Kitta.net - Don’t feed or spank the monkey

AFK is fun to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Irish suit wearing man

Posted on Wednesday, 12th May 2004 at 3:22am

A few days ago I was sitting at the kitchen table chatting with my friend Candy, the topic of conversation was the type of guy I should date…

Candy: “I know the type of guy who’d be perfect for you.”
Nikita: “Oh here we go…”
Candy: “He’d be tall, have brown hair and wear a suit, oh and he’d also be Irish.”
I give her a look, a ‘what the hell are you on?’ look.
Nikita: “He sounds like a wanker.”
She laughs and she tries to correct herself, but then I start laughing, she places her head in her hands and mumbles something which I can’t make out.

So according to my friend, a tall Irish man in a suit is the way to go. I, on the other hand, think she’s nuts and really needs a holiday. But it got me thinking, what would the perfect guy for me be like? So I made a list…

He’d kill evil spiders without laughing at me while I do the spider dance (the spider dance pretty much consists of me jumping up and down, waving my hands around and yelling “Spider!”).
Be a night person (because if he was a day person we’d drive each other insane).
Someone who doesn’t use alarm clocks.
Someone who blogs, because I don’t want to go through that whole “So what is a blog?” conversation every few months.
He wouldn’t mind that I buy 5 g-strings that cost $25 each and happily donate towards my addiction.
Someone who owns a lot of really cool books that I don’t own.
He’d have to get my sense of humour and make me laugh when I’m in a horrible mood.
Someone who’s shy and doesn’t have a fake personality.
A guy who is creative and challenges me.
Someone who doesn’t lie or bullshit to me.
He’d love me as I am, and not try to change me.
A guy who doesn’t own more hair products then I do (I don’t care what the Fab Five say, there is such a thing as too many hair products).
Someone who wouldn’t think I’m nuts when I do my ‘crazy joe’ voice (if you know me well, you’ll know what I’m talking about).
He’d love the fact I sing ‘throw your arms around me’ too much, and even join in.
Someone down to earth, that likes the simple things in life.
And most importantly, he has to be able to give life altering back massages (give me a back massage and I’ll love you for life).

(Note: It’s not that I don’t like men who wear suits or Irish men, suits look fantastic and Irish men are funny and cute. It’s just those two things together are a bit odd. I mean, could you imagine an Irish man wearing a suit all the time? It would be totally wankerish.)

48 Responses to “Irish suit wearing man”

Dave Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 3:58am
Here goes…

Kills spiders… check.

Night person… check.

Uses alarm clocks… would prefer not to, but due to school starting at 9am I do use an alarm clock… 1/4 check.

Blogs… Yes, but only just starting. 1/2 check.

Perterbed about G-String addiction… absolutely not … check.

Book collection… so big most are in storage… check.

Gets your sense of humor… well based on your blog entries which consistently make me laugh I do… check.

Shy… evidenced by this being my first post to a blog ever… check.

Creative and challenging… I like to think so, but as far as challenging you… who knows… 1/4 check.

Lie or bullshit… I’m too shy to pull off a decent lie… check.

Love you for who you are… I think that is a true test of love… to not want to change your partner… check.

Hair products… Just shampoo, I hate having sticky hair… check.

Think your nuts for ‘crazy joe’ voice… I haven’t heard the voice, but I’m just finishing up a class in abnormal psychology so I have a fairly good understanding of what the clinical definition of ‘nuts’ is and am pretty sure a ‘crazy joe’ voice doesn’t fall into any of the DSM IV criteria…. check.

Join in singing… my shyness may prevent me from joining in at times, but would certainly love hearing you sing… 1/2 check.

Down to earth… very much so… check.

Back massages… I am the massage master!… check.

