All my life I've been a popstar trapped in a monkey's body.
Dont even think about it...

Mr Cunt

Posted on Saturday, 22nd January 2005 at 1:08am
43 Comments Ensuing


Castle

Once upon a time there was a man called Mr Cunt, who lived in the land of Net. No one knew what Mr Cunt was like or even his real name, for he never introduced himself like other civilised people did. Once a month, Mr Cunt would email Princess Kitta of Littleredmonkeyville a message, his emails were like clockwork and the message was always the same; never more, never less…

Kitta,
You’re a fucking cunt.

That was how he got his name, Mr Cunt, as it seemed fitting at the time.

Late one day Princess Kitta was being as cuntalicious as she could, when suddenly she realised that Mr cunt had not emailed her the magical message in some time. She was devastated.

How was she to know if she was cunty anymore?

Days passed and no messages arrived in her inbox from Mr cunt. Only poisonous spam arrived, advising her that she needed a bigger penis to please her wife and informing her that a Prince from Nigeria wished to put his dearly departed fathers millions in her treasure room. As the months wore on and the Firefox versions changed; no ones penis got bigger and never again did Princess Kitta receive an enchanted message from Mr Cunt telling her of her cuntful status. Littleredmonkeyville was changed forever.

The End.






















43 Responses to “Mr Cunt”

  1. Fighting Reality » No Fan Mail comments:

    2. January 31st, 2005 at 1:56am

    [...] azy @ 9:03 pm I was just over at Kitta.Net because her blog rocks and I was reading this enthralling post and wondering why I never get cool fan mail. Then it occurred to me…I still haven&# [...]

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  2. Bob comments:

    3. January 22nd, 2005 at 1:57am

    * falls asleep

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  3. Mark Wubben comments:

    4. January 22nd, 2005 at 2:35am

    Cuntalicious! (For whatever that means).

    Thanks, it made me smile :)

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  4. seriocomic comments:

    5. January 22nd, 2005 at 2:58am

    !

    Only a female could get away with writing such a post. No, strike that. Only a BRAVE female could get away with writing that. Well, at least around where I am, where the girls hit harder than the boys.

    Maybe Mr Cunt got over his/her insecurities, but it makes me wonder if the saying “treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen” is true…

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  5. Loddy comments:

    6. January 22nd, 2005 at 3:22am

    Oh good, that’s one less cunt to worry about.

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  6. Kris comments:

    7. January 22nd, 2005 at 3:26am

    Thats a pretty damn good story…. and woohoo for sex related titties being back….. errrr… titles.

    And as for this: “no ones penis got bigger”…. speak for yourself!!!!!!! … no wait, and me. :|

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  7. stu comments:

    8. January 22nd, 2005 at 5:02am

    kitta,,, i dont understand the blogg, so what exactly are you saying

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  8. Dan Mac MA, USA comments:

    9. January 22nd, 2005 at 5:21am

    I don’t know Kitti, you getting bad mouth lately :)) I think kitta need to go over knee and spanked :)))) sound like to much fun lol lol lol any way, you get all kinds of nuts out there be careful hah, I know not to long ago, I kid bought a CB from a guy from Internet and some reason the guy did get his money or kid was being a Ass about it or saying stuff about him. Then the guy sent him a package and it was rig as a bomb and went off killing him and hurting one other person. The kid lived in VT. scary stuff lots of nuts out there.
    So is ever thing alright there in Monkey land? :)))

    Dan Mac MA, USA

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  9. Stephan Segraves comments:

    10. January 22nd, 2005 at 5:29am

    A little strange but funny… ;-)

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  10. jayjay comments:

    11. January 22nd, 2005 at 6:38am

    I agree a bit more risque than the usual entry but it has been stated that you have a foul mouth..not that your mouth is foul but just the words that come out.

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  11. Bob comments:

    12. January 22nd, 2005 at 7:21am

    I think Kitta is having the last laugh on Mr Cunt. Bravo!!!
    She no doubt contends with these types often. Such a prudish group….I do say

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  12. Neil comments:

    13. January 22nd, 2005 at 7:33am

    He sounds like a right cunt that Mr. Cunt..

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  13. David Barrett comments:

    14. January 22nd, 2005 at 9:57am

    Lazy bastard. He could have at least set up a cron job.

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  14. Spyder comments:

    15. January 22nd, 2005 at 11:38am

    Did you ever report him to his ISP? just for fun…

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  15. ggb comments:

    16. January 22nd, 2005 at 3:02pm

    lol, i luv it….you r gloriously evil…remind me never 2 get on ur bad side lol

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  16. paul haine comments:

    17. January 22nd, 2005 at 5:29pm

    He was probably just flirting.

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  17. Matt comments:

    18. January 22nd, 2005 at 6:55pm

    haha we have a retard. Nice story nikita. what an idiot. You wonder why some ppl waste there time with those sorts of emails

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  18. Kitta comments:

    19. January 22nd, 2005 at 7:07pm

    Paul, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had someone flirt with my by calling me a cunt.

