On behalf of Firefox
Posted on Monday, 25th April 2005 at 2:56amThe phone rings and I pick it up, because that is what one does with a phone…
Telemarketer: Hi I’m calling on behalf of [Insert phone company which calls so much it could be classified as stalking], would you be interested in changing over to [Insert stalkers name again]? If you change over now we’ll pay half of your existing bill.
Bugger.
Nikita: Half you say?
Telemarketer: Yes, half.I was reeling her in, giving her a taste of a sale and then…
Nikita: No, I wouldn’t, but let me ask you a question. What is your current web browser?
Telemarketer: Excuse me?
Nikita: Web browser, the software you use to view websites, most people use Internet Explorer.
Telemarketer: Ahh yeah, I umm, think I use that one.
Nikita: Ok, well did you know that there is an alternative?
Telemarketer: No.That no had a strong ‘you have got to be fucking kidding me’ tone attached to it.
Nikita: Firefox is one of the alternatives. It’s safer, faster and a hell of a lot cooler.
Telemarketer: Ooookkk.Tone now more of a sarcastic ‘you’re insane and I’m so about to hang up’.
Nikita: If you’d like more information go to www.getfirefox.com.
Silence hung in the air for a few seconds, and then I could hear her rustling around, possibly looking through the manual on what to do if the person you’re calling tries to talk you into something.
Telemarketer: Um, sur-k…
I beleive that is a new word, a mixture of sure and ok, that oddly enough sounds like a great name for a breakfast cereal. “Sur-K, it’ll put the Sure in your K.” Possible explanation for the new word: She was contemplating why she was a telemarketer when a tiny section of her brain that knew it was wrong exploded and the ‘e’ never made it from her brain to her vocal cords and out of her mouth. It was then that I decided it was time for me to go.
Nikita: Thanks for your time and remember, use the fox.
I had to go, I had other telemarketers to try and covert, such as the insulation dude who was due to ring any minute to enquire if I’m hot in summer and cool in winter and offer to reverse it for me. I also had to make cookies in the shape of the Firefox logo to hand out to the Mormons when they stop by way too early next Sunday morning.
“No I don’t believe in god, but tell me this, do you believe in the great almighty Firefox?”
55 Responses to “On behalf of Firefox”
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April 25th, 2005 at 3:03amvictor Says:
hahaha u’re evil
yeah, i use firefox coz it rulez! -
April 25th, 2005 at 3:28amDave Says:
Thats tooo funny.
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April 25th, 2005 at 3:38amBigA Says:
Rock that browser boat!
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April 25th, 2005 at 3:41amDominik Says:
He-he, okay, you made me laugh out loud here..
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April 25th, 2005 at 3:52amStephen Says:
Kitta, you are my new hero! I worked as a telemarketer for one summer (because the job application said “Reservation Agent” and the pay was decent) and hated when people would get angry on the phone (just say no and hang up). But this… reversal would have made my day! It’s low on hostility and high on the “wtf factor.” This is (by far) the best thing I’ve heard for dealing with telemarketers.
PS: Long time reader, first time caller
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April 25th, 2005 at 4:43amzied Says:
hehe this is actually a brilliant idea. Now, I know what’s a good way to counter annoy those telemarketers that I can’t stand wasting time with on the pphone. Good job and funny
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April 25th, 2005 at 6:22amEd Says:
…The phone rings, I answer…”Hello”…
Telemarketer: Hello Mr. Ed I’m calling on behalf of the Brand X credit card company and we’d like to offer you a chance to sign up for our new Titanium card…
Me: *silence*
Telemarketer: Hello, Mr. Ed are you there?
Me: No, Mr. Ed isn’t here. I’m Mr. Smith, Mr. Ed’s landlord, and that no good bum owes me 6 months back rent! If you hear from him will you let me know?
Telemarketer: Uuuuummm, OK Mr. Smith, sorry to bother you…CLICK.They don’t call me anymore.
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April 25th, 2005 at 6:56amFiras Says:
Hehe, that’s great.
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April 25th, 2005 at 7:19amnycgirl Says:
lol last time i was in a telemarketing place there was actually a card on the wall telling them what to do in certain kinds of situations such as that, one of them actually suggested that they cry like a baby. Go firefox!