It seems we are quite compatible… Of course the fact that I’m in California and you are in Australia may be a problem. Oh well… back to the ol’ drawing board.
Dominik Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 3:59am
So THAT’s the way, you girls want us to be? Sadly, I have to admit, I’d probably join the spider dance. And: What is a blog?
Dominik Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 4:01am
Something is wack with your timestamps..
Ed Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 4:07am
Kitta, I’ll tell you in something which will save you years of difficult learning.
Men are pigs.
All we want is: food, sex, sleep and TV. Everthing else we do is only to get back to one of those things. You’re lucky if you can find one of us who doesn’t pee on the floor.
Oh, and, I’m available…..What’s for supper?
Bekah Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 4:12am
I can’t imagine anyone wearing a suit all the time….
i mean, even sleeping in it…..
Jade Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 4:13am
I need to send Eddie, Keith and Brian your way. All irish men who wear suits.. maybe not all the time, but they still do and they’re adorable.
JIm Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 4:41am
All admirable qualities Kitta, but what if he is hung like a hamster and smells like cat food? I reckon even a an all out evil-spider-holocaust could save him then. Still maybe Im just shallow like that?
Kitta Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 4:46am
Jim, I’m not one to go for penis size or smell, and according to my daily spam, both of those thing can be fixed easily by clicking a link.
Daniel Tomasiewicz Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 5:44am
Well, I fit all that ‘cept the book part..:S Oh well, one thing, thats nothin big, im sure we can work past that. And don’t worry, I have no Irish in me, and I’ve never worn a suit. So, wut do ya say? I think we should give it a try.

J/k, I’m a lil young yet. its so hard to find a girl my age that blogs and gives a rats about any of the stuff im into:(
Sergio Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 5:49am
I’ll do the spider-killing thing if you agree to do the cockroach-killing while I intone my cockroach-killing-spree battle cry (which sounds remarkably similar to a little girl’s shrill panic scream) from over a chair.

I’m manly like that.
Jack Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 6:18am
Does this mean you’ll be taking auditions for potentials soon?

The problem with a partner being aware of your blog is that you may never be able to publicly vent about all those annoying little things they do. Then again, if we’re talking about the Perfect Man scenario then this shouldn’t come into the equation, hey?
Teslafreak Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 6:27am
I kill spiders despite being told not to (my sister is an animal rights activist to the extent that she doesn’t want ANYTHING to die). Spiders don’t belong here, if I see them, they die.
Rachael Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 6:50am
That Ed guy is wierd. He said the same on my blog once, he has a low opinion of life and himself. It’s quite sad really. And he doesn’t trust spam protection (which i’m hoping you have Kitta?)

As for Irish guys in suits I think no. They would have to be wearing a green shirt/tie for it to work. I think your best bet is a guy in a kilt…..and a good strong wind.
matt Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 7:15am
that’s a nice list.
my list for a girl is simpler
: must be nice :
mayb Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 7:17am
Check all and good luck!

Your list actually makes me happy because now i finally know that somewhere in this planet is a girl that i would make happy and just by being myself.

I got to also check from my friend why didn’t i go to Australia when he asked me to come six months ago and start listening dmb’s typical situation couple of times.
ggb Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 8:21am
lol but but like what’s a blog? its would be endearing for the first couple of times lol…something its cool to find someone that doesn’t have the exact same interest as you do…like they say opposites attract…sometimes….

love me as I am…love me for me…sometimes other ppl can make us better ppl…who am I to say I’m perfect and don’t change me…we are who we are and will change no matter what…sometimes hopefully for the best….some ppl are better because their partner loved then enough to help/change their partner…blah blah blah

you keep refering to this ‘throw your arms around me song’ but I never hear it…put up a mp3 link or something

