Mr Cunt
Once upon a time there was a man called Mr Cunt, who lived in the land of Net. No one knew what Mr Cunt was like or even his real name, for he never introduced himself like other civilised people did. Once a month, Mr Cunt would email Princess Kitta of Littleredmonkeyville a message, his emails were like clockwork and the message was always the same; never more, never less...
Kitta,
You're a fucking cunt.
That was how he got his name, Mr Cunt, as it seemed fitting at the time.
Late one day Princess Kitta was being as cuntalicious as she could, when suddenly she realised that Mr cunt had not emailed her the magical message in some time. She was devastated.
How was she to know if she was cunty anymore?
Days passed and no messages arrived in her inbox from Mr cunt. Only poisonous spam arrived, advising her that she needed a bigger penis to please her wife and informing her that a Prince from Nigeria wished to put his dearly departed fathers millions in her treasure room. As the months wore on and the Firefox versions changed; no ones penis got bigger and never again did Princess Kitta receive an enchanted message from Mr Cunt telling her of her cuntful status. Littleredmonkeyville was changed forever.
The End.
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Nikita is a 20-something year old geeky girl that resides in Perth, Western Australia. She is currently studying and working in the health industry. She spends her spare time blogging sporadically, taking photos, gaming, volunteering, geocaching, making jewellery and trying to stop the Little Red Monkey from taking over the world. So far, she's stopped him 36 times.
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Minions
There are currently 7 of the Little Red Monkeys minions present and 4,320,589 have done his evil biddings since July 18th 2002. Over 772,453 menacing spam comments have been caught and swiftly decapitated to punish them for their villainous ways. His ranting appeared on your screen at a rate of 1.282 seconds.
January 22nd, 2005 - 01:57
* falls asleep
January 22nd, 2005 - 02:35
Cuntalicious! (For whatever that means).
Thanks, it made me smile
January 22nd, 2005 - 02:58
!
Only a female could get away with writing such a post. No, strike that. Only a BRAVE female could get away with writing that. Well, at least around where I am, where the girls hit harder than the boys.
Maybe Mr Cunt got over his/her insecurities, but it makes me wonder if the saying “treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen” is true…
January 22nd, 2005 - 03:22
Oh good, that’s one less cunt to worry about.
January 22nd, 2005 - 03:26
Thats a pretty damn good story…. and woohoo for sex related titties being back….. errrr… titles.
And as for this: “no ones penis got bigger”…. speak for yourself!!!!!!! … no wait, and me.
January 22nd, 2005 - 05:02
kitta,,, i dont understand the blogg, so what exactly are you saying
January 22nd, 2005 - 05:21
I don’t know Kitti, you getting bad mouth lately :)) I think kitta need to go over knee and spanked :)))) sound like to much fun lol lol lol any way, you get all kinds of nuts out there be careful hah, I know not to long ago, I kid bought a CB from a guy from Internet and some reason the guy did get his money or kid was being a Ass about it or saying stuff about him. Then the guy sent him a package and it was rig as a bomb and went off killing him and hurting one other person. The kid lived in VT. scary stuff lots of nuts out there.
So is ever thing alright there in Monkey land? :)))
Dan Mac MA, USA
January 22nd, 2005 - 05:29
A little strange but funny…
January 22nd, 2005 - 06:38
I agree a bit more risque than the usual entry but it has been stated that you have a foul mouth..not that your mouth is foul but just the words that come out.
January 22nd, 2005 - 07:21
I think Kitta is having the last laugh on Mr Cunt. Bravo!!!
She no doubt contends with these types often. Such a prudish group….I do say
January 22nd, 2005 - 07:33
He sounds like a right cunt that Mr. Cunt..
January 22nd, 2005 - 09:57
Lazy bastard. He could have at least set up a cron job.
January 22nd, 2005 - 11:38
Did you ever report him to his ISP? just for fun…
January 22nd, 2005 - 15:02
lol, i luv it….you r gloriously evil…remind me never 2 get on ur bad side lol
January 22nd, 2005 - 17:29
He was probably just flirting.
January 22nd, 2005 - 18:55
haha we have a retard. Nice story nikita. what an idiot. You wonder why some ppl waste there time with those sorts of emails
January 22nd, 2005 - 19:07
Paul, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had someone flirt with my by calling me a cunt.
