Kitta.net - Don’t feed or spank the monkey

I like shiny things, they excite me.

It’s not you, it’s me

Posted on Wednesday, 8th June 2005 at 7:40pm

I was thinking about some good excuses that people use when breaking up. I don’t mean “It’s not you, it’s me”, which is universal for “It’s so fucking you”, I mean really good, clever, funny ones. I asked the LRM forum member’s and here are a few we may have used in the past or wish we had the guts to use…

Dogmatix: “I don’t see how I could ever love someone who cheated on me with Everquest II. Did our questing in Azeroth mean nothing to you?”

Dexter: “My mothership has returned to get me and I must leave. Pay no attention to my android double when you see it.”

Candy: “I’m sorry, but I like girls, I just wanted to see if I liked boys or not and I don’t.”

Lore: “What, you thought this was a relationship, oh shit sorry, I just wanted sex.”

Metao: “I love you more than anything, but you’re more like a sister than a girlfriend.”

Metao: “This is a pre-emptive break-up.”

Finally Metao shared with us the shortest and possibly most effective of all break up lines…

Metao: “I fucked your Mum.”

And here are a few of my own…

Nikita: “I have a confession to make, I’m really only 14, well more like 13 and a half, but I’m sooooo mature for, like, my age.”

Niktia: “I cant see you anymore, you’re code isn’t valid.”

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

36 Responses to “It’s not you, it’s me”

El Primo Says:
June 8th, 2005 at 7:49pm
The one from metao is great but I guess you could always use: “Yeah…. I got this rash and im sure its your fault” I am pretty sure that an accusation like that would get you on your way.
Fiona Says:
June 8th, 2005 at 9:05pm
The trouble with Candy’s is the creepy guys who’d get excited by it and take it as a challenge…
Tom Says:
June 8th, 2005 at 9:28pm
I like “This has been great, but my wifes beginning to suspect something.” This one works unless you life in a small town, because everyone know everything about everyone else.
Richard Says:
June 8th, 2005 at 9:54pm
‘Does this mean we’ve just broken up?’
Chris Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 1:16am
“Hey, what’s that?!” ::points to the far distance, then bolts once her head turns to see what it is::
stu Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 2:18am
http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?W=605413&LS=0&ITEM=212781&RN=160

kitta,, i instantly thought of your collection check it out
GRemlin Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 3:14am
I am breaking up with you now before you get too attached to me….so I am doing you a sort of favour, aren’t I?
Youkie Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 4:21am
Im really gay… I just used you as a cover…
Mark Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 4:42am
“Given current market conditions, it’s very difficult to remain competive. I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.”
MB Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 5:18am
I had a dream you turned into a frog, and being astrologically fire, I feel I am incompatible with amphibians. Plus I fear you’ll someday carry eggs on your back.
Waylon Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 6:10am
This one is sure to get an eyebrow from the ladies:

“I work for the government. I’m a spy and I have to go on a mission. It’s dangerous work and you’re likely never to hear from me again. It would be in your best interest to never speak of me or the time we shared again.”
David Duke Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 6:13am
“Its not me, its you!”
Niels Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 6:18am
You deserve someone better! I just don’t think I love you enough..
Chris Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 7:11am
The simplest, shortest line I ever used was, “It’s over.” Then I walked away and never spoke to her again.
AJ Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 8:18am
Hahaha! These r all great, especialy Metaos.]

I got one:
‘The voices in my head just don’t like you, so sorry…’

Simple, no questions asked. She’ll probably want to be the one braking up…..unless she has voices of her own, then your screwed…
Lauren Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 9:07am
I always like “Welcome to Dumpsville, population: you”

*Almost* used it once, when this guy just wouldn’t leave me alone
I am corny Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 12:33pm
“I wanna be an astronaut. I need more space.”

:-p
Aaron The Truck Driver Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 2:13pm
Im for saying nothing.

No slinging mud when you leave either.

Just quietly shut the door.
xor Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 2:46pm
Don’t dump them.
Make them dump you!
You don’t need to come up with an excuse, and you get to have a little fun for a couple of days.

Heck! If it’s an emergency(or you’re specially gifted at being a jerk) you can get them to dump you in 5 minutes. AH! Now there’s a bestseller waiting to happen!
z. Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 6:16pm
“we should have a temporary break… i’ll always be here for you…”

and then the next time you hear of him, is when he is ‘about to’ break up with his ‘latest’ girlfriend whilst already going after another girl a week before

“it’s a battle i will refuse to fight, even if i can win”

same person, same e-mail, talking about the girl’s parent’s reluctance for her to be with him.

utterly charming.
Tony Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 6:51pm
“I’m sorry, but I’m dating Paris Hilton”.
El Primo Says:
June 9th, 2005 at 9:16pm
I’ve got you beat Chris I actually said nothing once and when the girl I was dating came to see me she sat with me for about 5 minutes and then left afer I refused to talk never saw her again.
TheRussian Says:
June 10th, 2005 at 3:06am
This one was actually tested.
“My New Years Resolution is: To Break up with you!!!”
fernando garza Says:
June 10th, 2005 at 4:08am
does it burn when you pee or did i get it from your sister?
Himani Says:
June 10th, 2005 at 5:28am
“I think you’d get in the way of my future career goals: nymphomaniac.”
kati Says:
June 10th, 2005 at 11:08am
Your kisses are so sweet..but sweets are bad for my diet.. so for the sake of my health I’m going to have to leave you.
xor Says:
June 10th, 2005 at 6:34pm
If all that up there fails, you can allways show her some links from Sergio’s blog.
Ashley Says:
June 11th, 2005 at 4:28am
“We have to breakup because I’m pregnant with your best friend’s baby.”
waxonwhackoff Says:
June 12th, 2005 at 2:01am
“the herpes we share is forever, but my love of you isn’t.”

“thanks for the great ride. game over!”
AJ Says:
June 12th, 2005 at 5:26am
‘My dick fell off.’
imee Says:
June 12th, 2005 at 4:35pm
lmfao. i’d be just straight on and say it’s so you, honey. you suck
Me Says:
June 13th, 2005 at 2:30am
he moved to canada after pronouncing he needed time
Nicole Says:
June 14th, 2005 at 9:42pm
This isn’t so much a break up line but a why we aren’t together line, i find it a classic.

“your too good for me”

This was followed by me having lock jaw from the amount fo time it was open. IN SHOCK.

pfft
Jonathan Says:
June 15th, 2005 at 2:58am
“It’s not you… it’s me not being able to put up with you.”
kat Says:
June 17th, 2005 at 4:18pm
“I’m getting a restraining order against you.”

I’m also a fan of the classic, “fuck off!”
Ellz Says:
June 30th, 2005 at 2:11am
The best ever is…’Welcome to dumpsville, population: you.’

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