luv is funny sometimes it just happens when you least expect it…you don’t need lists, but i guess it helps… we are logical thinking creatures…will i think most of are lol =]
Malach Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 9:01am
Haha, you’re going to be replying to desperate heart spilling emails for months now. Good job Kitta.
Ed Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 10:08am
Rachael: You’re REALLY gonna hate yourself when you find out that I’ve told you the truth. Ignorance is bliss, enjoy it while you can.
I’m weird? You don’t get out much, do you? You haven’t even seen weird yet.
MtDewVirus Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 11:46am
Where do I apply?
Ed Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 12:09pm
Hey Rachael, let’s discuss this in the Forum. Look under “chat”. I”ll even give you top billing.
chris Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 1:35pm
wow…lots of answers and not much to add except that I find relationships more interesting when you’re not sure why exactly you are attracted to the other person. If you analyze your emotions too much they seem, well, less passionate. Anyways, that whole spider thing…good luck on it. Most guys I know (including myself) will either to the spider dance, play with the damn thing, or torture it.
Kitta Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 4:13pm
First off, no I’m not actively looking for someone (so no auditions). I was just writing a list of things I’d like in a future partner. I still am Quirkyalone and loving it.

Dominik, yes something is odd with the time stamps.

Daniel, I’m sure you’ll find someone. Also, I’ve been trying to access your site but it seems to be down.

Sergio, I am fantastic at killing cockroaches, they make a ‘crunch’ sound when my shoe connects with their body.

Jack, I think I’d like my partner to be well aware of my blog, and also accept that when I do vent about annoying things they do, I’m doing it in the most lovingly way possible. They have to have some annoying habits, because no body is completely perfect.

GGB, yeah I really should put a mp3 of it up one time.

Malach, I haven’t got one email so far.
MJH Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 9:02pm
Thanks for finally giving me a name for it: Quirkyalone

You don’t have a sister in New Jersey, USA do you?
Kitta Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 9:15pm
No I don’t, but I do have a brother in Australia that doesn’t wash his hair regularly.
Max Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 9:24pm
Since you removed it from the sidebar I was beginning to wonder whether you were still Quirkalone.

’tis a nice way to be.
Sorge Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 10:58pm
Wahh I haven’t heard that song in ages! I loved Paul McDermott’s cover that was performed live on Good News Week, but I lost the mp3 in the Great Laptop Reformat of ‘99
Gerry Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 11:29pm
It’s good that you are quirkyalone, because you don’t want to end up with someone who has one thing on their mind and afterwards they won’t give a shit about you. Quite the reason I am very much the same (quirkyalone) because I have had girls do the same, although I didn’t give them anything which is good

So good on you for it and hopefully, one day, that guy will come along for you but just be careful and see what develops

*thumbs up*
Robert Lofthouse Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 11:36pm
I’m irish. I remind everyone of gizmo out of gremlins (shy, cute and adorable). I match all of the qualities you’re looking for. I have quite a few relatives in Australia.

I’m also 19

Here’s the flaw: I’m taken well, engaged taken

Some people who have read my posts before (on other blogs) may have assumed I was older. I look a lot older, but alas i’m not

Anyways, your lovely character brought me to this web site, and I must admit i love it alot. I LOVE MONKEYS

p.s. I have to occasionally wear a suit when a professional business client requires my web design/consultancy services, though I don’t wear a suit the rest of the time
Daniel Tomasiewicz Says:
May 12th, 2004 at 11:56pm
Kitta: Yeah, I was just hosting that off of my computer, and my server started timing out right after I got rid of the Sasser worm, so I don’t think it’s anything I can fix. Luckily, I’m set up with decent hosting now(dr2.net) and I’ve got a domain name ( something a little easier than “216.36.173.149″;) ). I’ll give out the address when I’m all finished updating it:)
Kitta Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 1:09am
Sorge, I loved Pauls cover of throw your arms around me and I too lost it when my computer got a virus.

Robert, I’ve read you posts on other blogs before, and I thought you were older. Are you freelance or do you work for someone?
Robert Lofthouse Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 1:28am
Kitta: I’m a freelance web site developer/consultant. However, I will be starting my own company in a few years time. For the moment I love the “freedom” that I get as a freelancer, I love the lifestyle. It gives me time to work on my digital painting stuff and books.