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April 25th, 2005 at 8:48amgrimsb Says:
Brilliant! Next time somebody calls me up and tries to sell me life insurance, I’ll try to sell them . . . birth control.
(And Firefox.)
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April 25th, 2005 at 9:08amChandra Says:
LOL, that was good. I get so sick of those darn telemarketers. That one got a taste of their own medicine. LOL… and I bet they won’t call again either.
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April 25th, 2005 at 9:34amGlenn Says:
That’s awesome. I hate getting calls from Telemarketers and I will generally just hang up. I think I’m going to try what you just did to have some fun.
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April 25th, 2005 at 9:35amPriscilla Says:
Lol, nicely done.
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April 25th, 2005 at 12:29pmLeonLandGersing.com : Powered by Poem Says:
The best way to stop telemarketers
Everyone’s fav Austrailian, Kitta, has posted her reply to an actual telemarketer. By becoming one herself! -
April 25th, 2005 at 2:48pmLoddy Says:
Oh my, I don’t know whether to bow down, throw petals at your feet or sing hali-kitta-ulah!!
That is the coolest thing I’ve heard all year.
ROFLMFAO <— see? I never type that, ever…
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April 25th, 2005 at 3:14pmle Râleur.na Says:
Hello! I discover your site by chance.
I like it !
I will return to read you! With soon, good work. From Belgium, -
April 25th, 2005 at 4:58pmApollo Says:
Now there is a form of evangelism I can get behind.
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April 25th, 2005 at 5:17pmsarah Says:
Haha,excellent
whenever I get spam email these days I sent them an email back with a page full of links for my website.
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April 26th, 2005 at 12:41amAaron Says:
hahaha, that is one of the best ideas I have heard yet! I should try to sell somethign to the telemarketers too. hehe.
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April 26th, 2005 at 1:19amkelly Says:
you’re lovely! i would never have thought of doing that LOL
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April 26th, 2005 at 2:39amkris Says:
I like your method…. I might use it someday, although I think I might try to sell them on Opera. I use Firefox for gmail, but find Opera wayyyyy more cooler. Especially with the new version that uses voice commands!!! How cool is that???
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April 26th, 2005 at 2:39amI like your method…. I might use it someday, although I think I might try to sell them on Opera. I use Firefox for gmail, but find Opera wayyyyy more cooler. Especially with the new version that uses voice commands!!! How cool is that???
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April 26th, 2005 at 4:12amNeil Says:
Cheers for the return fellow monkey lover.
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April 26th, 2005 at 6:47amRose Says:
Genius Kitta… genius.
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April 26th, 2005 at 7:53amLauren Says:
I love it! One telemarketer phoned and asked if she could ask me one question, I said sure, she asks if I have double glazing, I say no, she then preceeds to ask if I’d ever consider it, at which point I inform her I’ve answered her one question and that in reflection, it probably wasn’t the best…
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April 26th, 2005 at 10:52amMCG Says:
i LOVE to mess with the telemarketers! there is no greater joy than seeing the ‘unknown’ pop up on my caller id durring dinner… as any sympathy for the telemarketer i may have had is instantly dissipated by their interuption of my dining! i don’t get many calls these days.. maybe i’m on a list.
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April 26th, 2005 at 2:04pmCat Says:
I use Firefox…….my cousin told me about it a month or so ago. It’s a sweet deal. But what’s your infatuation with it?
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April 26th, 2005 at 3:58pmfat freddy Says:
Nice one Girl!
Made me laugh out loud! -
April 26th, 2005 at 4:23pmRamses Says:
Destined to become urban legend.
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April 26th, 2005 at 6:27pmalex Says:
i would love to see you in action with the saturday morning mormons. I think you’d give john saffron a run for his money
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April 26th, 2005 at 9:07pmfserb Says:
You’re an angel.
A very funny one. -
April 26th, 2005 at 9:08pmMatt Says:
ROFL!!! HAHA Nikita your such a nerd! I love it!!! keep it up!
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April 27th, 2005 at 12:49amMark Says:
You write the best Internetisms ever.
