions present and 4,320,589 have done his evil biddings since July 18th 2002. Over 772,456 menacing spam comments have been caught and swiftly decapitated to punish them for their villainous ways. His ranting appeared on your screen at a rate of 1.155 seconds.
June 8th, 2005 - 19:49
The one from metao is great but I guess you could always use: “Yeah…. I got this rash and im sure its your fault” I am pretty sure that an accusation like that would get you on your way.
June 8th, 2005 - 21:05
The trouble with Candy’s is the creepy guys who’d get excited by it and take it as a challenge…
June 8th, 2005 - 21:28
I like “This has been great, but my wifes beginning to suspect something.” This one works unless you life in a small town, because everyone know everything about everyone else.
June 8th, 2005 - 21:54
‘Does this mean we’ve just broken up?’
June 9th, 2005 - 01:16
“Hey, what’s that?!” ::points to the far distance, then bolts once her head turns to see what it is::
June 9th, 2005 - 02:18
http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?W=605413&LS=0&ITEM=212781&RN=160
kitta,, i instantly thought of your collection check it out
June 9th, 2005 - 03:14
I am breaking up with you now before you get too attached to me….so I am doing you a sort of favour, aren’t I?
June 9th, 2005 - 04:21
Im really gay… I just used you as a cover…
June 9th, 2005 - 04:42
“Given current market conditions, it’s very difficult to remain competive. I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.”
June 9th, 2005 - 05:18
I had a dream you turned into a frog, and being astrologically fire, I feel I am incompatible with amphibians. Plus I fear you’ll someday carry eggs on your back.
June 9th, 2005 - 06:10
This one is sure to get an eyebrow from the ladies:
“I work for the government. I’m a spy and I have to go on a mission. It’s dangerous work and you’re likely never to hear from me again. It would be in your best interest to never speak of me or the time we shared again.”
June 9th, 2005 - 06:13
“Its not me, its you!”
June 9th, 2005 - 06:18
You deserve someone better! I just don’t think I love you enough..
June 9th, 2005 - 07:11
The simplest, shortest line I ever used was, “It’s over.” Then I walked away and never spoke to her again.
June 9th, 2005 - 08:18
Hahaha! These r all great, especialy Metaos.]
I got one:
‘The voices in my head just don’t like you, so sorry…’
Simple, no questions asked. She’ll probably want to be the one braking up…..unless she has voices of her own, then your screwed…
June 9th, 2005 - 09:07
I always like “Welcome to Dumpsville, population: you”
*Almost* used it once, when this guy just wouldn’t leave me alone
June 9th, 2005 - 12:33
“I wanna be an astronaut. I need more space.”
:-p
June 9th, 2005 - 14:13
Im for saying nothing.
No slinging mud when you leave either.
Just quietly shut the door.
June 9th, 2005 - 14:46
Don’t dump them.
Make them dump you!
You don’t need to come up with an excuse, and you get to have a little fun for a couple of days.
Heck! If it’s an emergency(or you’re specially gifted at being a jerk) you can get them to dump you in 5 minutes. AH! Now there’s a bestseller waiting to happen!
June 9th, 2005 - 18:16
“we should have a temporary break… i’ll always be here for you…”
and then the next time you hear of him, is when he is ‘about to’ break up with his ‘latest’ girlfriend whilst already going after another girl a week before
“it’s a battle i will refuse to fight, even if i can win”
same person, same e-mail, talking about the girl’s parent’s reluctance for her to be with him.
utterly charming.
June 9th, 2005 - 18:51
“I’m sorry, but I’m dating Paris Hilton”.
June 9th, 2005 - 21:16
I’ve got you beat Chris I actually said nothing once and when the girl I was dating came to see me she sat with me for about 5 minutes and then left afer I refused to talk never saw her again.
June 10th, 2005 - 03:06
This one was actually tested.
“My New Years Resolution is: To Break up with you!!!”
June 10th, 2005 - 04:08
does it burn when you pee or did i get it from your sister?
June 10th, 2005 - 05:28
“I think you’d get in the way of my future career goals: nymphomaniac.”
June 10th, 2005 - 11:08
Your kisses are so sweet..but sweets are bad for my diet.. so for the sake of my health I’m going to have to leave you.
June 10th, 2005 - 18:34
If all that up there fails, you can allways show her some links from Sergio’s blog.
June 11th, 2005 - 04:28
“We have to breakup because I’m pregnant with your best friend’s baby.”
June 12th, 2005 - 02:01
“the herpes we share is forever, but my love of you isn’t.”
“thanks for the great ride. game over!”
June 12th, 2005 - 05:26
‘My dick fell off.’
June 12th, 2005 - 16:35
lmfao. i’d be just straight on and say it’s so you, honey. you suck
June 13th, 2005 - 02:30
he moved to canada after pronouncing he needed time
June 14th, 2005 - 21:42
This isn’t so much a break up line but a why we aren’t together line, i find it a classic.
“your too good for me”
This was followed by me having lock jaw from the amount fo time it was open. IN SHOCK.
pfft
June 15th, 2005 - 02:58
“It’s not you… it’s me not being able to put up with you.”
June 17th, 2005 - 16:18
“I’m getting a restraining order against you.”
I’m also a fan of the classic, “fuck off!”
June 30th, 2005 - 02:11
The best ever is…’Welcome to dumpsville, population: you.’