My web site isn’t up at the moment as the company hosting my web site went bust meh. They decided to close down and run off without letting anyone know.

lol sorry if I sound a bit too formal….

anyways, it’s nice to meet someone who’s crazy like me
Paul Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 2:16am
1. Kills spiders - Yes.
2. Nocturnal - Yes.
3. No alarm clocks - Yes.
4. No “So what is a blog?” conversations - Yes.
5. Wouldn’t mind buying G-strings - Yes.
6. Owns a lot of books - No not materialistic.
7. Make you laugh - Yes.
8. Real personality - Yes.
9. Always tells the truth - Yes.
10. Won’t change you - Yes.
11. Less hair products - Yes.
12. Wouldn’t think you’re nuts - Yes.
13. Love to sing along - Yes.
14. Likes simple things - Yes.
15. Back massages - Yes.
.
I’ve found an almost perrrfect partner for you . . . . . . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
My cat Greybelly!
.
. . . Throw your arms around Meow ! . . .
Matli! Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 2:29am
I would love to know the ratio of a guy to girl “LIST making of my future mate” deally.

I know I never even thought about it…maybe getting into my only relationship at 18 and marrying her at 21 keeps those thoughts out of the old attic.

I do know she had one before I met her and she has since revealed to me I met ever criteria except one.

Signed,

Desperatly seeking no one!
stu Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 2:40am
sounds to me like i am your man, go kiss my blarney haha
Sergio Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 2:53am
I am fantastic at killing cockroaches, they make a ‘crunch’ sound when my shoe connects with their body.

Owwww… just reading that gave me the willies. Can’t stand the brown little buggers (and the ‘crunch’ is the reason I can’t kill them). They should all die.
Ella Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 6:11am
Sadly, I don’t even fit Matt’s criteria of ‘must be nice’ so I think I’m out! I like your list, it’s specific, but not overly ambitious, and there are already people who think they can match it. I however seem to be being snubbed by Malach today, so I asked out the mailboy instead AHAHA yes, I actually did it. Only in email though, then I logged off and went hom for the day (or two) so I won’t get his reply until tomorrow.
I think I know who this list is geared towards though…
kevin Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 11:49am
He’d probably have to be straight too….probably.
karan Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 2:02pm
damn, I fail right on the first point! I love laughing at my sister as she does the spider dance Spiders are really not that scary!
Simon Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 3:55pm
Damm, Why do i have to live in sydney?
Sorge Says:
May 13th, 2004 at 10:42pm
/me lets a little secret slip…. Paul McDermott’s rendition of that song is only of a mere handful of songs that can make me teary
Kitta Says:
May 14th, 2004 at 1:39am
You know, I wasn’t thinking about him when I wrote it Ella. :p
Sergio Says:
May 14th, 2004 at 1:59am
who? who? *jumps up and down frantically*

Perhaps it starts with “D”?
R&C's Dildo Says:
May 14th, 2004 at 5:16am
You need a dildo!!! Hmmm, K&C’s Dildo? Nice ring to it eh?….
R&C'sDildo Says:
May 14th, 2004 at 5:18am
Oh…. and wish me a happy bday dammit!!
shaan Says:
May 14th, 2004 at 8:45am
lol, i remember meeting these two chicks in the city, they took me and my mate back to their place, we were keen. and then we got there and they had a 3 page list of what they wanted/expected in a boyfriend conveniently located on the coffee table, hrm. we got out of there quick smart!

i guess i should learn, not to go home with a car full of chicks …..

Wait a minute, no way!
Snyke Says:
May 14th, 2004 at 3:17pm
I just noticed that quite a lot of the things you’d like a man to be, apply to me.
But if you take a look at my own blog you’ll notice that there is a problem: I love another woman
victor Says:
May 15th, 2004 at 4:11pm
i can dance with you the spider’s dance

definitively im your man….. haha ¬¬
Dave (in the UK) Says:
August 29th, 2005 at 2:50am
Your list is a description of me, why is life so unfair!

I think I might move out to Oz…

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