January 22nd, 2005 - 19:37
If you need someone to resume calling you a cunt, you can try monster– I’m sure there’s someone there who can do the job. I’d offer, but I don’t call people cunt.
January 22nd, 2005 - 22:07
What a touching, touching tale.
[wanders away in a slightly baffled way]
January 23rd, 2005 - 02:15
Oh you’ll get some interesting search referrals after this post!
I’ll admit, I’m interested to know if, in a way, you miss receiving that on-schedule e-mail.
Despite the fact that it wasn’t a very nice one, it was a constant figure in your life.
Or maybe Littleredmonkeyville is changed for the better now? : p
January 23rd, 2005 - 20:27
found this pic the other day —–> http://img163.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img163&image=bp0102lg.jpg was wondering if the little red monkey has released his own brand of undies as part of his world domination agenda?
January 23rd, 2005 - 22:47
Which begs the question Ricky: what were you actually looking for when you found that picture?
January 24th, 2005 - 01:26
Kitta,
You’re a fucking cunt.
But a pretty damn cool/funny/beautiful cunt at that. And about the “no ones penis got bigger” line… speak for youself! I purchased the swedish made penis enlarger as seen on Austin Powers off of Ebay!!! Funny thing is, it kinda just looks like a vacuum cleaner with the words “Penis Enlarger” written on the side of it…..
January 24th, 2005 - 04:18
I wonder how many “fucking cunt” emails you’re gonna get now?
January 24th, 2005 - 11:17
Um … Okay …
January 24th, 2005 - 11:38
Here in the US, you cannot say the “C” word in front of a woman without her going ballistic. Must be because of the hard C followed by a U, N, and T (and that it is one-syllabelled).
January 24th, 2005 - 11:44
I would have thought that’s because it’s a horrible and distateful word for a wonderful thing?
January 24th, 2005 - 12:02
Here’s an extensive analysis of the C word
http://members.lycos.co.uk/mathunt/dissertation.html
January 24th, 2005 - 14:37
Dont be so hipocritical greyarea, whats the use of having the power of a dual 2.5 G5 and a 1 mps adsl connection if I can’t go downloading whole websites and check out its contents at my leisure
I found that pic on one such site which I’ve downloaded the whole directory from.
January 24th, 2005 - 15:04
Ricky: fellow Mac user, eh? I take it all back, you can do no wrong
Just got a new 15″ PowerBook – shiiiiiiiiiny!
January 25th, 2005 - 02:02
Kitta.net: using cunty as an *adjective*, not a verb or a noun.
January 25th, 2005 - 02:40
Maybe it was your “ex boyfriend”
and pathological liar …. Supershadow ???????
January 25th, 2005 - 02:41
Ricky, I had no knowledge of LRM underwear being produced, but clearly, the little red bastard has once again left me out of the loop.
Mark, I’d make that my tagline, but I’m already scared of the damage this entry is doing on Google. A tag line like that might push the ‘cunt’ searches over the edge.
January 25th, 2005 - 03:06
Ha ha… Kitta misses Mr. Cunt…
I wish I had a million dollars… Cause then I could buy some digi cameras and a better scanner…
January 26th, 2005 - 00:26
lol!!! I didn´t understand in the beggining but was very funny in the end!!! I always receive these weird spams suggesting me to enchance my breasts (????). Kisses, Kita!
January 27th, 2005 - 17:35
should i consider the above as a joke?!
February 12th, 2005 - 04:28
Immanuel, you’re a fucking Kant!
………. and… I might as well chime in with “you’re a fucking cunt!” myself… LOL….
February 12th, 2005 - 04:31
“Immanuel, you’re a fucking Kant!”
lol
February 12th, 2005 - 15:53
“That’s gold Jerry, Gold!” -Banyan
March 31st, 2005 - 22:55
Heh, Ricky, heh.
April 6th, 2005 - 09:40
Even if you aren’t reminded of it, you’ll always be a cunt to me. Bollocks to Mr Cunt, he’s probably never seen one anyway!
October 15th, 2005 - 12:43
Brilliant in its own way!