Toastmares

This is it. I'm on one last prescription of antibiotics to try and evict the Clostridium Difficile infection that has taken up an un-welcome residence in my body. It's making my body feel quite odd; a sort of weak, tired, un-coordinated, numb feeling which is hard to explain, but apparently just a side effect.

"Oh yeah, forgot to tell you about that, sorry. Your head dropping off is a totally acceptable side effect, nothing to worry about at all."

Oh jolly good then.

If this antibiotic doesn't finally kick C. Diff's butt, I'm going to be dragged kicking and screaming (well, more like thinking of kicking and screaming, but not actually doing so) to the hospital for a week or more of IV antibiotic treatment. I do not want to be admitted to hospital, I will not be admitted to hospital... You hear that C. Diff, there will be no hospital you bacterial tosser!

I still have nightmares about the dry toast I had to consume the last time I was in hospital. The horror!

Australia Day

Happy Australia Day. Go forth and drink yourself stupid all arvo, burn the lamb and snagas on the barbie, and then gaze into the night sky which will be illuminated by some bloody expensive fireworks that are synchronized with that song you can't remember the name of. Point and laugh at the drunk guy who tries to swim across the river and nearly drowns, and remember to run like hell when the fireworks fade so you beat the traffic.

Aussie, aussie, aussie...

Bloggie Finalist

Kitta.net is a finalist in the 'Best Australian or New Zealand Weblog' category in the Fifth Annual Weblog Awards.

If you would be so kind to vote for this blog, every vote counts, and every vote will go towards helping the little red monkey finally take over and rule the world. You have until the 31st of January 3rd of February, after which darkness will fall, and all who didn't vote will be dragged out of their beds screaming "Oh god why didn't I just vote" and made to watch endless 4am religious TV shows. So I'd go vote if I was you...

I've got some stiff competition in the 'Best Australian or New Zealand Weblog' category, Sergio even thought one of them was a lesbian, until he read more of her blog and realised that the girl he thought she was in a relationship with was really her sister. "You sick fuck" was all I could say. There really is something wrong with that man. Terribly wrong.

I had a look some of the other finalists and I spotted a few other WordPress powered blogs, which gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Last year Kitta.net was the only WordPress powered blog as a finalist, so it's nice to have some company this year. If I don't win again this year the large-pointy-stick beatings from Matt won't be as severe, he'll have to save some energy for beating the others.

Mr Cunt

Once upon a time there was a man called Mr Cunt, who lived in the land of Net. No one knew what Mr Cunt was like or even his real name, for he never introduced himself like other civilised people did. Once a month, Mr Cunt would email Princess Kitta of Littleredmonkeyville a message, his emails were like clockwork and the message was always the same; never more, never less...

Kitta,
You're a fucking cunt.

That was how he got his name, Mr Cunt, as it seemed fitting at the time.

Late one day Princess Kitta was being as cuntalicious as she could, when suddenly she realised that Mr cunt had not emailed her the magical message in some time. She was devastated.

How was she to know if she was cunty anymore?

Days passed and no messages arrived in her inbox from Mr cunt. Only poisonous spam arrived, advising her that she needed a bigger penis to please her wife and informing her that a Prince from Nigeria wished to put his dearly departed fathers millions in her treasure room. As the months wore on and the Firefox versions changed; no ones penis got bigger and never again did Princess Kitta receive an enchanted message from Mr Cunt telling her of her cuntful status. Littleredmonkeyville was changed forever.

The End.

Smoke

Smoke from bush fires in the hills blanketed the sky over the weekend and made everything an eerie brown/orange colour. In the last few days six fires have raged through the eastern suburbs of Western Australia, police suspect arson. More photos on Flickr.