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  19. Awig comments:

    20. January 22nd, 2005 at 7:37pm

    If you need someone to resume calling you a cunt, you can try monster– I’m sure there’s someone there who can do the job. I’d offer, but I don’t call people cunt.

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  20. GreyArea comments:

    21. January 22nd, 2005 at 10:07pm

    What a touching, touching tale.
    [wanders away in a slightly baffled way]

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  21. JeN comments:

    22. January 23rd, 2005 at 2:15am

    Oh you’ll get some interesting search referrals after this post!
    I’ll admit, I’m interested to know if, in a way, you miss receiving that on-schedule e-mail.
    Despite the fact that it wasn’t a very nice one, it was a constant figure in your life.
    Or maybe Littleredmonkeyville is changed for the better now? : p

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  22. Ricky comments:

    23. January 23rd, 2005 at 8:27pm

    found this pic the other day —–> http://img163.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img163&image=bp0102lg.jpg was wondering if the little red monkey has released his own brand of undies as part of his world domination agenda?

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  23. GreyArea comments:

    24. January 23rd, 2005 at 10:47pm

    Which begs the question Ricky: what were you actually looking for when you found that picture? :-)

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  24. Kris comments:

    25. January 24th, 2005 at 1:26am

    Kitta,
    You’re a fucking cunt.

    But a pretty damn cool/funny/beautiful cunt at that. And about the “no ones penis got bigger” line… speak for youself! I purchased the swedish made penis enlarger as seen on Austin Powers off of Ebay!!! Funny thing is, it kinda just looks like a vacuum cleaner with the words “Penis Enlarger” written on the side of it….. :|

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  25. langley comments:

    26. January 24th, 2005 at 4:18am

    I wonder how many “fucking cunt” emails you’re gonna get now? :)

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  26. Mike comments:

    27. January 24th, 2005 at 11:17am

    Um … Okay …

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  27. Neil Nessel comments:

    28. January 24th, 2005 at 11:38am

    Here in the US, you cannot say the “C” word in front of a woman without her going ballistic. Must be because of the hard C followed by a U, N, and T (and that it is one-syllabelled).

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  28. David Barrett comments:

    29. January 24th, 2005 at 11:44am

    I would have thought that’s because it’s a horrible and distateful word for a wonderful thing?

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  29. Bob comments:

    30. January 24th, 2005 at 12:02pm

    Here’s an extensive analysis of the C word

    http://members.lycos.co.uk/mathunt/dissertation.html

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  30. Ricky comments:

    31. January 24th, 2005 at 2:37pm

    Dont be so hipocritical greyarea, whats the use of having the power of a dual 2.5 G5 and a 1 mps adsl connection if I can’t go downloading whole websites and check out its contents at my leisure ;) I found that pic on one such site which I’ve downloaded the whole directory from.

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  31. GreyArea comments:

    32. January 24th, 2005 at 3:04pm

    Ricky: fellow Mac user, eh? I take it all back, you can do no wrong :-)
    Just got a new 15″ PowerBook – shiiiiiiiiiny!

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  32. Mark comments:

    33. January 25th, 2005 at 2:02am

    Kitta.net: using cunty as an *adjective*, not a verb or a noun.

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  33. ARM comments:

    34. January 25th, 2005 at 2:40am

    Maybe it was your “ex boyfriend” :P and pathological liar …. Supershadow ???????

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  34. Kitta comments:

    35. January 25th, 2005 at 2:41am

    Ricky, I had no knowledge of LRM underwear being produced, but clearly, the little red bastard has once again left me out of the loop.

    Mark, I’d make that my tagline, but I’m already scared of the damage this entry is doing on Google. A tag line like that might push the ‘cunt’ searches over the edge.

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  35. Youko Neko comments:

    36. January 25th, 2005 at 3:06am

    Ha ha… Kitta misses Mr. Cunt…

    I wish I had a million dollars… Cause then I could buy some digi cameras and a better scanner…

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  36. José comments:

    37. January 26th, 2005 at 12:26am

    lol!!! I didn´t understand in the beggining but was very funny in the end!!! I always receive these weird spams suggesting me to enchance my breasts (????). Kisses, Kita!

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  37. abhi comments:

    38. January 27th, 2005 at 5:35pm

    should i consider the above as a joke?!

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  38. Richard comments:

    39. February 12th, 2005 at 4:28am

    Immanuel, you’re a fucking Kant! :) ………. and… I might as well chime in with “you’re a fucking cunt!” myself… LOL….

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  39. Richard Rabinowitz comments:

    40. February 12th, 2005 at 4:31am

    “Immanuel, you’re a fucking Kant!” :) lol

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  40. Ricky comments:

    41. February 12th, 2005 at 3:53pm

    “That’s gold Jerry, Gold!” -Banyan

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  41. Mathias Bynens comments:

    42. March 31st, 2005 at 10:55pm

    Heh, Ricky, heh.

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  42. Ella comments:

    43. April 6th, 2005 at 9:40am

    Even if you aren’t reminded of it, you’ll always be a cunt to me. Bollocks to Mr Cunt, he’s probably never seen one anyway!
    :x

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  43. Craig comments:

    44. October 15th, 2005 at 12:43pm

    Brilliant in its own way!

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