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April 27th, 2005 at 2:36amlanser Says:
Now that you are one with the fox, we just have to convert you to the one true faith Linux!!
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April 27th, 2005 at 7:33amVidar Says:
Nice one. I would do that here but there’s two problems.
One: telemarketers are, for the most part, recordings. Yes, people are that lazy here.
Second: I’m one of the 20 people that knows how to use the internet, let alone a computer.Of the other 19, most use Firefox.
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April 27th, 2005 at 7:35pmdie telemarketer scum!
I like Kitta’s new way of dealing with telemarketers…. -
April 27th, 2005 at 8:01pmmetao! Says:
You. Are. A. Genius.
Gold.
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April 27th, 2005 at 10:17pmMasta Says:
What I fun !
Gotta try this out … last month already called 3 or 4 of those poor beeings
greets
Masta
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April 28th, 2005 at 2:10amImee Says:
lmfao :p you’re pure genius.
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April 28th, 2005 at 10:17amKeddy@Home Says:
That’s awsome. My technique was yell at them and tell them to leave me alone. But trying to convert them to something is a better idea. Messing with peoples minds is wickked fun.
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April 30th, 2005 at 4:16amwareagle27 Says:
I love Firefox best browser available. I used to use Mozilla but, Firefox is bettter
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May 2nd, 2005 at 11:24amVictoria Timar Says:
Your going to kill me, that’s how funny you are.
I am still lauging about the cookies.
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May 3rd, 2005 at 7:47pmSuz Says:
LMAO! I have been thinking of new ways to amuse myself when those god awful telemarketers call! You have given me inspiration! I think I might just convert them into Mac users…..
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May 4th, 2005 at 9:16pmJulia Says:
Hahaha! I’ll try it next time~
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May 5th, 2005 at 5:35amMe I Guess Says:
That was great. I never tried to convert them but I have used the tactic of acting insane, generally telling them about my pet dog and his habits ( I don’t have a dog , but I am a bit crazy) They eventually get tired of listening to me and hang up. I think I may try this on the next Mormans that visit. Thanks Kitta for the insight.
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May 5th, 2005 at 10:06amJoie Says:
That is a brilliant solution to the telemarketer problem! Very funny!
I totally agree with you about firefox. -
May 5th, 2005 at 11:34amMaya Says:
Haha, that’s the best!!! i should try that sometime..
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May 8th, 2005 at 3:40pmWerbeanrufe
Einen Tipp um nervige Werbeanrufe direkt im Keim zu ersticken hat Kitta: „Welchen Browser nutzen sie?” (Das Original weiterlesen)… -
May 13th, 2005 at 9:06pmPhilipp Marquardt Says:
Looks like I’m not the only one suffering from unsolicited phonecalls. If you’re into making fun of callers, check out egene mirman’s dialogues with homophobous marketers from Oklahoma: http://www.eugenemirman.com/shows.html (scroll to Anti Gay Phone Call I and II).
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May 17th, 2005 at 12:48amMetaActive Says:
Nice , firefox hit 51 mill,thanks to your efforts ….haaaa
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May 17th, 2005 at 11:38amHelen Says:
ROFL, this is a great idea, I once saw a sheet on the net of research someone was doing for a thesis, on how to question and extract info from telemarkerters, had fun with that. Will have to try the idea of selling stuff back to them
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June 20th, 2005 at 6:22pmKeg Says:
just reading back through entries…
all i can say is that i love you beyond all human measure for comfusing telemarketers in such an amusing and worthwhile way
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June 23rd, 2005 at 11:47pmNick Bramwell Says:
I thought I was the only person who did that that kind of thing to telesales people.
I once tried to sell someone our old falling apart metal shed, they were very confused and hung up on me.
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June 10th, 2006 at 5:47amKendal Says:
The best site with nice design.
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September 9th, 2006 at 8:53pm[…] Oh, the race of men, who above all else desire power. Well, it was inevitable, both that he would seek and that I would find—and hey, I think in some distant clinical corner of my mind, at least he’s using Firefox. (Which reminds me of Kitta’s hilarious guide on how to completely freak out and thereby get rid of telemarkers—all while simultaneously proselytizing contra IE! It’s so crazy it’s brilliant.) […]
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